Sharing childcare

[NickiC]

Hello,

My son is nearly 7 and has been spending 3 nights a week with his dad for almost 2 years, maybe a bit more. His dad has asked for another night which I’m not happy about so I have contacted mediation. My ex is very controlling and can verbally abuse me at times which leaves me feeling quite scared and vulnerable. My son has recently started vocalising how much he misses me and I think the back and forth between me and his dad is taking it’s toll on him. I can’t explain this to his dad as he think he knows best and has always called the shots when it comes to the arrangements.

Am I wrong in thinking I can put my foot down and keep my son with me if my son is telling me he doesn’t want to go to his dad’s or should I be sending him there to keep the peace and letting his dad have access, so it is fair on him and he sees our son pretty much 50/50 because that is what he wants?

I’m looking for any advise or anyone in similar situations to help me feel I’m not doing the wrong thing by going against my son’s wishes but keeping his dad happy and him not verbally abusing me if I dare try to reason with him by putting my son first.

[Selma]

Hello,

I am in exactly same situation like you, having two boys 5 and 8 and sharing the time with their dad 3 nights with him 4 nights with me for past 2 years.

If your boy is asking to spend more time with you (you are so lucky) I would go by his wishes.
My boys father is also very controlling everything always had to be his way, only now I can make my own decisions. My boys are happy with the 60/40 arrangement, but I am so sad, because my life as a full time mum was my purpose. I did the 60/40 for the boys benefit definitely not mine. But If they would ever ask me please can we stay with you mum i wouldn’t hesitate. Sometimes they come back from their father with their brains washed!!!! Especially the little one.

[Selma]

Don’t do it for the dad, do it for your boy

[Mazfm]

You should definitely take your son’s wishes in account, also find out why he wants to be with you more, as great as that is, is there something more to it? Especially if he is verbally abusive towards you he might be saying stuff that your son has picked up on.

I share care my boys, 10 and 4, we take 3 nights a week and take turns with a Friday night each week. This way over a fortnight it really is 50/50, in the overnight sense. I hope that helps.

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