Shared custody and the holidays

[theyogajeanieParticipant]

Hi everyone,

My ex and I have 50-50 custody of our two girls. The problem is that he is refusing to take time off over the summer to look after them, even though he just returned from a holiday in Thailand. He expects me to do all the childcare (or for me to leave the girls with his girlfriend, which I have an issue with because it’s his responsibility to care for his children) and use my annual leave, which is more than his admittedly, however I have saved it up for the six weeks.

We have a court order in place saying it’s 50-50 custody. Does anyone know, legally, where I stand on this?

thanks in advance.

[mongoose6000Participant]

Who he leaves the children with on his time of having them is upto him and the courts will also tell you that unless they are a drug user / alcho or an abuser its highly unlikely that you can stop him leaving them with her.

Try getting to know her and see if she is ok?

I dont think you can force him to take time off hun x

[theyogajeanieParticipant]

So does that mean that it’s all up to me to sort out? That doesn’t seem in keeping with a 50/50 agreement?

[mongoose6000Participant]

Was it agreed when and what dates he would have the kids ? id stick to agreed set dates and its upto him to get his child care in place on his time x

[KathymumofoneParticipant]

If he’s offered to have your daughters at his house, as long as there is a responsible adult there, he is fulfilling their needs.

I know it’s difficult but I’d try your ex’s approach and see if your daughters are happy. Maybe a couple of days to begin with. The evenings off would be a good break for you too.

If I was the girlfriend, I might not be very happy though. Does she have children of her own?

[theyogajeanieParticipant]

Nothing was agreed- just that we would sort our holidays between ourselves. I knew I’d take the majority of it but had thought that it would be assumed he’d take some? As otherwise, it’s not a 50/50 arrangement.

[theyogajeanieParticipant]

She’s quite a bit younger and doesn’t have children of her own. She is very good to take on the girls though and obviously adores them, which I admire. It’s his lack of responsibility that I have an issue with!

[SOLOMUMMYParticipant]

As pphave said, you have no rights to object to who he uses for childcare on his time.

If you refuse to let him have his contact to use as he sees fit, you’ll be in contempt for the spirit of the court order and effectively yes you’d be solely liable for the holidays and associated costs.

If that’s an issue then you need to accept that he may provide childcare from other people.

 

Choose your battles carefully.  Set a precedent now and this could be it every year!

[theyogajeanieParticipant]

I had asked him to have contact but he only agreed at times when it suited him. For example, this weekend he should have the girls, but is now refusing as he is attending the wedding of someone he doesn’t even know. I don’t pick and choose when I have them and if I could, I would have them much more than the 50% I now have. I don’t think that I’m being unreasonable.

[SOLOMUMMYParticipant]

When it comes to shared care, some flexibility isn’t unreasonable.

I get why you’re peeved now but do think there are a few things that need considering:

• why contact arrangements weren’t agreed long before the summer holidays began – I assume your issue with his gf plays a part in this?
• having flexibility is not a bad things if it works both ways, and it’s healthy for the children to see this.
• If you’d gladly have the children more than 50% why are you not embracing this time? Spend less energy on what your ex is/isn’t doing and more on you enjoying what you have with your children. He’s really not worth this focus!

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