Separating with a nearly 2 year old – how can I do this?

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  • #62391 Report

    chocan123
    Participant

    Hi everyone

    I just learned yesterday that my husband of 5 years/partner since I was 19 (I’m 35) has been having an affair and now our marriage is ending.  I found out yesterday by finding graphic messages on his phone, which I had looked at after months of unhappiness where he told me he hadn’t met someone else but had.  He was blaming our stress on my work stress (I am dealing with a horrible situation at my work where they are now trying to get rid of me after a really horrible return to work after maternity leave full of discrimination and bad treatment).  He told me he hasn’t been happy for months and has said a number of times when drunk he doesn’t see us being together longer term.  He talked me into going to see a marriage counsellor saying he wanted us to try and reconnect but he was just so distant I knew there had to be more to it, and sadly I was proven right.

    Our beautiful baby girl isn’t even 2 yet – she will be 2 end of December.  The last 2 years have been so hard with all the lockdowns but I believe we are good parents and I thought a had a strong family bond. It breaks my heart to have her happy little life blown apart.

    This is all just an awful blow and I don’t know what to do now.  How do I handle this process well for my daughter’s sake when I’m so hurt and angry?

    Some immediate concerns I have are how shared custody is going to work.  When I leave my job soon I’m thinking it might be better to move in with my mum for a bit.  But it would mean relocating 3.5 hours from where we live currently and upending our usual routines.  But I just don’t see how I can stay in our home without any support once I lose my job.  Nor would I want to.  Can I move and if so what happens with custody? I don’t want her having to do hours of travel, so would my husband have to travel to visit her?

    Is there any other advice for trying to to navigate divorce and co-parenting with such a young child?  What about if he wants this other woman to be involved?  She’s only 23 and the messages they were sharing were so obscene but he was also talking about our daughter with her which just made me feel ill.

    Help.  I’m so scared of what’s to come and I’m just so sad and angry.

    #62392 Report

    AnotherStatistic
    Participant

    This sounds really tough and I’m sorry you have to go through it. In terms of sorting out child custody, finances, and accommodation, have you thought about getting mediation?   My wife has turned our world upside down and we are getting divorced. At the beginning I had so many questions whirling through my mind like you, but mediation helps to break it down into manageable stages.

    #62523 Report

    GingerbreadHelen
    Keymaster

    Hi chocan123, @anotherstatistic’s suggestion of mediation is a great idea. Here are some other practical tips on our webpages. Separating – Gingerbread.

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