28 August 2020 at 9:37 am #43305
I have separated from my baby’s Father in January around the time I went back to work full time. This was very difficult anyway in view of having an incredibly busy job and previously my daughter having not spent anytime away from me.
She is now 18 months old. We are very close.
In pandemic I have been working harder with more shifts in the hospital, whilst father has essentially not been working at all so she our daughter has been spending all her days with him his mum and sister and their kids. Dad moved back in with mum. His family are very good with dAughter and she loves her cousins. He has also been obstructive to me spending time with her despite what I feel a wealth of time being afforded to him, if I managed to finish early he would not let me see her. He would make me stand out on street when I dropped in morning and being rude to me on daily basis. He would Bring her back later and later past her bedtime so her time with me is so small. He does also love her to bits but feel he is deliberately pushing me out and part of this is his general anger towards me. It is very hard as I feel being deliberately pushed away and excluded by him and sure my girl must feel this.
We went to mediation primarily as he was stipulating that despite his mother moving to over an hour away I would have to drop our daughter there for childcare on Monday Tuesday when both working and would not let me have any say in other childcare. This was not feasible for me S work very long hours anyway. He only agreed after mediator told him he could not control or veto all my decisions.
He now reasonably wants some overnight stays so every other weekend and one days week. When he goes back to work he will only be working part time so his time with her is full whereas I am working. He works as teacher so will always have the holidays with her.
My baby girl has always been. Mummy’s girl but this last week following a weekend Way and further night away she has started pushing me away when he is there and going to him and shouting at me. I am utterly mashed up. I know this can be a developmental stage but it has coincided with overnight stays which alsoNecessitated me ending our Breast feeding journey.
I just posting this for solidarity if anything has been through this. I am not sure what I can do and hope it will pass. I love our daughter to bits and out all my energy into her.
I am not ok at all with such limited time I have with daughter. If I could have a choice I would work part time. In our relationship I paid for pretty much everything this has continued with dad not contributing any money. Whilst I know I can get him via child maintenance support agency to pay something. First I do not feel it will be reliable as he is not and secondly he tells me is now renting a flat and cannot afford it and don’t wAnt to be held responsible by him for getting into financial difficulties. Either way I feel fully responsible for daughter financially day to day and the future. We live in london so costs are incredibly high. I have considered leaving london to go and live near my family to enable me to work part time. But there is so much instability in my life at moment and my job is specialist so not easy to change. I have great colleagues And I like my job so changing and interview process would be difficult now. On top of which I would feel bad moving away from dad as he loves our daughter too. She also adores her Paternal cousins who live nearby.
i am just very much struggling with how little time I have with daughter and scared out bond being damaged and it is destroying me and I don’t know what to do.
I do also feel resentful that dad is getting to enjoy time whilst either myself or grandmother paternal cook clean for her her and not taking financial responsibility. I also feel resentful and angry with him with how he treated me in past and do feel I blame him for ending relationship. I don’t like having negative feelings As generally very forgiving and happy and am struggling with them.
Thank you for your advice