Separation and stepchild

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  • #15139 Report

    spartikoos
    Participant

    Hi people.

    My now ex and I were together for 4 years and 2 years ago she gave birth to my son who I genuinely have a close strong bond with.  When I got with my partner then, she had a 4yo daughter .  I never really had a connection with her or felt any kind of patrrnal affection towards her but when my son was born she asked if she could call me dad and after talking it through with my partner we both felt it was okay and fair on both kids to allow that.

    When we broke up and set up arrangements for maintenance and stays I agreed to have both kids together and keep things as best as possible for as long as the stepchild wanted too. I have not conciously tried to make things bad between the kids but apparently the step child says I’m grumpy and that if I’m like this she doesn’t want to come with me anymore . I think this stems from the last weekend I had them both and I asked the mother to have a word and ask the step child not to keep asking if the 2yo boy wants his mummy or to go home like several times over the day as I find it upsetting.

    So the mother asked me flat out yesterday if I wanted a relationship at all with the step child or not at all.  As I said I have tried to keep things balanced and to maintain it but it clearly hasn’t worked .

    I personally find it easier and less confusing to just see to my son and not have a rollercoaster ride with the step child with her staying one minute and not the next and then if I fairly discipline her to then complain to her mum.

     

    I have to decide and give an answer tonight . I am on the thought process as I said above but I want to check if I’m being an absolute arsehole or not if there’s anything else I could do? It also allows the stepchild to have a chance at having a better father figure in her life than me if I’m that bad should the mother want this and to date again .

    #15155 Report

    spartikoos
    Participant

    Thank you for the advice Anonymous. When I have this chat later I am going to get slated something chronic but yes do feel that it wouldn’t benefit anyone in the long run

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