Seperating after domestic abuse
6 December 2018 at 12:30 pm #18482
I left my husband in September due to many years of domestic abuse, I have two children (8 and 4) who are struggling with the situation at the moment. The financial set up means we are living under the same roof, it is very difficult and I am trying my best to heal from everything he’s put me through. I feel as if I have been a single parent for the past 8 years due to my ex-husband isolating himself from our lives due to his depression.
What is everyone’s situation?8 December 2018 at 5:28 pm #18516
Your situation sounds tricky to say the least. I’m a single mum, left my ex a few years ago after a hideous two years. I have one son who’s 10.
I was lucky enough to be able to rent a flat (admittedly a bit grotty) while things got sorted out. Son coped well, I think because he didn’t see us arguing. He saw his dad every weekend – and still does.
How are you going to sort out separate homes? At least you’re used to coping on your own. My ex was like that too, so to be honest, moving out made my life easier.
i took pleasure in having a calm happy home with music and no stressy atmosphere. Lots of cuddles with my son. That was enough to start with. Being out was such a relief. We sort of “holed up” for a while to recover.9 December 2018 at 12:02 am #18524
It sounds nice to have that freedom. I am so desperate to live in a different house to him, we own it jointly and is complicated. I feel I can heal from this without him as its his presence that is just drowning me. In 10 weeks, I will have a job that pays well and I’ll be able to start making progress.9 December 2018 at 5:47 pm #18529
I knew for 8 months that I was leaving before I got the right job and could leave. It was very tough & lonely. I was less honest than you, I went through the motions because it was easier & safer.
Can you focus on giving your kids the best Christmas possible. Be brilliant domestic mum with them until you start your job.
On healing yourself, I promised myself little freedoms like being able to paint my future sitting room happy colours instead of bleak old white. And being able to turn some music up and make as much noise as I liked dancing round the kitchen with my son. All in my head but it kept me sane.😊
Good luck, 2019 will be much better.10 December 2018 at 8:35 pm #18543
I know what you mean, that’s exactly how I lived, just going through the motions for so many years, because I was terrified of what would happen if I spoke out. I’m so glad I got that strength in September to finally leave, I am so much happier now, though I am having a really difficult time, I’m no longer stuck in an unhappy marriage. I’m definitely going to make sure my babies get the best Christmas as possible, I don’t have much time because I am finishing my masters degree at the moment and am also working clinically 37.5 hours a week, this job doesn’t pay but is necessary to me gaining my qualification and finally earning my own money next month.
I love the idea of imagining all the brighter things for the future. Thank you for reminding me of this.
2019: Qualify, move out/he move out so I can make this a home for me and the kids, find a new man and fall in love (am I mad for thinking of that?)19 December 2018 at 10:58 pm #18811
Today we had mediation and it is heartbreaking….. Makes me more angry with him. He doesn’t seem to understand that our relationship is over…15 January 2019 at 6:49 pm #19734
Found out today I got the job I’ve waited do long for, opens up many new doors.15 January 2019 at 9:16 pm #19736
Congratulations.18 January 2019 at 9:36 pm #19803
I have been separated from my abusive ex for a year and for the first few months was really difficult and he kept wanting to sort it out when I knew I was never going to go back. Didn’t realise till I left how much I had been affected by what he did. Took me a while to get my confidence and self esteem back but now having less bad days. Best thing I ever did walking away from my abusive partner and I just keep reminding myself that by being strong and walking away with my children to start a new life means we no longer have to worry and can really enjoy life.19 January 2019 at 1:00 pm #19812
Thank you for sharing your story. That’s an interesting point, that makes sense to me now why social services are so worried and want me to have support after I move out. Do you think this is going to be difficult when I move out? As in a sense of realisation, any ideas on how I can cope? I am so relieved now that I am out of that relationship. It will be incredible when I actually move out and start to enjoy life instead of living in fear of him.
Well done on your strength and courage and to share this story.