Separating

Home Online forum Gingerbread Forum Separating

Viewing 4 posts - 1 through 4 (of 4 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • #16484 Report

    Warrior127
    Participant

    My partner of 20 years left 3 weeks ago. He said there was no one else involved and everything was amicable until he blocked all communication out of the blue. We havec2 children together aged 13 and 9. He was staying at my step fathers, saying he Was unwell and wanted no contact. A week later. He didn’t ask or speak to the children so I made an effort for arrangements. A week after he left I found out (via detective work) he was seeing someone else. Since then he has never provided an explanation. He cheated the previous year and made a promise he would never Purvis through this again. He was dating this woman whilst at my step Dads and was asked to leave when he found out. During this time he has transferred money but made very little effort with the boys. He sends an occasional text but no emotional support. They have asked him why he cheated etc and he won’t give them answers. All I wanted was some honesty so we could move on. A week later I find out he has been to a Solicitor about a separation agreement. I can’t afford to get my own solicitor. I sent him emails – about 10 in total over the few weeks about how we needed an explanation. I was not sure he wasceven getting them. I had a call yesterday from the Police stating that he had made a complaint of harassment. I queried this as he has never had contact with me to tell me he was even receiving emails it they were unwanted. I also asked the Officer that why has he since emailed me on 2 occasions after the Police complaint. He advised me to get legal advice. I am left in a situation whereby I don’t know where he is living but pretty sure it is with his new woman and cannot contact him. I had sent emails asking him if we could communicate and resolve this for the children. He is not even phoning them or texting them. He has left me with all responsibilities of the house and the only way to get a message to him is via his mother. My oldest is saying he doesn’t want to see him. I don’t want either children to see him at present without knowing his situation, whereabouts or being able to contact him. He told the children he will explain why he left and cheated when he sees them which could not be for a long time now. I don’t want him giving my children the answers and them having to tell me. He needs to firstly explain to me. It wouldn’t be fair to explain his behaviour to them knowing they would tell me. Seems like a cop out. I think he saw his solicitor after he went to the police, hence the 2 emails he sent me as he must have been advised to try and make contact. However I cannot put myself in a position whereby if I ask the wrongvwuestion or say something he doesn’t like he reports me to the Police. He seems to want to communicate on his terms. I don’t recognise who he is and he is not helping one bit apart from financially but he has already started the ball rolling with this. The boys and I are only just coming to terms with the split and the cheating never mind finances etc. It seems to be all going too fast. I font trust him anymore with my boys as he seems unable to protect them emotionally. I could see him introducing them to his new partner as he would think this is ok. I feel I should be given an explanation before my children. He is just avoiding any contact but going through a process. He hasn’t asked how they are or anything. Any advise would be welcomed. X

    #16485 Report

    Warrior127
    Participant

    We are not married either so it makes it all more complicated. He did verbally agree that we would do a cohabitation agreement last year but did not get round to it. He said I could claim half his pension. I can’t trust him to put my children first. I asked him in the first week we spilt if he was putting his own needs before seeing his children and he said he was.

    #16514 Report

    Nightrunner
    Participant

    See it as it is.  My ex manipulated me into a relationship telling me his relationship with his ex was over.  He is married  anything happens to him my kids get nothing.  On top of that I was clearly used to fulfil a dream of having kids as his sister told me she thinks I was used.  He comes form an Asian family and as soon as I can afford to I will get some legal advice.

    He has gone and  thats how I would see it.  If he lies you have nothing to basgis promises on.  Its hard to get your head around.   If you can get some legal advice.  As maintanance is improtant.

    #16579 Report

    Claire_E
    Participant
    • Hi Warrior127.  I can’t answer any of your specific questions but I was in a similar position about 18 months ago when my relationship of over 20 years (unmarried) ended.  There had been a lot of underlying tension and resentment (with the benefit of hindsight) but the breakup itself was relatively sudden and he had moved out within a week or so, leaving me with our two children aged 9 and 11.  I have been through so many ups and downs since then but it does get better!  One thing I would say is you can’t make your former partner want to see your children – that’s the hardest thing for me as he has moved to another part of the country and has only seen them about three times this year.  As my parents are still together I can’t imagine how it feels for them and I know my youngest has been affected by his dad not being around.  As hard as it sounds some people just do not put their children first.  I could not have got through the last year or so without my close friends as when it’s just you sorting the house, school/activities out you need all the help you can get!  Best of luck, allow yourself time to be upset, especially when you see ‘happy’ families out and about, and make sure you take care of yourself – so you can be strong for your children x
Viewing 4 posts - 1 through 4 (of 4 total)

Log in or register to reply to this thread

Log In Register