Shared custody

Home Online forum Gingerbread Forum Shared custody

Viewing 4 posts - 1 through 4 (of 4 total)
  • Author
  • #45550 Report


    I’m trying to sort out with my ex, through solicitors, what the best shared custody is for my daughter. The soliciors won’t suggest anything they just say he’s entitled to overnight stays

    He wants Monday, Tuesday, Friday and Saturday one week then the next week Wednesday and Thursday and the pattern starts again. This means we have to remember which week it as so that the correct people pick her up from school (it’s normally Grandparents that do the school run)

    I’m suggesting every Wednesday night, then either Friday night one week or Saturday and Sunday the next week.

    What are everyone’s thought?

    What do you all do?



    #45844 Report


    Hi again, look at this for ideas.


    We,__________________________, the parents of ___________________________

    , enter into this Shared Residency Agreement.

    We as parents are committed to the spirit of shared residency, which recognises the child’s needs for a

    good and ongoing relationship with both parents, and which calls for shared parenting, with both parents

    involved in all matters related to the child.

    In order to better meet our parental responsibilities and to safeguard our child’s future development. We

    both recognize that our child’s wish to love and respect both of us regardless of our status or our place of

    residence, and that the welfare of our child can best be served by our mutual cooperation as parents in

    shared residency, and by each of us providing a home in which they are loved and to which they belong.

    We also jointly recognize that court proceedings regarding children and custody and access matters can

    be detrimental to a child, and we therefore have decided to resolve these questions ourselves, using this

    Shared Residency Agreement.

    Finally, we have chosen to avoid the traditional terminology surrounding separation and children by using

    terms that more accurately describe the reorganization of our former family to new homes or dual

    households. In the interests of clarity, when our child are with their mother, she will be referred to as the

    “resident” parent, and when our child are with their father, he will similarly be referred to as the “resident”


    SECTION A Child-related Decision Making

    1. Daily / routine medical

    (a) The parents shall continue to use the services of Doctor __________ or such doctor as is available at

    ________________ and will be registered with a dentist at the earliest opportunity.

    The parents shall provide each other with the names, addresses and telephone numbers of all

    physicians, dentists or orthodontists providing care for the child.

    (b) The resident parent is responsible for making day-to-day medical decisions (such as when to give

    over the counter medicines, keep the children home from school due to illness, see a doctor for a minor

    illness, etc).

    2. Major medical (long-term medication/treatment, surgery, orthodontic work, etc)

    (a) The parents shall notify each other of an emergency child visit to a doctor, specialist, and/or hospital.

    Both parents may attend.

    (b) Each parent shall provide written permission to the child’s doctor to release information to the other


    (c) The parents shall directly request any relevant records/information from the Doctors and not expect

    the other parent to provide such records or updates.

    (d) Major medical decisions are usually infrequent. Since they are serious, it is in the child’s best

    interests for both parents to be involved in major medical decisions, with the assistance of the expert

    third parties, such as medical specialists, dentists etc. The parents shall notify each other of any potential

    major medical decisions as well as provide the other with the name and number of the attending

    doctor(s). It is ideal for the parents to consult with the doctor(s) together. However, if this is not possible,

    the parents may consult individually, adding second opinions as necessary. The parents shall arrive at

    major medical decisions mutually. If they cannot, they shall abide by the consensus medical opinion.

    3. Religion

    The parent shall educate and expose the child to the religious tradition in place prior to their separation,


    and in keeping with the child’s best interests.

    4. Education (including school selection, remedial assistance, reports, parent/teacher meetings, etc)

    (a) It is in the child’s best interests if the parents attend parent teacher meetings together. In doing so,

    the child perceive that their parents are working together on their behalf. This may lessen the child’s

    loyalty bind and prevent any effort on their part to “play both ends against the middle”. If either parent

    prefers to have an individual meeting, each parent shall be responsible for arranging with the school his

    or her own parent teacher meeting. Any special meetings, involving board or school personnel (other

    than the teacher), are likely to require the parents to attend together, as time and resources usually do

    not allow for separate meetings.

    (b) Each parent is responsible for staying up to date on any relevant educational matters and requesting

    involvement for any special meetings about the children. Each parent shall request from the school that

    he or she is provided with all notices, reports etc. If the school cannot accommodate such requests, each

    parent will continue to notify the other of all school events at the time he or she learns of them. The

    residential parent who first obtains the child’s report shall provide the other parent with copies of them.

    (c) It is in the child’s best interest for both parents to attend school related functions, such as open days,

    plays, concerts, fund raisers etc.

    (d) Major decisions related to the child’s education include class placement, remedial assistance,

    enrichment, etc. Such decisions shall be made in consultation with relevant experts, including teachers,

    principals, school or independent psychologists, etc. It is ideal for the parents to consult with these

    professionals together. However, if this is not possible, the parents may consult individually, adding

    second opinions as necessary. The parents shall make educationally relevant decisions mutually, in

    consultation with the relevant expert, or experts, if there are different expert opinions. If the parents

    cannot agree, they will follow the dispute resolution mechanism outlined in paragraphs 11 to 15 below

    (e) The school shall have both parents’ names to call in case of emergency. Either parent can be called

    first. The contact parent shall notify the other parent as soon as possible.

    5. Community, Athletic and Lessons

    (a) Each parent may enrol the child and/or participate in the activities chosen by the parent, providing

    that the activities do not overlap with the other parent’s time with the children. The parents shall consult

    and come to a mutual decision regarding extracurricular activities that overlap both parents’ time with the

    child. Neither parent shall enrol the child in activities that overlap with the other parent’s time without that

    parent’s consent.

    (b) The parents shall obtain schedules and other necessary information directly from the instructors or

    coaches of the activities.

    (c) The parents may attend special events at school and extracurricular activities, such as fames,

    concerts, recitals, shows or performances.


    6. The child’s time with both parents

    The child shall continue to reside with both parents pursuant to the following alternating schedule

    Week 1

    (a) Monday afternoon (15.00-1530)-evening and night with Father who will take the child to School

    Tuesday morning.

    (b) Tuesday afternoon-evening-night with Mother who will take the child to school on Wednesday


    (c) Wednesday afternoon (15.00-15.30)-evening and night with Father, who will take child to school

    Thursday morning.

    (d) Thursday afternoon (15.00-15.30)-evening-night with Mother who will take child to school Friday


    (e) Friday afternoon (15.00-15.30)-evening to Sunday morning (09.00-09.15) with Father. Unless Father


    has no work on this day then until 15.30-16.00.

    (f) Sunday morning-day-night with Mother who will take child school on Monday morning.


    Week 2

    (a) Monday afternoon (15.00-15.30)- evening-night with father who will take child to school Tuesday


    (b) Tuesday afternoon-evening-night with Mother who will take child to school Wednesday morning.

    (c) Wednesday afternoon 15.00 until 17.45 with father (Taikwondo Class), return to Mother who will have

    the child evening and night and take child school Thursday morning.

    (d) Thursday afternoon-evening-night to Saturday morning (09.00-09.15) with Father

    (e) Saturday morning (09.00-09.15) with mother until Monday morning who will take the child school.

    Drop off times may vary in the case of days off ect but will always be agreed first.

    Half term holidays

    (a) The child shall split the holidays between their parents, spending the first half with one parent, the

    second half with the other parent, and then alternating this arrangement on a year over year basis.


    (a) The children shall split this holiday between their parents on an annual rotation, spending Easter

    Sunday with one and Easter Monday with the other in one year, rotating the next year, and so on.


    (a) The child(ren) shall spend mother’s birthday with mother, and father’s birthday with father.

    (b) The Child(ren) shall alternate birthday eve-night-morning with both parents. Birthday parties will be

    shared and attended by both parents.

    Father’s Day/Mother’s Day

    (a) The children shall spend Mother’s Day with mother, and Father’s Day with father.

    Summer Holiday

    (a) The children shall spend two consecutive weeks with each parent in agreed location as long as all

    details are provided beforehand as stated in our travel document. Longer periods away can be agreed

    but not exceeding 20 days if both parents are willing.

    (b) Each parent shall give the other (3) months notice of their summer holiday plans.


    (a) The child(ren) shall alternate Christmas eve, Christmas day and Boxing day with each parent. ie

    Christmas Eve and Christmas morning with one. Christmas afternoon and Boxing day with the other.

    Swaping the next year.

    Other Provisions

    (a) The children’s relationship with their grandparents shall be encouraged by both parents.



    7. The Child’s clothing and belongings

    (a) It is preferable for both parents to have adequate clothing for the children. The clothes the children


    have worn en route to time with the other parent shall be returned (washed or not) and placed in the

    children’s bag when they return to the other parent.

    (c) The children’s belongings belong to them. They shall have the option of taking toys, computer games,

    etc back and forth if they wish. They shall be encouraged to assume responsibility for these items by

    remembering to bring and return them as they desire.

    (d) Major sporting items, dress clothes, and other expensive items shall travel back and forth with the

    children as they desire or upon the written request of the other parent. The items shall be promptly

    returned with the children. If an item is damaged or broken, the parent who had the item when the

    damage occurred shall be responsible for replacing the item. The children may also be expected to

    assume some responsibility as determined by the resident parent at the time.

    SECTION D: Communication

    8. Telephone

    The child(ren) may call the non-resident parent, whenever they wish. The parent may call the children

    whenever he or she wishes, with proper consideration given to meal times and bedtime.

    (a) On a weekly basis, mother shall telephone father, or vice versa, to communicate about the children’s

    weekly experience (including upsets, special events, etc). The children shall benefit knowing both

    parents are aware of these significant events. Also, the children shall be less likely to ”play both ends

    against the middle” when he knows his parents communicate regularly about him.

    (b) The children shall not be asked by their parents to relay information from parent to parent.


    9. Local / Weekend Travel

    (a) The phone number(s) of the child(rens) whereabouts when travelling away from either parent’s

    residence shall be provided in writing to the non-resident parent in case of emergency.


    10. Flexibility, Changes

    Changes to Schedule

    (a) Should the need arise, the parents shall communicate verbally and in writing as to a request(s) for a

    change to the usual or holiday schedule. They will do so with as much notice as possible. A verbal and

    written response shall be provided within 48 hours.

    (b) Each parent shall canvass changes to the schedule, first with the other and prior to mentioning

    anything to the children about a change and/or a special activity.

    (c) If additional time is required due to a special event or celebration, notice shall be provided to the other

    parent when the need arises and/or two weeks in advance. A response shall be provided within 24


    (d) As a rule, the parents shall not be entitled to make up time if they request a change. Notwithstanding

    this rule, make up time may be offered.

    (e) If one parent cannot be available to care for the children, the other parent shall be given the “first right

    of refusal” to care for the children. If the other parent cannot accommodate the request, the resident

    parent shall be responsible for arranging alternative childcare.

    (f) It is understood that traffic and inclement weather may cause delays. Notwithstanding, every effort

    (including allowing for more time when necessary) shall be made by the parents to be punctual in their

    delivery of the children to the other parent or to activities. If one parent cannot deliver the children within

    15 minutes of the scheduled time, he or she shall notify the other parent when the need for delay arises.




    11. Implementation and Impasse

    All shared residency plans require revision over time as the parents’ and children’s’ needs change. Any

    aspect of the shared residency plan may be revised with the parents’ mutual consent. The parents shall

    monitor the schedule and the terms of the agreement in relation to the child’s adjustment.


    12. Dispute Resolution Mechanism

    (a) When either parent has an issue that he or she wishes to resolve with the other parent, he or she will

    give the other parent notice of the need to discuss the problem by telephoning that parent.

    (b) The parents agree that within seven (7) days of being called by the other parent about a problematic

    issue, that they will meet face to face, or as soon after as is reasonable and practical, to discuss the

    issue and see if they can resolve the conflict between themselves.

    (c) If the parties alone cannot resolve the conflict, they agree that they shall refer the problematic issue to

    mediation with the mediator who will assist the parents in reaching a resolution. If the issue is not

    resolved during mediation, the parties may submit the matter to arbitration on consent.

    (d) While the dispute is being resolved either by mediation or arbitration, the resident parent will continue

    making such day to day decisions as are necessary, but will take no substantial action in the area of

    disagreement which would prejudice or take unfair advantage of the other parent by benefiting from their

    residential status.The parents accept and agree the above agreement and will honour and respect the

    spirit of the Shared Residency Agreement at all times.

    SIGNED ………………………………………………….. DATE …………………………………………………..


    SIGNED………………………………………………….. DATE …………………………………………………..

    #45887 Report


    I found this a handy website to figure out the most appropriate schedule:



    #45889 Report


    Its best to have same days if possible. Something like every other weekend pick up from school on a friday drop off sunday between 4 and 6pm or drop off to school monday morning. Every Wednesday pick up from school drop off to school Thursday morning and half of holidays.

    This will provide consistency for you and your child and they will know exactly when they are seeing their dad. Sometimes you can have slightly different weekdays so your child doesnt go too long without seeing dad. on the weekend dad doesnt have his child he could perhaps pick his child from school on a monday or tuesday instead of wednesday. It works out to 8 or 10 nights out of 28 days

Viewing 4 posts - 1 through 4 (of 4 total)

Log in or register to reply to this thread

Log In Register