Separated 10 out of 12 months from son

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  • #63521 Report


    To anyone reading,

    I hope there’s at least one person in my situation. My custody order consists of me only being able to raise my son during his summer breaks from school which is 2 months out of the year. The other 10 months I literally have to talk to him via Skype and once a week if I’m lucky. No birthdays rarely holidays..Unfortunately the custody order can’t change because his mother (my ex wife) lives across the country therefore I can’t simply pick him up on weekends like most separated parents. Plus he needs to be in school so I can’t take custody in any months besides his breaks from school which is just 2 summer months. I’m in the military so I can’t just up and move to where he is located.

    My son is 6 almost 7 on St. Patrick’s day and I’ve been doing virtual parenting since he was 3. Do you know how hard and painful it is to raise your son through a computer screen? To not be able to teach him basic things. To not support him. To not be able to do so many things.. When he does finally visit during the summer it’s bitter sweet because he’s there but I know it’s only short lived. I make the most of our time by chasing him around daily, playing his favorite video games, and trips. To him, I’m probably a great dad as he lights up with excitement anytime he’s with me. But for me deep down I’m always depressed and cry often. Even when he’s with me I see him while he’s sleeping and it makes me sad because my days with him are numbered. Days leading up to him leaving for the summer I can barely look at him in the eyes without tearing up.

    When he’s away, It’s even hard to look at his pictures because I immediately tear up. I don’t know how to cope with this. It’s been years and I still feel the same way since day day one when he left at 3 and here we are years later.. I stay strong for him but I personally have nobody to talk to. Even the divorced people I know are within distance of having their children every other weekend or so. My case is the most extreme I know of.. so no one can ever relate. I’m just alone and bottle so much emotion inside. I’ve tried therapy but I still feel empty without having someone who has an equivalent situation to mine. If you’ve read this far.. thank you for reading my story ❤️

    -Dre (the Skype dad)

    #63544 Report

    Andrew uk

    I’m sorry to hear about your situation. If you want to message me please do. I am a dad of 2 who moved-out in June 2020 and I haven’t seen them since April. I have no advice, sorry, apart from to just be strong. Is it possible to arrange a period of leave each year or whenever so you can spend a decent period of time with him?

    #63545 Report

    Andrew uk

    If you have Parental Responsibility then can you not go to court so you can get more contact time? It seems unfair that you see him for 2 months.

    #63562 Report


    Hi – it sounds like the physical distance from your son is causing a lot of pain for you. My 4y daughters father is also military. We moved several Times pre children due to postings and also in her early years.

    I am not religious, however I can tell you I have found incredible support from one of the military padres  . They understand ‘the system’ and they also understand what support might be available within the military

    I think education of military children is very tricky. My daughter is 4 and has had 3 nurseries and I’m hoping I can keep her in the same

    school for the whole reception year now she has started.

    It sounds like your sons other parent has been able to establish a base. Is there post close to

    their location you can aim

    for? Is there somewhere closer you could move to in the middle and live in barracks and commute?
    I’m wondering what changes you can make to be closer to your son while balancing your career?

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