separation official – deteriorating situation, physical assault, kids told …

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    Last week we in counselling we were encouraged to share the personal perspective behind why the relationship fail … and deteriorating rapidly from there.  Far too much detail but the high level:

    • wife has spent c. 12-18 months partying 4 to 8 times a month , on occasion school days and on a couple of occasions not coming back at all
    • wife continues to maintain here isn’t another person / or more precise the house is only for her and the kids
    • wife says she’s focused on the children but went out last week during the day with “friends” with our young daughter yet returned annihilated  (later apologised)
    • wife assaulted me when challenged about previous weeks events
    • wife now telling everyone “communication has broken down” when little actual effort is being made to communicate ; none of the underlying issues are being resolve
    • There seems little chance to repair the relationship; especially after the daughter incident and assault.

    Change in position:

    • wife, your only having the kids every other weekend , not at all during the week … and unless i agree with this she says “I can make this very messy”
    • wife, your forcing me to move out of the house – no i’m just not moving out myself your welcome to remain here while we sort things out
    • threatening to mud-sling both with friends and work

    A little lost with what happens next … it seems her position isn’t about the kids but rather about striking out and scoring points.  I’m trying not to engage or antagonise but feel this is just starting to ratchet up . What experience have people had, and what advice.

    #23265 Report


    It’s not a great situation! I feel for you. I’ve made the break from my husband (alcoholic/mental health issues) and although I’m pleased I have, I’m struggling to see a way forward. I don’t work and so definitely can’t afford to stay in family home. Not really sure where to look for help either. Don’t think help is out there if you’re seen to own your own property!

    #23266 Report


    Hi dad2019 and Bka,

    I’m sorry to hear you’ve both been through some very difficult situations. The forum can provide some great support from other single parents who have been through similar experiences. If you do need some extra support, the Gingerbread helpline can provide advice on all subjects that you might need help with, including separation, conflict, family law and your financial situation. Please visit this link for the number, opening hours and other useful information about the helpline:

    Wishing you all the best,


    #23268 Report


    Have PM’d you dad2019

    Hang in there, you’ll get through this.

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