Separating and finding it hard to cope

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  • #56637 Report


    Hello, I’m new here. My husband and I are beginning the process of separating. I am devastated am finding it hard to visualise any kind of future. Our kids are 7 and 5. I am due to start a PGCE in September and am just terrified about getting through it.   I’m just looking for a reassuring word or two really.

    #56651 Report


    Hello Leight,

    All out on the sunny beaches. So I will respond.

    Most of us here have been there. Just take it hour by hour, then day by day, month by month. After some time the worst injuries will start to heal and you can start to build up a perspective again.

    The PGCE might give you just the structure in your life you need to get through this.

    The end of a relationship is not the end of the world. Only the end of the world as we know it. So a lot of new things out there to explore. You might even enjoy it.

    All the best

    #56654 Report

    Aussie Dad

    Hi Leigh,


    I’m not sure of your personal situation but you can do anything if you try ( clichè noted).   If you have family or friends who can be of some support then that will greatly assist you getting through things.


    And depending on the arrangements you make with your (soon to be ex) hubby regarding custody of your children, and how amicable it is, then that will determine how much time you have to commit to your studies.


    Once you work those things out then it should all become a bit clearer.


    You can do it, absolutely!

    #56673 Report


    Thank you so much for your responses. I hope the PGCE will help. I am just worried because I’m finding it hard to concentrate on anything at the moment. Can’t see any future. I hope it will get better, just can’t see it at the moment and it’s so hard to carry on for the kids.

    Thanks again for the responses.

    #56927 Report


    Hi Leigh,

    I’m new here too. My husband left me a week ago and I’m in a similiar position to you. Feeling incredible low and vulnerable, its hard to see any positives. I have no idea how this forum works, but I’m here if you need anyone to talk to. I appreciate how weird that sounds coming from a total stranger.


    #56946 Report


    Hi Becky

    I am so sorry you are going through this too. I just feel like I am never going to feel happy again, it’s all just so painful. And so hard to keep going for the kids. It’s going to be a long summer.

    Take care


    #58769 Report

    Andrew uk

    Hello. It does get better i promise.  Good luck for the PGCE. I did one  a few years ago. Message me if you want.

    #58827 Report



    I am also very new to this.  My wife wants a separation and we have two children (10 and 8).  I can not concentrate on work and my mind is in other places right now.  She wants me to move out so she can get on with her life and not have me in the house.  The thought of leaving the children and only seeing them part time is killing me.  I was not a bad husband, but I could always have done things differently….maybe not working long hours, being more supportive at times…but, generally I was a good husband and father.

    #58901 Report


    I am also going through a recent separation and feel the same way you are. It’s natural and ok to not be ok.

    I’ve spoken to a few friends and colleagues who have also gone through similar ranging from 2-5 years down the road and they say it does get easier and it does get better. There are good days and not so good ones on the way, but there is a future and happiness does return. I’m trying to hold on to that and know there are others out there who are in or have been in the same situation

    #58938 Report


    Hello and thank you to all of you for replying. I’m doing ok – mainly because of getting some pharmaceutical help from my gp which is allowing me to feel calmer and cope better with the day-to-day.

    I’m so sorry you are all going through / have been through this too. I’m shocked by how bad it’s been I think.

    Thanks for the good wishes for the PGCE Andrew. I feel I’m going to need them!

    #59186 Report


    I feel the same.  My husband left me and our two children (9 and 11) last week, the same week that my eldest started secondary school. I’ve been off work since as I’m not sleeping or eating properly and just can’t see how I’m going to get through this. We were together 20 years and I forgave him for a huge amount of cheating that I found out about when my youngest was a baby, that had happened from 2004-12. I feel like such a fool to have wasted nearly a decade more on him. He has no emotional response to me being so crushed by it.  He says he hasn’t loved me since last January, doesn’t find me attractive and moved on in his head months ago.  He even said he’s hated being intimate (but did it anyway!). He’s worked away in the week for a year and I’m convinced there’s someone there, but he denies it. I want to hate him but I still love him, which is crazy given what he’s just done to our family.

    #59187 Report


    I am so sorry you are going through this. It sounds really traumatic. Please don’t beat yourself up for anything.

    Make sure you get help if you need it. Talk to someone even if it’s just the GP as I did. I hope you can find a way to take care of yourself. Xxxx

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