Separating finances – options

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  • #48234 Report


    Just over a week ago my husband said he’s done with the marriage, he moved out on Friday to a rental. We have a mortgage and I can take it on but will need to pay him 37K to buy out his equity.
    questions I’ve got are…

    1) do I buy him out now and accept a few K fee for cancelling mortgage?

    2) transfer mortgage into my name and keep paying current deal & wait till later in the year to remortgage? And pay him his share then?

    3) I earn more so not expecting any maintenance if we do 50/50 custody – do I get a clean break / consent order before or after divorce granted?

    4) is it right I can get free Advice initially from a solicitor?
    thanks for any advice x

    #48235 Report


    When I was sorting out the house etc from my divorce my solicitor told me not to get the decree absolute until all the finances were settled and the court order in place.   You can get a free half hour with a solicitor.  I went to court to finalise my financial settlement because my ex was very awkward and refused to discuss anything, if you are able to speak to you hursband and agree everything it should be a lot easier.  My solicitor charged me a fixed price of £1500 for all the work she did on my financial settlement and attending court etc which was a bargain as my ex dragged it on for 3 years

    #48239 Report


    Re 1 and 2, go see a financial advisor.

    He moved out only a week ago, you haven’t even had time to deal with that yet, and you’r already talking in a calculating way about divorce and splitting finances.  Tensions are going to be quite high, so making any kind of financial decisions while emotion is in the mix without sound advice is not a good thing.

    Without sounding judgemental it sounds purely from the amount of options you have at your disposal that you are not currently in immediate financial hardship, so you should count yourself very lucky there especially in current covid situation.

    It surprises me that your ex has managed to move out into a rental within a week of having split up.  The rental market at the moment all over is very stagnant, and even after having found somewhere to rent the process of application for rental, and references coming back etc…usually takes much longer. The reason I mention this is that you mention you earn more.  To find somewhere so quickly, it’s unlikely that he has found somewhere semi-permanent that is suitable for kids to stay, so in terms of custody if you are planning 50/50 custody you will want to at least ensure that he has enough finances to be able to provide a safe home for your kids when he has them.  I’ve been in several properties since I split – the first had no central heating and was middle of winter and a lunatic living next door, then had to move with family temporarily, then moved somewhere for 3 years that was safe and affordable but had to move for work related reasons, after that I moved to be near my son (same City), and rent was £250 more per week cause of the city premium, so although I was saving on fuel, bills and rent were high, plus it was the cheapest I could afford neraby and the house was a state (landlord hadn’t sorted leaking toilet for the 9 motnhs I was there for, and a cooker that was condemned cuase of a carbon monoxide leak. There were other issues with maintainence throughout the tennacy and just goes to show sometimes expensive places to be nearby is stil  not enough to pay for somewhere safe.

    So if you are left with the family home at least take into consideration where your kids will be staying when they are with him and make sure he’s able to afford somewhere safe for them, as the temptation is to look at current finances and find cheapest and quickest you can afford when you split and move out without thinking through long term what is needed and how to attain it, cause it’s going from working as a team to having to factor in many other things financially and practically, and sometimes it takes a while for all these things to be apparent (especially when there is so much emotion involved in the break up and you aren’t thinking straight).

    Whatever you decide to do, don’t rush it, thinking it through carefully and talk to your ex from perspective of how you will manage custody, and what is needed to be able to do this safely and effectivly.  Basically focus on the kids…. and their needs (which come into play when they are staying with him).When you are not the one left with the house  during a split regardless of fault, finding a suitable place to live is a huge factor.

    3. Mediation is now a prerequisite for divorce  (with the exception of certain circumstances) so before you can apply for divorce you have to apply for mediation and go through that process) during this time you will have a meeting with your ex, and you will be able to discuss things such as custody of the kids etc, and finances too.  If you are able to do this semi-amicably then you won’t need a solicitor other than to take what you have decided on during mediation and have it written up to make it legally binding.

    A divorce does not mean you are free of each other’s assets, as you say you need a clean-break order for this.  If you are able to do this however you can draw up a consent order based on what you’ve decided during mediation, and make it legally binding so that when submitted to the court with the divorce petition if accepted by both parties then will give you that fresh starit financially that you describe.

    Once the consent order has been put in you don’t have any claim on each other’s finances if this has been included in the consent order so anything like declaration of finances etc has to be done before this.

    4.. Yes you can get free one hour’s consultation from a solicitor, but be wary because they will see you coming a mile off (as in someone who has just split from their ex and emotions all over the place… and they will see this as an opportunity to make money from you).  Also as soon as you advise you are seeing a solicitor your ex will do same and dialogue between you will end up dialogue between two soliicitors (both with agenda of making as much money as possible from your recent split), so if you want to come to the most amicable agreement between yourselves avoid doing this unless / until you need it.  Solicotors are expensive and especially in the current pandemic situation you will want your hard earnt money spent on other things (making sure your kids are looked after for example,and ensuring you both have a safe home to be locked down in).  If you are both able to communicate ok you can get a divirce done yourself fur just under £500.  (you just need also consent forms drafted by solicitor to submit to court if you are planning on doing this but this is a fixed cost rather than lengthy appointments with solicitors battling it out.

    If you go and see a solicitor initially both yours and your ex’s will both tell each of you to do the other out of as much money as possible, and give you horror stories about custody etc and things you need to do to make sure the other doesnt run away with the kids etc …..  so when you go to see the solicitor make sure you remember you are their customer, they are working for you…. they are under your instruction, and are there to provide legal advice based on the  questions you ask… NOT any kind of other advice.

    Go see a mediator, and go see a financial advisor.  If mediation doesn’t work or he refuses to see one…. then go see a solitor for advice but until then unless you have a specific legal questionon answered that youcant find the answer to, or need a legal mdocument signing you dont need a solicitor at this point.

    Primarily though in all of this focus on how it will affect the kids and how you are going to both provide the best suport for them as newly single parents.

    Hope this helps.


    Hope this helps.

    #48242 Report


    Thanks for replies so far,

    yes I am fortunate to be able to keep the house and be working in a pandemic , I’m a keyworker for NHS ( for 20 years) –

    yes I still can’t believe it’s only a week ( and 4 days) since being faced with this but he has obviously been planning his bit for some time –  he hasn’t moved into rental yet …. til next week and I know the property, it’s in my area and is walking distance for my eldest for school etc.  I feel that the rental place is acceptable -with a bedroom each for the kids – I’ve seen pictures and driven by and the estate agent is also local and well known.
    I want to stay amicable and agree custody do the kids don’t see any upset. I’m only staying in the house so the kids have some continuity at the moment.

    #48247 Report


    NHS here also.  I think this is my point both about finances and extra hassle you don’t need.  If you are able to sort things amicably and ensure that the money you both do have left then keep it to yourselves to spend on getting through this pandemic and keeping the kids safe, not put it in pocket of those looking to profit on your misfortune.

    With moving into new rental so fast, without playing devil’s advocate if he hasn’t done a knee jerk reaction and found somewhere very cheap and unsuitable then yes it does sound like it was planned for some time, but looking long and trying to think to when all this covid mess eases a bit (let’s hope sooner than we are currently anticipating), then you’re going to want to make sure that custodial arrangmements are as smooth as possible for the kids.  They’ve had enough disruption this year and will of course be feeling very unsettled so making sure they are as comfortable as possible under the cirucmtances is extremely important right now. If you have joint custody then both of their parent’s homes have to be safe and feel like a home to them.

    From your side at least it sounds like you are wanting things to be amicable, hopefully their dad will also be of the same mindset.

    Best of luck, take your time and don’t make any important decisions when emotional, if you need extra time ask for it.


    #48250 Report


    What you wrote sounds really good . I am sure he will agree and if he dont he may end up with less. There are ways of sorting it out with solicitors .

    Although u may need to spend a small amount to have it sorted out in court  and have it legally binding so theres no comebacks

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