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Myself and my partner split up a couple of months ago after 10 years. We have 2 wonderful boys age 4 and 8.
Our separation was by mutual agreement and we now live less than 5 minutes walk from one and other.
Our initial arrangement was 2 days on 2 days off. My x partner thinks that this isn’t right going forward and this morning suggested that she has them Monday to Thursday and I have them the weekends.
I am really looking to get advise on what’s best for my boys as ultimately we’re adults and it’s our decision.
I hate the thought of seeing them less as I struggle now but this is the path we have taken.
We are both loving supportive parents and I would just like to hear some impartial options as it’s difficult to separate from your own feelings in these circumstances.
It really is difficult to comment from the outside.
You are right that the first and only consideration is what’s good for them, having 2 loving and involved parents should come into the equation, but is not the only consideration of course.
I find that it helps me writing down the arguments for and against each option. I then try to consider alternatives to not get fixated on the two options on the table….
I was given advice that having various arrangements from others might not be helpful when we discussed our arrangement, so I’ll stop here but happy to chat if it helps.
Thanks for the responses from my perspective the 2 on 2 off has been great and I think it has worked for the kids too.
She moved from the family home as my mother lives here in a separate but attached (granny flat).
She feels that the kids do not feel at home in her place yet and I think this is one of the driving factors behind her wanting to change things.
I also think perhaps moving between houses so frequently might not be best during term time. This as everyone here will appreciate is not something anyone wants.
We get on really well but I’m told that can easily change and just want to setup the most stable basis for the boys.
I surggested 2 days each week then every other weekend fri thru Sunday and she rejected it. I’m not sure for any reason other than it was my suggestion.
She suggested 2 weeks of mon – thu then flip for the following 2 weeks but I felt that is no real quality time for 2 weeks.
I really don’t know what’s best but I appreciate the opportunity to talk about it.
Its a difficult challenge we all face. I do however recognise I’m lucky compared to others here.
thanks for taking the time to read this