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  • #51302 Report



    I don’t know if any of you will be able to help me.

    My ex husband has parental responsibility of my youngest child. Not my eldest.

    We agreed when he left that no one apart from me, himself and the maternal grandmother would be the only ones to pick the kids up from school, we are on the list of people who can pick them up.

    Since separating a year and a half ago, he has got other people to pick the children up from school and added them to the list.

    It came to my attention that someone who shouldn’t be picking thos kids up, picked the children up from school last week and I was none of the wiser. I emailed the school stating this was a safeguarding issue. They got back to me and said that because he had parental responsibility of the youngest he could do what he like when he liked, including getting people I don’t know to pick the youngest up and including taking the youngest out of school permanently. They also said because I haven’t write stating thos does not apply to the oldest that he could do this with the oldest too.

    I don’t know where I stand anymore. I don’t even know he’s rights anymore, I thought I was clued up on this clearly I am not.

    I hope you can help me with this

    Many thanks

    #51306 Report



    As far as im aware the school should be only releasing a child to one of the named on their list ( i believe its 3). Im guessing that they are allowing others to be added to that list by mum or dad but could in theory end up with a list as long as your arm and yet no one is vetting these people. No way. Its time for a chat with the head methinks. If names can be added willynilly then it could end up with something crazy like 40 people on the list and its possible you wouldnt know these people from Adam. Talk to the school head (head only ,NOT reception). Talk with your ex. Can understand you being concerned and you need to find a way that addresses those concerns.

    #51308 Report


    I think that’s rubbish about him being able to do what hewants with your eldest.child.I think the school are just being arrogant and rude to you.

    #51310 Report


    Thanks you both for getting back to me. I have tried addressing this with the school but all I am getting is because he has parental responsibility of the youngst there isn’t anything they can do. They can only stop someone picking up the oldest if I put it in writing.

    I don’t feel as if the school have taken this seriously. And the ex isn’t even listening or taking my concerns in to account.

    Many thanks


    #51317 Report


    Im confused. He has parental responsibility for the youngest. You have parental responsibility too ?  Or just him? That makes a huge difference. If its you aswell and the child lives with you full time then the school have to take your concerns seriously. They will be neglecting their duty of care if they dont.

    #51630 Report



    We both have parental responsibility of the youngest. And both the children do live with me full time.

    The head keeps saying because the dad has the right to the youngest and because I haven’t wrote in to say anybody but him can pick them both up the rule apply to my oldest too.

    But surely this is wrong? That they should be sticking to the list as I have requested this several time?


    #51631 Report


    Absolutely they should be sticking to that list. People shouldnt be able to add just anyone they fancy to that list. Far be it for me to say but its time to sit down with  both your ex and the school to thrash this out once and for all. If your ex wont then its you and the school alone.You need your own peace of mind here otherwise Toms uncle, Johns brother who happens to be a friend of someone who was once a friend of someone who once knew Toms uncles mate will be allowed to pick them up. Nip it in the bud before it becomes a real issue and you dont know who the hells picked them up.

    #51741 Report



    If you and your ex-partner is co[arenting your younger son. Then u both have to decide who is allowed and who is not allowed to pick up the children.

    If your ex-partner can not pick your younger son up, why he does not communicate with you for u to pick him up?

    Why are some of the people who are picking up your youngest son, a safeguarding issue? Have they committed some kind of child abuse, mistreatment…

    If your school’s head is not helping, you can escalate your concerns to the school’s governors.

    You can get advice from the ‘Children’s social services to see if you can do something different, see your rights. Maybe even the ‘Citizen Advice Bureau’. Even this website under the section, information. childcare arrangement. You can ring the gingerbread helpline to speak to their professionals.

    If you have to write a letter, do it as soon as you can. Then the school is happy until you know if the school is right in their conduct, or if your ex-partner is not right in his behaviour.

    Co-parenting means your ex-partner need to be on talking terms, he can not control the childcare arrangements to suit himself.

    So enquiry your rights, for your younger and your elder son.

    Good luck, you need to take back the control, and your ex-partner needs to co-parent and communicate better with you.

    Thanks, Katherine,

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