She wants a DNA test πŸ˜‚

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  • #17857 Report

    spartikoos
    Participant

    Hi. I have a son with my ex who’s now over 2.

    At the point he was conceived he could of been mine or potentially 3 others.

    We tried a prematal DNA test but the lab screwed up so we decided and I was happy to put it behind us, try our relationship again and I would be Dad.

    All has been well and I have never discussed that dark part of our life at all till now and I’ve been a good dad. When we finished 3 months ago I carried on doing the best I can to be a dad and having my son overnight and as much as possible as well as paying maintenance with no drama.

    The ex today has demanded a DNA test which I feel I’m now in a corner to have to go through to go any further with my son.

    Any advice would be great. I’d rather no test and carry on as currently my son is not affected by this and is treated no different but I fear she may always use this card if I don’t submit.

    I feel it selfish that she’s willing to put me and my son through this and jeopardize a bond and relationship that is so strong. I also fear that of I’m not paternally his dad then I obviously have no legal say on anything in the future as she will then cut me off

    #17858 Report

    TrevCarp
    Participant

    I feel for you, You are not going to like what I am going to say but your son has a right to know if you are his biological father, do another potential father if you are not. try and think long term for that little boy wellbeing, imagine if one day you were to find out the man you always believed was your dad wasn’t.

    I think for you piece of mind also having the DNA, especially if you are the father.

    You are the boys dad no matter what, because you have been there and I hope will and be allowed to alway be there for that boy, any man can be a father but takes a real man to be a dad. even if you are not, the mother may see the benefit for the boy to keep you in his life.

    I am not a family lawyer so this is only my knowledge it may not be correct, I wold recommend you seeking legal advice, as legal is your name on the birth certificate? or are you married if the answer is no, you do not have any legal say at the moment anyway. Β without the the DNA you have no legal right, but if you are the father, you can ask for your name to be added to the birth certificate, and seek parental responsibility.

    If you are going to have DNA I would recommend you searching child maintenance and social services recommended ones, do not go for the cheapest option.

    I know its a horrible place to be in, and must be very scary what if, but also think about if you are the biological father too. I hope its not the mum, knowing more than she has told you, and feeling guilty.

    I have my fingers crossed for you bud, please let us know how it turns out.

     

    #17865 Report

    spartikoos
    Participant

    Thank you TrevCarp.

    I appreciate your input and you do have some valid points.

     

    After meeting her tonight she has confirmed the test will be done and the outcomes will be as follows:

    I am the dad: we move on and set up better arrangements and all is well

     

    I’m not the dad; she will cut all ties he has with me knowing that I have no legal standing and he will be without me but she will approach the others for a dna test aware that they do not want any involvement

     

    I’m broken but I’ll have to put my faith in the test just to have any chance.

    If she just wanted to know for herself and would still keep me as his father I’d settle for that and would apply for adoption or whatever to keep my son in my life .

    #17866 Report

    TrevCarp
    Participant

    I feel so bad for you, it will be hard waiting, I feel she has forgot the most important person in this, the little boy. sometimes its not about legal.

    I would suspect her approaching the others men do not mean they will be willing to take the DNA test and the results.

    I wish I could give you a man hug bud, life not always easy.

    Who is organising and paying for the DNA?

    In someways I do understand she and the little boy needs to know, but this should have been done a long time ago before bonds have been made.

    I can only hope the outcome is what you wish, because that little one needs you to be his dad.

    Please let me me know, and if you need a ear to chat with you can pm me anytime.

     

    #17918 Report

    Mike_71
    Participant

    Whoa, whoa, whoa. What does it say on the birth certificate?

    If it has your name then you have “parental responsibility”. It doesn’t matter what the DNA test says (to the best of my knowledge anyway). Go get some advice on this!

    If your name is on the birth certificate and it turns out she can’t stop you being the father, then she might decide it’s a waste of money to pay for a DNA test.

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