Separation and completely clueless

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  • #45277 Report


    10 days ago my husband of 15 years (been together 24) said that our marriage wasn’t working and it should end as he didn’t love me anymore.  Whilst it was a shock I agree that there hasn’t been anything between us for a while, he left and has been staying with a friend overnight but coming back to see the children (14, 12, 10)  most days.


    He has made it clear he wants to keep our house, (jointly named on the mortgage) he pays all the bills and for the car i drive. Whilst I work its only part time and my money pays for a few bills and the food shopping and the children etc.  I can’t afford to stay here and pay the mortgage but I also can’t afford to move out and rent privately.

    I just don’t know what I need to do, I’m kind of just carrying on as normal without him here, I’m completely clueless.


    Any help or advice is welcomed 😫

    #45289 Report


    Have you looked at Universal Credit? They won’t pay a private mortgage but I think they do rent. You should also get single person allowance to help cover the bills and possibly the child part of it depending on the children’s age (I get up to 85% of my nursery fees paid which allows me to go to work). Also Council tax do a 25% single person discount. Hope this helps xxx

    #45295 Report


    Thank you, I have had a little look st universal credit but its quite confusing on what I need to put, am I now classed as single or in a couple because we’re still married? He still pays the bills at the moment, I need to call someone for advice but I’m not sure if I need to call Citizens Advice or the universal credit people 🤔

    #45298 Report


    I would double check, but I think it might depend on your living arrangements. I’m technically still married (separated for 3 months and currently going through divorce) and I get U/C. I’m still living in the marital home and he moved out, so I’m living there alone with our child. I also get the 25% council tax reduction as I’m the only one living there over 18 xxx

    #45484 Report



    I am in a similar situation.He told me he didn’t love me not find me attractive anymore. He left. I’m not frim this country. This is what I’ve done so far. Hope it helps : I applied for universal credit through the gov. UK site (if you call to a job centre they tell you to apply through gov. UK) set up your account as if you are applying and once you have that they help you through the website and through phone calls they make you, they are called”interviews” and you need to support them with documents. Also, you should apply to child support to receive  some money every month.(I don’t know if in your case applies, but I would think so).

    There’s a 25%discount in council tax because there’s only 1 adult living in the house.

    My still husband wants me to pay all the bills and half the mortgage. I don’t know if that is going to be possible. As I am going to have the kids (6 and 3)and I cannot work full time yet. I was a stay at home wife. So there is a 7 year gap in my cv.  Anyway! Stay positive and lots of research.

    Big hugs!

    #45516 Report


    Hi Cecee,

    Thank you for your post. I’ve taken some legal advice and I don’t need to leave our home until our youngest is 18 but I can’t afford the bills here and my husband has a workshop and often works from home.

    I’ve made my claim for universal credit which takes 5 weeks, we’ve agreeded I will probably stay in the house until after Christmas then try to private rent.

    Things are okay at the moment and I’m pleased I’ve made progress.

    Good luck xx

    #45549 Report

    I needaliein

    Hi there, it may be of some comfort to know there is additional help and (slightly) easier access to UC at the moment because of Covid…You may be eligible for addition council tax help on top of single person discount, and, if you haven’t already, can take a payment holiday from your mortgage and some other bills- Martin Lewis’ Money Saving Expert has the latest info on Covid help of all types. It might help to buy you some time to think things over? It’s a massive change for you and the kids- giving yourself a bit of breathing space and being kind to yourself .might help you make the best decision longer term. If you don’t all.have to move straight away it’s one less change to adapt to 🙂 Wishing you all the best 🙂

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