Separated before lockdown so still living in same house!!
7 April 2020 at 1:55 pm #38750
Hello everyone. Hope everyone is well & staying safe. I’m new to the forum & need some advice, if anyone can help please. It’s a long one.
I’ve been with my husband for 12 years married for nearly 5. I have a daughter from a previous relationship who’s now 14.
We’ve not been happy for a long time but a few months a go I decided enough was enough & I deserve to be happy. At first he didn’t want it then he got his head around it & agreed with me that things haven’t been good for a while. We decided together that we would put things on hold because he’s son was getting married & we didn’t want to ruin that. So we carried on playing happy families. At beginning of March we told his grown up kids & there other halves together. They said me & my daughter would always be part of the family & it was good that we was staying friends. We was looking for places to live. Then lockdown came & we decided that side of things had to go on hold!! Thought we’d get through lockdown together because I had my best friend by my side. Few weeks a go I noticed him change towards me & my daughter. He was lying to us about everything. I asked him if he was talking to other women, he said no. So stupid me decided to go snooping on his PC!! Dropbox was pictures of another woman!! I spoke to him about it & he finally admitted it. I knew he was hiding something else so went snooping through his emails. Another woman this time from plenty of fish!! We ended up having another argument!! He admitted everything. Said he felt lonely!! I can’t get my head around the fact that he says he lied to me out of respect for me!! If he had respect for me surely he would of waited to do all this til after I’d moved out?? Now all we do is argue!! If this continues then by the end of the lockdown we’ll hate each other even more!! My best friend can’t wait to move on!! What does this say about our 12 years together?? Either we are arguing or him & my daughter are arguing!! She needs us both more than ever now!!
Sorry it’s so long. Please help!!8 April 2020 at 5:40 am #38766
Im in the same situation. Split up a day into lockdown after over a year of arguments as I had discovered he was lying about money and debts and some evidence to suggest he was having an affair, as well as discovering he has a gambling addiction that I never knew about. Now two weeks into lockdown, just yesterday i finally have solid evidence he had an affair and is still with this woman after seeing messages he sent to her.
We were together 13 years and have a baby. I cant cope. The betrayal gets me the most. Now I know hes cheated I hate him even more and yet I have no money to move out even when lockdown ends. I have no one to talk to about all of this.
Also how to deal with your ex seeing your kids and even his new partner seeing my kid ? The thought it driving me up the wall8 April 2020 at 8:23 am #38767
I’m sorry your going through a similar situation. It’s hard to get your head around these things especially in lockdown because usually when couples separate one of them leaves the family home. How old is your baby? I’m here if you need to talk. Not sure I can help but always good to be able to talk to someone in a similar situation to you. I feel like I’m going crazy!!8 April 2020 at 9:28 am #38768
I lived with my ex for 9 months while I bought a house for me and my 7 year old to move in too. It was rough, but we both agreed from day one that we would put our personal feelings to one side and put our daughter’s needs first.8 April 2020 at 10:01 am #38769
We did agree on that to start with but it’s so hard when I get lied to & can’t stop arguing. Can’t stay out of each other’s way because of my daughter. We really need to be there for her but with everything we are going through it makes that 10 times harder.8 April 2020 at 10:12 am #38770
It sucks that he’s chatting to other women already, but that’s his right as you aren’t together anymore. Just tell him to keep it away from you and your daughter. Unfortunately you have to keep up the ‘happy families’ routine for her still. Best of luck.8 April 2020 at 10:16 am #38771
I understand that & I do want him to be happy & move on. I just don’t see why he had to do it so soon & before we’ve moved out. And the lies all the time!! I have asked him to stop rubbing our noses in it & keep it to himself. Thanks. Safe safe in this crazy world