Separated a week…

[sarastevens1975]

Hi there

My husband and I separated a week ago, and will divorce.  We’ve been together 20 years and married for 15.  I instigated it after years of infidelity (his part) and what I now see as emotional abuse.  I feel good one day and so lonely the next.

I have 2 children aged 11 and 14 and am struggling with coping, especially in lockdown.  Although I know ultimately I will be happier, it all hurts so much.  I can’t sleep or eat very well.

Anyone else feeling this way?

[Valentine]

Hi Sara.

I have my good days and my bad days too, today was a bad one, hence why I’m here. I can’t sleep, lots of thoughts, at least when I write or read, I’m not thinking about anything else just about what I write or read.
Whenever I’m down, I’m trying to do things I enjoy, with this virus going on we are quite limited in options.
I’ve been reading a lot lately, most of them were motivational books, it did help a lot.
I also listen to music, it always helped me.
Netflix, I transported myself in some of the films, it gave me strength and self confidence.
I started journaling as well, that helped massively. When I start writing down, I cannot stop, it’s a good way to take things of your chest.
If you need to talk, you can message me.

[Jon2020]

Hi, I am in a very similar position,  separating now after 20 years and 3 children,  I an distraught,  can’t sleep or eat and feel like I’m losing my mind.  I  would really like to chat to someone as I am struggling and just feel I need to share. Anyone want to private message?

[Precious2]

Hello all, I have just joined the group.

I was with my husband for 15 years and have 2 children. We divorced and I then met the man I have shared my life and 2 x children with. He has left me after almost 4 years together and never committing and now deciding he wants children. Heartbroken and he has ghosted me for weeks. This is the second time I have been heartbroken and trying to pick myself back up. My children have kept me going and I dont want to feel so sad anymore.

Please message me if you need a friend and someone to listen. x

 

[Gummibear123]

Hi,

Wondering how you are.I’ve been solo for 9 years now but I remember the beginning like it was yesterday.It was a total shock and I thought I wld Never recover from the guilt I felt for my kids.It’s horrible.Hope your feeling okay-ish-kind-of-type-of-thing today.

[Mummy_to_3]

Hey, I can totally relate. My partner has been in and out of the relationship since Mid November yet agreed just before Christmas he wanted to make it work. He was back a week and then told our children he was moving out permanently.  This is the first time he has told them so I guess this time that’s it……I am a stay at home mum and have no idea how I will financially manage let alone the feelings. I want to beg him to come home but know he won’t. Then I swing to screw him I’m better off etc and then back to missing him so much……and now we are back into full lockdown without the tag team or support. I cant face seeing anyone so dont want to form a support bubble right now.  So far I’m just taking each moment as it comes and hoping that at some point things will be clearer.

Reading that I’m not alone in these feelings has helped alot so thank you for posting!

[steve3334]

yes it can be tough. seems like the emotions come in waves, like a storm. used to feel it heavily every time i woke up. atleast those that have kids living with them won’t feel so lonely. it gets better over time. need to focus on rebuilding your life and trying to stay positive.

[Gummibear123]

I’ve always looked at it from the other side and thought that people who don’t have their kids with them are so free to accomplish whatever they want and start again.It sometimes feels so stifling lately as were nearly always around each other here & I just pine for a week all by myself..I guess we all can only live our own experience & learn from each other.For the moment an hour locked in the bathroom will have to suffice🙄

[steve3334]

guess it depends on the individuals. there’s some who can not bear to go a few days without seeing kids. then there’s others who sever all ties and vanish.

[Gummibear123]

Not really my biz bc i’m not in that situation & I’m not judging- just wondering about ppl on here who have no contact with their kids…I have no idea of the legalities but if there’s no restraining order,what happened to letter writing,sending appropriate gifts etc so at least they know ur thinking of them,if they’re old enough surely eventually they’ll get the msg? Obv it’s nothing like being with them but I would feel better knowing I’m doing whatever I can to change the situation in my favour.But that’s just my opinion.

[sarastevens1975]

Thank you so much for all your replies, so happy to know I’m not alone.  This week was better, and I’m still glad I instigated the separation.  My emotions are still a rollercoaster, but at least I can sleep again and read a book which I couldn’t even do!

 

[steve3334]

i find youtube videos on separation to be very helpful. look up stephanie lynn. lot of good coaching videos out there.

about managing emotions to dealing with ex etc

• This reply was modified 3 months ago by steve3334.

[Ally39]

My husband left me in September after 17 years married and 2o togeather, got 3 amazing kids but still have periods where I struggle and my emotions are everywhere

[Gummibear123]

Like us all 😭😉🙄😖😆😥🤔😑😉

Having amazing kids is lovely and I’m sure you’re grateful,but a marriage/ long term relationship falling apart hurts like nothing else.Know you’re in good company.

[Ally39]

Thanks it’s good to know I am in good company , its sure does hurt, but glad I have found a place where others understand

[Author]

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