Separation … scary thing….stepping into the unknown

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    sgakhel@outlook.com
    Participant

    Hi All ,

    I came across this site as saw lot of ladies like me are in similar position!
    right now I feel so emotional, broken and hurt 😔 reason being my marriage after 20 years has ended ! I have two children!

    We haven’t been getting on for a while…. I had depression anxieties and I knew overall the relationship was not doing me good… so I had to step out…. difficult move but was strong enough to make it for my wellbeing and for the children!
    All my kids could see was us at each other’s throat! Not a pleasant environment for anyone! So this overall move had to happen it was inevitable , I had dragged it out as much as I could sacrificing my health by staying in marriage for the kids…. but I then started to realise I couldn’t be a good mum to them the way I had become, not been able to be there for them emotionally as I became withdrawn and resented everything because of the situation I was in!

    we have now been separated for few months and we have to now decide what we want to do with house etc joint mortgage!
    I want to stay in the house with kids as it’s family home but he’s being difficult and doesn’t want to contribute a penny towards house or kids! And I’m not in a position right now to buy him out! This is just his pride / ego being hurt!

    I have finally found a solution towards my finances! Thank god! But now it’s hitting me more so that it’s ending officially this is it …. I feel numb, broken …. as 20 years is hell of a long time tbh we knew each other before that too for a few years too he has been such a big part of my life…. and now it’s like I have to close that chapter and step in to unknown!
    Believe me we have tried so many things to make marriage work but it hasn’t… so there is no future I know! But will I be strong enough to end this … as I keep trying to find ways to make things work again I think I’m just coming to terms with it right now! I need to stay strong …. this is why I’m on this site…. I need your support to stay strong focused and move on and do what’s best

    thank you for listening it has just so helped writing it out!

     

    #41386 Report

    Sallenew
    Participant

    Hi there, I’m in a very similar situation myself although we were together for 13 years not 20. We separated last June but I still feel so raw and emotional. I really feel that fear of stepping into the unknown, questioning every day whether I should have stayed to make it work, I feel enormous guilt that my decision to end things has damaged the children (7 and 9). There will be days where you feel able to take on the world and others where you cry yourself to sleep. I don’t know when life starts to feel ok again but I do think it helps to recognise that it is a grieving process, not just for what you have lost but for all the other things like future plans, memories, friendships etc. Be kind to yourself, feel the emotion and know it is part of the healing. Find someone you can talk openly with who will listen and support you. Separation was what I felt I needed at the time, I still know it was right deep down, but my god it hurts and continues to throw me at unpredictable times. Making a meal that my husband liked- I end up crying out of nowhere, a song, a memory, photographs etc….it still hurts. But seek out support, don’t isolate yourself and do things that make YOU happy x

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