Separated Dad. Need some advice

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  • #26962 Report


    I found out in November 2018 that my fiancee of nearly five years was having a sexual relationship with an old friend behind my back. She then left me for this man and moved out of the family home as you can imagine our relationship is bad, to say the least. We both agreed to share 50/50 custody of our 4-year-old daughter after we split which once she moved out of the home was poorly handled by mum as I was left looking after our daughter between 4-5 days a week for two months on my own, which I myself did not mind but I voiced my concerns to mum about her absence.

    We then started to get into the routine of having our child three days a week each week and alternating the extra day week by week. Now all these months later her partner (the man she cheated on me with) Has moved into her home and suddenly she has told me she is cutting my days with my child stating that she believes that our child is happier with them rather than myself.

    We did not go to mediation as she refused to go in the beginning and now I am in a situation where I’m stressed to the point of tears on a daily basis. I love my daughter more than anything in my life and I am afraid I am being pushed out of her life and have been basically used as childcare while her mother pursued this romance and now shes settled I am being tossed aside.

    I have kept a record of the time I have spent with my child since the breakup but I am afraid that if I pursue mediation/court I will lose even more time with my child.

    What can I do?




    #26964 Report


    You won’t lose more time, you’ll get shared time, but it will take time to navigate satisfactorily and depending how stubborn she is she won’t like it and therefore you, but she can’t defy the court order.

    You must pursue mediation – mediators will resolve this. If she won’t attend mediation you can apply for a MIAM and take her to court. You can represent yourself or get a McKenzie Friend to reduce your costs to virtually nothing. Trust me, solicitors don’t help anyone in Family Court as there is little law involved, they just keep the proceeds dragging because they get paid more! If she wants to hire one, let her!

    Unfortunately some mothers who change their mind on their sexual partner AFTER they have children feel they have the right to pretend the children have new fathers now – like it won’t matter to them! Or like the original father will just allow this!

    PM me if I can help further.


    #26967 Report


    Dear Mozza,

    The children need stability more than everything’s.

    Please be careful about these awful changes. Because, she understands the situation very well.she needs the stable situation in any subject. If her mother didn’t care about her, it’s your responsibility to do it for your daughter.

    I had the same problem with my wife but I decided to care about my son. Please please take care of her and protect her from these changes. Just sit and talk with your fiance and solved these issues. Our problems aren’t related to children’s .

    Take care


    #26969 Report


    Hi, Empty is right.You won’t lose more time with your daughter. Go to mediation and show that you have cared for your daughter in a 50:50 routine and wish to carry on with that.

    McKenzie Friends are brilliant if you need some support. Stay calm and be absolutely clear that your daughter is entitled to spend half her time with you, her dad. Good luck.

    #26976 Report

    Ruby – moderator

    Hi Mozza,

    You can ring the Gingerbread helpline for more information – 0808 802 0925

    You may also want to seek free legal advice – here is a link to the Gingerbread information page on how to do this –


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