Shared access ?

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  • #9345 Report


    Just before Christmas I discovered that my partner had been having an affair 🙁  After trying my hardest to work through it and try to keep our family together she left me even tho she told me that she loves me and it was a mistake. I now have to battle to see my child of 4, i have a very strong relationship with my daughter and pray that it continues. I am struggling losing the two people that I love, and feel it very difficult battling with my ex, who now feels like a stranger, and seems to have so much anger towards me. I hope / wish to get 50 percent shared access, as i want to be apart of all aspects of my Child’s life, everything from school to home life, i don’t want to miss any of the firsts.  I am struggling not seeing my daughter every day, reading with her, playing, and taking her to bed. The house now feels like its a ghost house 🙁

    However my ex is making everything very difficult, not allowing me to see my daughter for half the week, not allowing me any extra time during school holidays, and changing when i can see her at the last moment. She today has told me to stop contacting her regarding our daughter, and that she will be only in touch if she becomes ill or if she feels the current arrangement of two nights a week is not in our daughters best interests. Making me feel she will at any moment reduce my time again, i feel like i am on pins. School are telling me that they have seen changes in personality and that she gets upset that she does not see me, but i can do nothing.

    I just want to be a good dad, a responsible dad, a dad that is there for my daughter, a parent ! I can not help but think that i am being punished but have done nothing wrong. I want to fight to get equal time with my ex but i am afraid that as soon as i start the process my ex will stop me seeing my daughter altogether. I am also afraid that mediation / courts with favor the mother and not see us as equal parents, and possibly lose the time i have already have with my child? I have to ask myself if i am not there as much as mom how can i make an equal impact on our Child’s life.

    Please help, thoughts advice.


    Thank you

    #9351 Report


    You need to prepare a Parenting Plan and both sign off on it (I can send you a template if you PM me your email address). If she won’t then suggest mediation to air the issues you both have. If she won’t do that either, then it’s time to consider court. I can give you a lot of pointers on that route, so let me know how it goes.

    Stay focused for your child. All the best.

    #9383 Report



    Just to add a little to what the others have said; as your ex is being difficult, you may need to go to court to get access to your daughter formalised but you need to show the court that you have tried everything else first. Start a diary and write down everything that you have tried so far, keep texts and any voicemail messages you receive. Suggest a parental plan to your ex. They are not legally binding but refusing to do one or breaching a parental plan that you have both signed off, is good evidence for court of her attitude. The next stage is mediation which you would be expected to try before you go to court. Again, if she refuses or doesn’t turn up, then that’s good evidence for court.

    None of this is quick unfortunately and I can only imagine the pain you’re in missing your child but to get the best result at court, you need to show that your have tried everything else first and that you’re ex is being unreasonable (which she is, by the sounds of it). If your daughter is struggling and the school has noticed a change in behaviour, they may be willing to write a report to that effect?

    Please don’t assume that the court will find in favour of the mother. Some people do have that experience but the court is there to find the best solution for the child. Take advice from a solicitor, get the support of school etc and do everything by the book. Good luck.

    #9385 Report


    Thanks AJ, this is what I suggested. You can’t go to court without having tried mediation and a PP is part of that, showing you can amicably agree on issues that are best for the child.

    The only thing I would disagree with is the need for a solicitor. There’s very little law in Family Law, but solicitors are happy to drain you dry for info you can get just by posting a question on this forum!

    #10263 Report


    Thank you all for your responses.  Its all very difficult emotionally 🙁

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