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  • #55653 Report


    I have a situation that I’m not sure how best to tackle.

    My daughter who is 12 has decided long ago that she is a lesbian. Before that she identified as bisexual. I don’t know about you but at 11, when she felt the need to come out, I didn’t know my arse from my elbow.

    I just think that she is being forced to identify as something/anything because she’s being forced to participate in lessons at school beyond her years.

    She lives in a very liberal family where anything goes and sexual orientation is a given rather than a thing, and I’m really uncomfortable with school hilighting deviance from the ‘norm’ and forcing kids to question the ‘norm’ when they didn’t question it in the first place.

    I feel the birds and the bees should be left to me as a parent, and my daughter would benefit more from extra English and maths from her teachers.

    Her focus is off learning academic subjects because school ( I feel) has put so much emphasis on the need for her to identify to herself what her sexual orientation is.

    She can be gay, straight, bi, swing off chandeliers with whatever gender she fancies when she’s older as long as she can leave school with the motivation and skills to succeed in life.

    I think she can spend the rest of her life choosing who she wants to shag but she’ll only get one chance at an education.

    #55655 Report


    I nearly agree with you but the education thing isn’t really true.

    Why do you say she will only get one chance at an education?

    You can learn almost everything online nowadays -as anyone who has survived the covid era with kids at home will tell you.You can really learn anything anywhere nowadays.

    So that leaves us with the bigger question: What Then is the point of school (aside from the obvious one of keeping kids out there parents hair)? I think the social side is more important than anything else nowadays for a zillion reasons.But the down side as you have experienced is that the focus is put on all the wrong things too often.

    #55657 Report


    Perhaps I just need to chill out a bit. I just wondered if I was alone in thinking its all a bit much. Her lesson last week was on fgm. It’s something she should be aware of but I’m not sure she needs to be aware of it just yet. I just feel a bit undermined as a parent I suppose. I used to home Ed her so I know there’s other ways to learn but I guess it’s just the content of what she’s learning that’s bothering me. Maybe I’m just a control freak who thinks they can do better than a highly qualified, experienced teacher 😂

    #55659 Report


    Nah, totally not a control freak.

    School and education is entirely overrated.

    A large proportion of the most successful personalities we read about who have given the world some of the best inventions and innovations didn’t have much education.But the school your daughter attends does sound a bit…y’know.Inapropriate subject to give so much attention to at the tender age of 11 you’re completely correct.Simply messes up their heads and promotes nothing but confusion.

    #55693 Report


    Ummm. So, maybe the best way to tackle this is take a breather & not see it so much as a situation.

    sounds like your freaking out & jumping to conclusions a bit.

    You seem a bit shocked & confused, as you say you don’t know your ass from your elbow (Dw, we’ve all felt this with our kids)… and despite saying you are inclusive of all sexualities & genders … you think the school is responsible and this is too early. (12 is early, at the same time … nearly years ago when I was that age … I had my first understood same sex crush… so…. your daughter is not an alien.
    I’d still totally freak out if it was my kids at any age about anyone to be fair. So I’m not judging you.

    idk, I’m no expert & I don’t like to analyse folk… but I don’t think it’s fair to blame the school.
    firstly… kids missed so much school this year I doubt it’s been prioritised beyond a few pride inclusive events if we are lucky.
    second… sex education in school is generally abysmal. Lesbian sex education rarely goes beyond bland info about safe sex, glossing over the adversity of stigma faced, history, important figures & some sort of statement to say it’s not illegal anymore & folk potentially can have more equal lives. Depending on what book which school is reading from.

    your right in that you can probably do a better job. Maybe share some books or inspo about lesbian people throughout time/cultures. Doesn’t have to be homeschooling, as you say it should be taught at home.

    the school most definitely didn’t turn your kid lesbian… creating safer spaces for us LGBTQIA+ people doesn’t make us different faster… it just means it might make a difference to the enormous risk of discrimination, abuse & painfully high suicide tragedies or safer sex… hopefully.

    I don’t want to speak for your daughter… but given how much most kids tend to live online these, especially with the lock downs; it might be more likely she’s seen one of the big name inclusivity campaigns.
    Even the supermarkets & kids tv channels capitalise on pride stuff now.

    i totally hear what your saying about being worried about the kids eduction especially in these times… maybe a bit of math & English tutoring or a meeting with the teacher to discuss concerns could help?

    I get what you mean about wanting to be the one to teach your own kids about this stuff when you are ready.

    Since I had kids I tend to measure time in chaos.
    Waving more than one flag of the lgbtqia+ rainbow, I really hope having basic health awareness & acceptance for our kids in schools will leads to better health outcomes…

    as far as sex, intimate relationships are concerned, … I’m feel at a loss to describe or feel knowledgeable about a lot of stuff…I’m happy for the teacher to support this..  I’m terrified of the teenage years, knowing what to say when… it’s a lot. I don’t blame you for not feeling great a chunk of your kids identity developed without you, at the same time telling you so early is a big thing & something to be celebrated.

    I guess the time for you is now!
    maybe ask if she’d like you to help her understand anything or if she’d like to do anything with you to celebrate coming out to you.

    I wish I could of celebrated being part of the lgbtqia community with my parents. If it was treated as just another part of my natural being. A happy thing. Maybe things wouldn’t of been so tough & they would of missed some of the best times.

    love & luck to you x

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