Separation and child advice
28 August 2020 at 3:33 am #43302
This is my first time on any kind of forum so please be nice.
Im 29 and have a 3 (nearly 4) year old daughter .Around 5 days ago my fiancee of 11 years told me she is no longer in love with me, she also told me I had to move out soon but agreed it would happen after she gets back from visiting her family 400miles away on her own.
We planned to share custody around us both working night and we agree it’s the best way to do it. Around 3 days ago I wake up and my ex and my daughter are gone and all I have is a note, she said she had to get away and would be in touch. Shes no saying she’s not sure when or if she’s coming back.
She’s gone up to be with her family and is saying she no longer wants to live in the area we have been. She won’t tell me when ill be able to see my daughter next or anything. My daughter was due to start pre school next week but I’m not sure if that’s happening now.
I either have to have full custody of my daughter and my ex stay 400miles away or her have custody and me live 400miles away. If I move up there I’ll have no one apart from when I occasionally see my daughter.
I really don’t know what to do and could do with some advice. Thank you28 August 2020 at 6:00 pm #43316
This sounds really hard, I’m so sorry. Can’t she come back and live at different place than you lived together? Maybe give her some time and she will see that your daughter needs both parents?28 August 2020 at 7:52 pm #43320
Are you both on the birth certificate?28 August 2020 at 10:30 pm #43331
Hi she refuses to live anywhere but where her family is and she’s telling me I should move up or I won’t get to see my daughter.
We’re both on the birth certificate28 August 2020 at 11:52 pm #43334
If you are both on the birth certificate, then she can’t just pack up and move because you have joined custody for the child, if there isn’t a very good reason. Someone here should be able do give more info because I am not very firm in this. There is a court order you can ask for and you are even covered by legal aid. Citizen advice is open on Saturdays, they should have a list of family solicitors who give you 30 minutes free advice. But you have to hurry because time is of the essence.29 August 2020 at 12:53 am #43335
Guess I will have to try the legal route. I want my daughter full time if possible I can’t imagine only seeing her 2 days a week. I miss them both so much even after what she’s done it’s been nearly 5 days and still hurts like crazy29 August 2020 at 10:53 am #43338
Retaliation isn’t a good thing. Set your aims wisely and think always about what is best for the child. In the long run your child will know. You want a happy child, not your child.29 August 2020 at 11:14 am #43339
I don’t want to retaliate I really do think I can give her the most stability on a normal day and have her in a good routine.29 August 2020 at 11:16 am #43340
I’d recommend that you speak with a solicitor on Monday if you can not get written confirmation from your ex partner when she intends to return your child to you, and you find her suggestion reasonable. Despite her having parental responsibility, she has turned your daughters world upside down by taking her from the family home to live 400 miles away and all without the knowledge or consent of yourself, who also has 50% parental responsibility. Absolutely no respect. The police will not be interested as you both have equal parental responsibility, unless you have safeguarding concerns about your daughter.
Personally, I would speak with the solicitor regarding aN emergency prohibited steps order (I think) which would seek to return the child to your care within a set time frame (only if your ex does not agree to return and does so). I don’t think you need to apply for mediation in this case as it’s an emergency order for the court to assess but maybe helpful later when you start working on child arrangement order. You could check with the solicitor.29 August 2020 at 1:52 pm #43346
Thank you for the reply. I’m still chasing and answer from her so soon I will have to go through solicitors, wish I didn’t have to but they are both currently living between 3 separate house at the moment which isn’t fair on my daughter because she needs stability29 August 2020 at 6:15 pm #43356
I would ask her to reply by a specific time such as Sunday 8pm then you know where you stand and it’s not an open ended wait for you. You can then seek advice on Monday. Just go for a free 30 min consultation initially. You might ask them if you can make the application to the courts yourself and which form you might use. If you contact the court directly, their customer services are usually helpful with this kind of stuff but won’t offer legal advice30 August 2020 at 11:07 am #43367
I didn´t read all repies. Under my point of view the bully in a relationship and the “less kind” always wins. I think that as much as she needs her family she can´t do that to you. Go to a solicitor as soon as and look at your legal rights. If she has already done that I don´t think you should be reasonable. Fight back as soon as!!!. Another advice: Try your best in mediation. Going to Court can be expensive. Look at your rights but your name is on the birth certificate, that is good for you.30 August 2020 at 9:39 pm #43381
Thank you for your replies. Think we’re finally and slowly sorting thing but she doesn’t make it easy. If she sticks with what she’s saying I’ll be having my daughter most of the week and were gonna meet half way to transfer my daughter everything. Alot of driving so I feel bad for my daughter but it’s the only solution. Thanks again I really do appreciate all the help!