11 November 2020 at 7:28 am #45550
I’m trying to sort out with my ex, through solicitors, what the best shared custody is for my daughter. The soliciors won’t suggest anything they just say he’s entitled to overnight stays
He wants Monday, Tuesday, Friday and Saturday one week then the next week Wednesday and Thursday and the pattern starts again. This means we have to remember which week it as so that the correct people pick her up from school (it’s normally Grandparents that do the school run)
I’m suggesting every Wednesday night, then either Friday night one week or Saturday and Sunday the next week.
What are everyone’s thought?
What do you all do?
Thanks17 November 2020 at 9:04 pm #45844
Hi again, look at this for ideas.
We,__________________________, the parents of ___________________________
, enter into this Shared Residency Agreement.
We as parents are committed to the spirit of shared residency, which recognises the child’s needs for a
good and ongoing relationship with both parents, and which calls for shared parenting, with both parents
involved in all matters related to the child.
In order to better meet our parental responsibilities and to safeguard our child’s future development. We
both recognize that our child’s wish to love and respect both of us regardless of our status or our place of
residence, and that the welfare of our child can best be served by our mutual cooperation as parents in
shared residency, and by each of us providing a home in which they are loved and to which they belong.
We also jointly recognize that court proceedings regarding children and custody and access matters can
be detrimental to a child, and we therefore have decided to resolve these questions ourselves, using this
Shared Residency Agreement.
Finally, we have chosen to avoid the traditional terminology surrounding separation and children by using
terms that more accurately describe the reorganization of our former family to new homes or dual
households. In the interests of clarity, when our child are with their mother, she will be referred to as the
“resident” parent, and when our child are with their father, he will similarly be referred to as the “resident”
SECTION A Child-related Decision Making
1. Daily / routine medical
(a) The parents shall continue to use the services of Doctor __________ or such doctor as is available at
________________ and will be registered with a dentist at the earliest opportunity.
The parents shall provide each other with the names, addresses and telephone numbers of all
physicians, dentists or orthodontists providing care for the child.
(b) The resident parent is responsible for making day-to-day medical decisions (such as when to give
over the counter medicines, keep the children home from school due to illness, see a doctor for a minor
2. Major medical (long-term medication/treatment, surgery, orthodontic work, etc)
(a) The parents shall notify each other of an emergency child visit to a doctor, specialist, and/or hospital.
Both parents may attend.
(b) Each parent shall provide written permission to the child’s doctor to release information to the other
(c) The parents shall directly request any relevant records/information from the Doctors and not expect
the other parent to provide such records or updates.
(d) Major medical decisions are usually infrequent. Since they are serious, it is in the child’s best
interests for both parents to be involved in major medical decisions, with the assistance of the expert
third parties, such as medical specialists, dentists etc. The parents shall notify each other of any potential
major medical decisions as well as provide the other with the name and number of the attending
doctor(s). It is ideal for the parents to consult with the doctor(s) together. However, if this is not possible,
the parents may consult individually, adding second opinions as necessary. The parents shall arrive at
major medical decisions mutually. If they cannot, they shall abide by the consensus medical opinion.
The parent shall educate and expose the child to the religious tradition in place prior to their separation,
and in keeping with the child’s best interests.
4. Education (including school selection, remedial assistance, reports, parent/teacher meetings, etc)
(a) It is in the child’s best interests if the parents attend parent teacher meetings together. In doing so,
the child perceive that their parents are working together on their behalf. This may lessen the child’s
loyalty bind and prevent any effort on their part to “play both ends against the middle”. If either parent
prefers to have an individual meeting, each parent shall be responsible for arranging with the school his
or her own parent teacher meeting. Any special meetings, involving board or school personnel (other
than the teacher), are likely to require the parents to attend together, as time and resources usually do
not allow for separate meetings.
(b) Each parent is responsible for staying up to date on any relevant educational matters and requesting
involvement for any special meetings about the children. Each parent shall request from the school that
he or she is provided with all notices, reports etc. If the school cannot accommodate such requests, each
parent will continue to notify the other of all school events at the time he or she learns of them. The
residential parent who first obtains the child’s report shall provide the other parent with copies of them.
(c) It is in the child’s best interest for both parents to attend school related functions, such as open days,
plays, concerts, fund raisers etc.
(d) Major decisions related to the child’s education include class placement, remedial assistance,
enrichment, etc. Such decisions shall be made in consultation with relevant experts, including teachers,
principals, school or independent psychologists, etc. It is ideal for the parents to consult with these
professionals together. However, if this is not possible, the parents may consult individually, adding
second opinions as necessary. The parents shall make educationally relevant decisions mutually, in
consultation with the relevant expert, or experts, if there are different expert opinions. If the parents
cannot agree, they will follow the dispute resolution mechanism outlined in paragraphs 11 to 15 below
(e) The school shall have both parents’ names to call in case of emergency. Either parent can be called
first. The contact parent shall notify the other parent as soon as possible.
5. Community, Athletic and Lessons
(a) Each parent may enrol the child and/or participate in the activities chosen by the parent, providing
that the activities do not overlap with the other parent’s time with the children. The parents shall consult
and come to a mutual decision regarding extracurricular activities that overlap both parents’ time with the
child. Neither parent shall enrol the child in activities that overlap with the other parent’s time without that
(b) The parents shall obtain schedules and other necessary information directly from the instructors or
coaches of the activities.
(c) The parents may attend special events at school and extracurricular activities, such as fames,
concerts, recitals, shows or performances.
6. The child’s time with both parents
The child shall continue to reside with both parents pursuant to the following alternating schedule
(a) Monday afternoon (15.00-1530)-evening and night with Father who will take the child to School
(b) Tuesday afternoon-evening-night with Mother who will take the child to school on Wednesday
(c) Wednesday afternoon (15.00-15.30)-evening and night with Father, who will take child to school
(d) Thursday afternoon (15.00-15.30)-evening-night with Mother who will take child to school Friday
(e) Friday afternoon (15.00-15.30)-evening to Sunday morning (09.00-09.15) with Father. Unless Father
has no work on this day then until 15.30-16.00.
(f) Sunday morning-day-night with Mother who will take child school on Monday morning.
(a) Monday afternoon (15.00-15.30)- evening-night with father who will take child to school Tuesday
(b) Tuesday afternoon-evening-night with Mother who will take child to school Wednesday morning.
(c) Wednesday afternoon 15.00 until 17.45 with father (Taikwondo Class), return to Mother who will have
the child evening and night and take child school Thursday morning.
(d) Thursday afternoon-evening-night to Saturday morning (09.00-09.15) with Father
(e) Saturday morning (09.00-09.15) with mother until Monday morning who will take the child school.
Drop off times may vary in the case of days off ect but will always be agreed first.
Half term holidays
(a) The child shall split the holidays between their parents, spending the first half with one parent, the
second half with the other parent, and then alternating this arrangement on a year over year basis.
(a) The children shall split this holiday between their parents on an annual rotation, spending Easter
Sunday with one and Easter Monday with the other in one year, rotating the next year, and so on.
(a) The child(ren) shall spend mother’s birthday with mother, and father’s birthday with father.
(b) The Child(ren) shall alternate birthday eve-night-morning with both parents. Birthday parties will be
shared and attended by both parents.
Father’s Day/Mother’s Day
(a) The children shall spend Mother’s Day with mother, and Father’s Day with father.
(a) The children shall spend two consecutive weeks with each parent in agreed location as long as all
details are provided beforehand as stated in our travel document. Longer periods away can be agreed
but not exceeding 20 days if both parents are willing.
(b) Each parent shall give the other (3) months notice of their summer holiday plans.
(a) The child(ren) shall alternate Christmas eve, Christmas day and Boxing day with each parent. ie
Christmas Eve and Christmas morning with one. Christmas afternoon and Boxing day with the other.
Swaping the next year.
(a) The children’s relationship with their grandparents shall be encouraged by both parents.
7. The Child’s clothing and belongings
(a) It is preferable for both parents to have adequate clothing for the children. The clothes the children
have worn en route to time with the other parent shall be returned (washed or not) and placed in the
children’s bag when they return to the other parent.
(c) The children’s belongings belong to them. They shall have the option of taking toys, computer games,
etc back and forth if they wish. They shall be encouraged to assume responsibility for these items by
remembering to bring and return them as they desire.
(d) Major sporting items, dress clothes, and other expensive items shall travel back and forth with the
children as they desire or upon the written request of the other parent. The items shall be promptly
returned with the children. If an item is damaged or broken, the parent who had the item when the
damage occurred shall be responsible for replacing the item. The children may also be expected to
assume some responsibility as determined by the resident parent at the time.
SECTION D: Communication
The child(ren) may call the non-resident parent, whenever they wish. The parent may call the children
whenever he or she wishes, with proper consideration given to meal times and bedtime.
(a) On a weekly basis, mother shall telephone father, or vice versa, to communicate about the children’s
weekly experience (including upsets, special events, etc). The children shall benefit knowing both
parents are aware of these significant events. Also, the children shall be less likely to ”play both ends
against the middle” when he knows his parents communicate regularly about him.
(b) The children shall not be asked by their parents to relay information from parent to parent.
9. Local / Weekend Travel
(a) The phone number(s) of the child(rens) whereabouts when travelling away from either parent’s
residence shall be provided in writing to the non-resident parent in case of emergency.
10. Flexibility, Changes
Changes to Schedule
(a) Should the need arise, the parents shall communicate verbally and in writing as to a request(s) for a
change to the usual or holiday schedule. They will do so with as much notice as possible. A verbal and
written response shall be provided within 48 hours.
(b) Each parent shall canvass changes to the schedule, first with the other and prior to mentioning
anything to the children about a change and/or a special activity.
(c) If additional time is required due to a special event or celebration, notice shall be provided to the other
parent when the need arises and/or two weeks in advance. A response shall be provided within 24
(d) As a rule, the parents shall not be entitled to make up time if they request a change. Notwithstanding
this rule, make up time may be offered.
(e) If one parent cannot be available to care for the children, the other parent shall be given the “first right
of refusal” to care for the children. If the other parent cannot accommodate the request, the resident
parent shall be responsible for arranging alternative childcare.
(f) It is understood that traffic and inclement weather may cause delays. Notwithstanding, every effort
(including allowing for more time when necessary) shall be made by the parents to be punctual in their
delivery of the children to the other parent or to activities. If one parent cannot deliver the children within
15 minutes of the scheduled time, he or she shall notify the other parent when the need for delay arises.
11. Implementation and Impasse
All shared residency plans require revision over time as the parents’ and children’s’ needs change. Any
aspect of the shared residency plan may be revised with the parents’ mutual consent. The parents shall
monitor the schedule and the terms of the agreement in relation to the child’s adjustment.
12. Dispute Resolution Mechanism
(a) When either parent has an issue that he or she wishes to resolve with the other parent, he or she will
give the other parent notice of the need to discuss the problem by telephoning that parent.
(b) The parents agree that within seven (7) days of being called by the other parent about a problematic
issue, that they will meet face to face, or as soon after as is reasonable and practical, to discuss the
issue and see if they can resolve the conflict between themselves.
(c) If the parties alone cannot resolve the conflict, they agree that they shall refer the problematic issue to
mediation with the mediator who will assist the parents in reaching a resolution. If the issue is not
resolved during mediation, the parties may submit the matter to arbitration on consent.
(d) While the dispute is being resolved either by mediation or arbitration, the resident parent will continue
making such day to day decisions as are necessary, but will take no substantial action in the area of
disagreement which would prejudice or take unfair advantage of the other parent by benefiting from their
residential status.The parents accept and agree the above agreement and will honour and respect the
spirit of the Shared Residency Agreement at all times.
SIGNED ………………………………………………….. DATE …………………………………………………..
SIGNED………………………………………………….. DATE …………………………………………………..18 November 2020 at 1:11 pm #45887
I found this a handy website to figure out the most appropriate schedule:18 November 2020 at 2:23 pm #45889
Its best to have same days if possible. Something like every other weekend pick up from school on a friday drop off sunday between 4 and 6pm or drop off to school monday morning. Every Wednesday pick up from school drop off to school Thursday morning and half of holidays.
This will provide consistency for you and your child and they will know exactly when they are seeing their dad. Sometimes you can have slightly different weekdays so your child doesnt go too long without seeing dad. on the weekend dad doesnt have his child he could perhaps pick his child from school on a monday or tuesday instead of wednesday. It works out to 8 or 10 nights out of 28 days