Selfish ex during pandemic – advice needed please.

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  • #39115 Report


    Hello. Bit long winded so please bare with me.

    I’m asthmatic and have been allowing my son to still go to this Dad’s as per our normal agreement of every other weekend as he is now working from home and it will only be him and my son at his home. I have found out this week that he’s been back and forth to his ex girlfriends and even stayed there for a few days. I have said he could still have our son provided he took him back to his house and it was only the 2 of them. He is now refusing this and saying he will have his girlfriend and her daughter with them, and will keep our son for longer than our normal arrangements. I have now refused him access due to me being high risk with my asthma (not been contacted to shield as of yet) and obviously to keep my son safe so he’s not exposed to too many people.

    Unfortunately my ex is incredibly aggressive and intimidating and I’ve had to contact the police on 4 occasions for domestic abuse (not physical, all verbal and psychological), and they came out to my home yesterday to speak to me and make sure me and my son were safe. I have now told my ex I have a phone meeting with my solicitor on Monday to get contact arrangements in place for whilst the pandemic is going on, and for after as I am no longer willing to put up with the verbal abuse. My son will have access to my phone if he wishes to call his Dad whilst this is put in place. I have now had a load of message accusing me of neglecting my son for years, that he apparently has proof of, and that he will be going for full custody and calling social services. This was never about stopping g my son from seeing his Dad in the long run, but more about keeping him safe during the pandemic, and then keeping certain arrangements in place in the long term so I don’t have to deal with his abusive ways anymore and all contact will be through a mediator or solicitor to keep me safe.

    My poor son unfortunately has heard the arguments that have gone on, and this isn’t fair on him, so this is for his benefit in the long term as well. Has anyone been in a similar situation with an ex accusing you of neglect etc? I have nothing to hide and am happy for social services to come and visit me and my son if he does call them. My little boy is very loved and looked after in my home.

    My ex has now turned this into something else, a battle for our son, whilst all I wanted to do was put things in place to keep him safe, and my mental health safe from his abusive ways. This is the first time in my sons 8 years of life I’ve said he can’t go, and that’s purely down to the pandemic. I’ve never before denied access, despite what I’ve had to put up with and been through.

    Has anyone ever been in a similar situation with a difficult ex? Any advice for a desperate mother. Life is stressful enough atm with the pandemic, and now this has added to it.

    #39129 Report



    I am one of the moderators. Sorry, we seem to be having some technical problems with posting.

    You could call the Women’s Aid helpline on 0808 2000 247 or also the Gingerbread helpline on 0808 802 0925 – next open on Monday at 10am. Or take a look at <span style=”color: #c15313; border: none windowtext 1.0pt; mso-border-alt: none windowtext 0cm; padding: 0cm;”></span&gt;<span style=”color: #1a1919; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt;”>  </span>

    very best wishes


    #39131 Report


    It’s such a shame when the other party becomes pathetic and starts to hurl threats that have no basis in reality. The truth of the matter is that he is trying to intimidate you into giving him his own way and when that does not work he will try to find another way. It’s good that you have already informed the police. I would keep a record of every communication, time and date it. Keep a record of all the times you are offering him telephone contact as if it ends up in court you will have a record of being reasonable and of trying to keep father and son in contact. Children’s Social Care are not to be afraid of and can very easily tell when someone is being malicious and no court in the land will take a child away from his mother without exceptional reasons. So please don’t be afraid … don’t rise to his bait , keep your cool and all will be well. Stay Safe !

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