Separated with joint mortgage – questions

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  • #6041 Report


    Hi, I have been separated from my ex (can’t afford divorce!) for 2 years. We are both jointly named on the mortgage. We were both working at the time it was taken out and comfortable.

    When he left I had to leave my job as a) I have a chronic health condition and b) my eldest child has autism and adhd and I just couldn’t cope. My eldest is not biologically his but my daughter is.

    At first he wasn’t paying towards anything but after a couple of months he started to. He currently pays half the mortgage and the two loans (personal ones) which were taken for purposes of home improvements. Plus gives me some maintenance.

    I had a free half hour with a solicitor who said he can’t make me leave the home until our youngest turns 18. However I’ve been told by a friend’s father – who is a judge, that he can force me to sell the house or I can buy him out by remortgaging. However I can not afford to take on the mortgage on my own and due to not working probably wouldn’t get a remortgage either.

    He is currently claiming he can’t see the kids more than he does (2 nights every other week so 4 nights a month roughly) due to having to pay the mortgage. And money being tight, so I have a feeling he’s going to try and get out of it.

    I don’t know exactly where I stand due to conflicting advice. Can he force me to sell? Can he stop paying making me pay the shortfall? Does he legally have to pay until DD is 18? I plan on calling the helpline but it’s not open until Monday now. If anyone has any advice it would be gratefully received. Thanks.

    #6053 Report


    This is exactly what happened to me. My husband had a double life but property was in his name. I paid all bills and remodernised house. He just paid £200 which covered the mortgage . Hardly anything as he is super rich. I was desperate for a child and I had 4 miscarriage so although he had other women I begged him to help me have a child.  He said no so I used a donor. To cut a long story short he took me to court got a good excellent  legal team pleaded poverty to divorce me and take my money.  He hid his money and i had to give him mine. I had nothing but my strength and was able to buy the house from him or he could sell . I still owe him £32k and my little girl is autistic. He know all this but just wants money money money .I struggle to work part time as it’s hard working looking after a child with this condition. When you get legal advice these people just take your money. You will be left with nothing once the legal team know you have a house. I have a big mortgage and don’t have money for anything else. To go to court cost 10k.


    #6063 Report


    Hi, I had a similar issue regarding the mortgage- it it True that he can’t force you to sell the house to release his equity until his child is 18, however in my situation we stupidly had just finished an extension on our house to make it 4 bed and we have 2 kids so my solicitor said he can force me to sell to get a smaller place. Trying to get a mortgage on your own is difficult only a few lenders take benefits and maintence into account.


    if he isn’t living at the property I’m sure you can’t make him may anything towards the mortgage but if you default it affects him too.


    i would suggest going to mediation as you can get the facts and figures on the table and the options. I ended up nearly being homeless or having to quite my job as I couldn’t afford anything near my work and his solicitor based in a cheaper part of the country couldn’t understand why I was unable to buy with the money I would get from the house sale.

    #6070 Report


    Yes try mediation or get a friend or family  to help with this.  Do not go to solicitors as these people will take your money. The solicitors will say if you don’t have money to pay.them they will collect money on sale of house.

    He will argue that he has no where to live so you may be forced to downsize to give him money to find somewhere.  I was able to stay in my home as I work and got a small mortgage . Obviously it’s expensive but not as expensive as renting

    When my daughter turns 5 I will need to find his 32k . The court say if I don’t get this money to him I can be forced to sell.

    My court fees  ended up being 25 in the end.

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