School summer holidays struggle!
7 August 2019 at 5:54 pm #28926
I’m a widow with a 5 year old son and we’re in our 3rd week of school summer holidays – today I’m struggling. I hadn’t realised how much I valued seeing other mums/dads on the walk to school to talk to, or brief natters outside the school gates – to actually speak to an adult then a 5 year old 24/7. I even miss the school routine Due to my situation I had to give up my job as they couldn’t offer me a financially viable term time, school run friendly contract. I feel a real loss of that sense of belonging and connectedness with colleagues -although I dont miss the work stress😉 I guess I’m struggling today as I miss having some ‘me time’, I miss talking to adults, the challenge of work and sense of belonging it brings and I guess this just amplifies the loss of my husband more. I feel a bit lost today and find it hard to phone friends as they’re so busy with family life in the school holidays juggling kids, work and holidays and I also dont feel they fully understand it either. My son has been pushing my buttons all day too. Today it’s even the little things like not having someone to make me a cup of tea or say at the end of the day – ‘wow, today was a toughie!’
Thank you for listening.7 August 2019 at 6:31 pm #28927
Just to share with you I am a single mom (almost 90% of the time) of four kids (ages 6, 11, 12, and 16). Three young men and a 12 year old girl. I live in the US in Washington, D.C. I just joined this chat and group. Can I offer you this? Your brave to admit that you feel the loss of adult companionship, I have also admitted that to myself and when I feel that loss. I do what you did. You actually speak about it (sense of relief) and you “seek” out to fill that gap. Which is this online forum for single parents. What I can tell you as having been out of the “traditional workforce” for ten years is that you will find other ways to fill in the gap of the need for adult companionship. You may volunteer, you may start a mom’s group, you may pick up a part-time job , you might enhance the hobbies you already have. I think and know what you feel is totally normal. A “loss” is a loss, and we all process losses different. It could be a “loss” of a job, a “loss” of a sense of identity, a “loss” of a companion/husband/boyfriend/girlfriend/friend, the point is that’s normal and we all grieve differently. It’s ok. I would suggest that when these feelings come, do what you did “acknowledge” your feelings, and then visualize how you want to fill the loss. Oh, and one thing I have always done as a single-mom and I always suggest it for any woman is….. create your “me time” by ANY MEANS NECCESSARY. It could be getting up an hour earlier than your son and having tea, coffee, juice and just smelling the freshness of the day. Me time could mean painting your nails (uninterrupted ) or going to get your nails done. It could mean “turning off your phone” and just watching a show you enjoy. It could mean doing whatever makes you happy in that moment…but it’s for YOU. Plus, friends desire “check-ins” because we can relate to other “mom struggles” even if they are married friends. My kids have known from an early age that if I close my door to my room (unless it is an emergency do not interrupt me…or I will ignore their knocks)….I explained and keep re-explaining that ” I am human and everyone including them deserves time alone and I’m not asking them…I take it”….. This isn’t a T.V show so they roll their eyes everytime I go into my speech ( lol). You are brave!7 August 2019 at 6:46 pm #28928
Thank you for your time, advice and suggestions Jumuah – its helpful to have these feelings normalised too. Wow, you are amazing – 4 kids!7 August 2019 at 11:30 pm #28943
I was just scrolling through tonight’s post and I found yours. I’m sorry for your loss, it must be a very hard time for you and your son.
I am a single parent too, different circumstances but I have a 2.5 year olf and a 1 year old and their father was abusive and controlling, so I have left Germany and moved back to the UK to start fresh. He occasionally visits, maybe once every 3 months at the most and is very difficult when we do see him. I am finding the school holidays tough too. My eldest son goes to nursery, so I get 15 hours of time with my youngest where he sometimes naps and I can rest or just get a break too. I am feeling quite lonely and also angry about my situation, which is why I decided to join this group and find a meet up, so I can meet other single parents. I haven’t met any since I moved back a year ago! Nobody seems to really understand quite how tough it is.
The advice above is amazing, I got a lot from that myself.
Sending love and strength and wishing you all the best,