Home Online forum Gingerbread Forum Seperating after domestic abuse

This topic contains 4 replies, has 2 voices, and was last updated by  Chez86 1 day, 12 hours ago.

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  • #18482 Report

    Chez86
    Participant

    I left my husband in September due to many years of domestic abuse, I have two children (8 and 4) who are struggling with the situation at the moment. The financial set up means we are living under the same roof, it is very difficult and I am trying my best to heal from everything he’s put me through. I feel as if I have been a single parent for the past 8 years due to my ex-husband isolating himself from our lives due to his depression.

    What is everyone’s situation?

    #18516 Report

    Kathymumofone
    Participant

    Your situation sounds tricky to say the least.  I’m a single mum, left my ex a few years ago after a hideous two years. I have one son who’s 10.

    I was lucky enough to be able to rent a flat (admittedly a bit grotty) while things got sorted out. Son coped well, I think because he didn’t see us arguing. He saw his dad every weekend – and still does.

    How are you going to sort out separate homes? At least you’re used to coping on your own. My ex was like that too, so to be honest, moving out made my life easier.

    i took pleasure in having a calm happy home with music and no stressy atmosphere. Lots of cuddles with my son. That was enough to start with. Being out was such a relief. We sort of “holed up” for a while to recover.

    #18524 Report

    Chez86
    Participant

    It sounds nice to have that freedom. I am so desperate to live in a different house to him, we own it jointly and is complicated. I feel I can heal from this without him as its his presence that is just drowning me. In 10 weeks, I will have a job that pays well and I’ll be able to start making progress.

    #18529 Report

    Kathymumofone
    Participant

    I knew for 8 months that I was leaving before I got the right job and could leave. It was very tough & lonely. I was less honest than you, I went through the motions because it was easier & safer.

    Can you focus on giving your kids the best Christmas possible.  Be brilliant domestic mum with them until you start your job.

    On healing yourself, I promised myself little freedoms like being able to paint my future sitting room happy colours instead of bleak old white.  And being able to turn some music up and make as much noise as I liked dancing round the kitchen with my son. All in my head but it kept me sane.😊

    Good luck,  2019 will be much better.

    #18543 Report

    Chez86
    Participant

    I know what you mean, that’s exactly how I lived, just going through the motions for so many years, because I was terrified of what would happen if I spoke out. I’m so glad I got that strength in September to finally leave, I am so much happier now, though I am having a really difficult time, I’m no longer stuck in an unhappy marriage. I’m definitely  going to  make sure my babies get the best Christmas as possible, I don’t have much time because I am finishing my masters degree at the moment and am also working clinically 37.5 hours a week, this job doesn’t pay but is necessary to me gaining my qualification and finally earning my own money next month.

    I love the idea of imagining all the brighter things for the future. Thank you for reminding me of this.

    2019: Qualify, move out/he move out so I can make this a home for me and the kids, find a new man and fall in love (am I mad for thinking of that?)

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