Seperated an don’t have any money
16 September 2020 at 8:54 am #43978
Hi everyone, I’ve recently seperated after finding out my wife of 14 years had been in contact with another man. I struggled coming to terms an moved out into a relatives house as its a toxic environment.
Problem is she is now claiming benefits an expects her maintenance an half of the mortgage being paid, as she’s said I’ve abandoned the family home. Anyway my problem is she wants the house until my youngest of 1 is turning 18. Now if I pay out child maintenance and half the mortgage, that leaves me with nothing to be able to put a roof over my own head. Is this a standard thing to happen to someone like myself or am I right in thinking this can’t be my life for the next 17 years of sleeping on a sofa?
O an the guy she had spoke to starting going into our family home 3 days after I left so I’m assuming they’ve finally got together.. I just don’t see how it’s fair that I’m being punished for something I didn’t do. Thank you everybody16 September 2020 at 10:39 pm #44031
I’ve never wrote on chat rooms before so I hope this is helpful.
I would definitely suggest to research the mortgage payments, Regardless of who left the house or why, it should be up to the each parent to keep a roof over their own head. I dont want to have to say this (an im sorry because I think it will hurt, but…) if your sure the relationship is dead then it maybe worth your while to look at selling the house and splitting the amount. (Or she could buy you out) its not your responsibility to pay her housing cost indefinitely.
Maintenance is for your children not your ex, so that’s not so bad really, it means you know the kids have the money for food, school and clothes, and if needed she can put it to the housing costs.
My ex told me he was leaving after setting things up with another women. I left the house instead!
its not easy and is different for everyone. In the end I offered to pay half the rent for him till he found somewhere else. He still pays maintenance, but im flexible with it.
All I can really say is things will settle down. Just keep a straight head and don’t act on anger.
Good luck18 September 2020 at 11:15 pm #44079
Thank you for your input, I totally understand the maintenance payments, but to pay half the mortgage is beyond a joke considering, I need to get my own life in order an rebuild a future with a roof over my head an stability for the children when I see them. I’d like to just sell the property an an take my share an set up alone. I believe she is going to use the fact my son is only turned 1, meaning she doesn’t want to go back to work or technically she doesn’t have to until his 4 years old, I have no idea. She also expects me to pay half towards repairs going wrong in the house as well. I just want my own life now but she says I should be doing all this as well as fund my own life. I just can’t go on like this.20 September 2020 at 6:05 pm #44106
Coming from the other side where my husband moved out and is renting /paying half the mortgage and child maintenance–I spoke to a solicitor who said it was unreasonable to expect to stay in the house until the child is 18- my daughter is 2 and they will see that as being young enough to sell the house and move on and that I can’t really expect my ex to pay half the mortgage indefinitely as he too needs to move on. She did say that equity is unlikely to be split though as my daughter lives with me full time and they would look at what we both earn and the possibility of rebuilding etc.
If I were you get on the phone to a solicitor for a free 30 mins. She cannot expect you to pay out all these things until your child is 18 or how will you move on with life? I’m happy to release the house when I’m able to work full time either when my daughter is 3 and nursery fees are less or when she’s at school. I would only try and push for more equity but I don’t expect him to pay for us to live here indefinitely, I think that’s unreasonable.
Hope you get some good advice x21 September 2020 at 9:39 am #44139
Thank you so much for you comment an sharing your current experiences. I did speak to a solicitor an she said do not move out of the property etc, but I needed to get out as it was getting toxic. The solicitor said that she can claim there until the youngest is 18. I guess I just got to look at it now that my children still have their family home an stability, an I’d rather take on all there’s stress just so I know there happy. But I just don’t know how I’m going to be able to cope with it all. All my life I had ambition, I grafted to get where we are today my wife was a stay at home mum an I had everything lined up for us to settle an enjoy life, but she couldn’t wait an got bored. Now I’ve invested all I had an lost it. Its just like I’ve lost everything now an I should of perhaps focused on my family rather then our future21 September 2020 at 2:22 pm #44143
Cant you move back in and stay there!until you sort things out?21 September 2020 at 2:27 pm #44144
She’s had the locks changed an said she doesn’t want me in an out of their lives because she needs to focus an think about the children. An that I left because it was a decision I made an said I had to deal with it.21 September 2020 at 2:28 pm #44145
I moved into my sisters an was told I needed all my stuff out of the property by the end of the week so she could move on with her life21 September 2020 at 7:00 pm #44155
This sounds ridiculous – it is still your home and she has no rights to change the locks. Speak to another solicitor because as I said in my reply, her view seemed a lot fairer and she was just being honest. Another solicitor I spoke to wanted to fleece my husband for everything which I really would not want to do so do your research and speak to another solicitor, a lot off the free advice so it’s worth getting a few views on it.22 September 2020 at 10:29 am #44176
Thank you, I will do this 🙂22 September 2020 at 3:04 pm #44187
I’m sorry but your ex seems unreasonable.
My partner and I are in the process of separating now. We jointly own our house. We have arranged for me to stay in the house with our 12 year old until she finishes her gcses and then we’ll sell and go 50/50 on the profits.
He is going to pay £40 in maintenance each week and I will be responsible for the mortgage. I would never expect him to pay half the mortgage while he’s renting somewhere. I only work part time and will struggle financially but I want to be fair.23 September 2020 at 10:52 am #44194
Tell me about it. We always used to say how disgusting it is when parents split an use the children as weapons an stuff. Ever since I walked out she’s followed that path an just been pure spiteful an has become that person who’s out to destroy me just in the hope she gets the whole property, the children an her maintenance. She really is set for life whilst I have to find my own feet an be punished for something I didn’t even cause