Securing full custody

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  • #13153 Report


    Hi, I’ve joined today so appreciate any support you can provide and I’d love to hear anyone’s experience securing custody in the below circumstances, I am a father of two young boys.

    I believe that for stability and quality of life the children they would be best placed with me full time. I would never restrict access with their mother but I know that as it stands the disruption and upset she causes is so damaging that I’d like to provide access on agreed terms. I fear everything below is just petty nonsense a judge will laugh at, even though I know the distress it causes the children is considerable.

    • I have the children over 80% of the time, do all school runs, swimming lessons, scouting activities and they sleep with me 17 out of 21 nights
    • My ex has openly breached our parenting plan on many occasions and now refers to it as ‘a bit of a guide’, her breaches have caused considerable distress to the children and continue to cause friction between myself and her
    • She had an affair with my brother which has now ended, I fear this might ‘come out’ due to her reputation
    • Her new partner is a neighbour and father to my youngest son’s best friend and husband to her (now no longer!) best friend
    • She has quit her solid job and has no replacement and is living in a home not suitable for her children with her new partner despite an opportunity to secure a suitable house during the divorce
    • She has declined any additional support for the children which I am now pursuing
    • She has previously been physical with both children but the abuse now is more emotional, causing distress, upset, anger and confusion at every meeting or handover
    • She turns the children against me saying deeply upsetting, untrue things about me
    • She lies about what she is doing with the children, appoints unapproved babysitters, allows her new partner to mind them so she can socialise despite my full time availability to care for them

    Thanks everyone for any thoughts.

    #13154 Report



    Welcome to the group, sorry your experiencing these issues. How long have you had 80% custody for? It sounds like you need a written agreement of contact which can be arranged through court however with that comes costs. On the basis it’s affecting the children’s emotional wellbeing and there is inconsistent stability would be the grounds the court would look at, most of the other reasons would be thrown out because it only counts if it is affecting her ability to be a mother. You sound reasonable still wanting your children to have a relationship with their mother, which would work in your favour. Always try to make a written agreement before you go to court and use court as the last result. I don’t know if this has helped in anyway but best of luck. Always here to chat

    #13164 Report


    Hi Simone, thank you so much for getting back to me you raise a good point about the stability but also on the ability to be a mother I agree it’s weak on those terms. I don’t want to prevent access I just want some honesty and to work together but sadly it’s fallen to absolute pieces. I have had them 80% of the time for only 4 weeks but the plan is for that to continue after some disruption for summer holidays for at least a year, are there any specifics around president set and disruption to their lives on the basis of how long it can go on for?

    Thanks so much again.


    #13213 Report


    Hi Anonymous I just wanted to thank you very much for your feedback it’s pretty much what I figured I just wanted to make sure you understood my gratitude for you taking the time out to help me. In an ideal world we would work together for the best interests of the children but she is being erratic and unreasonable and is making it so hard to work with, I want them to have a relationship and a good one but it’s so hard in the circumstances. I’ve asked her so many times to put her hate aside and focus on the kids but she continues to punish me. Anyway, onwards and upwards and thanks for your help!


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