Scared soon to be single mum

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  • #37898 Report

    MissFishfinger
    Participant

    Hello!

    This is my first forum post.

    I am 21 weeks pregnant with a little boy, which I am over the moon about. Although he wasn’t planned and came at a funny time in my life.

    Before becoming pregnant I had a very bad mental health breakdown and was diagnosed with DID. Due to this I am living back with my mum at 33 and pregnant.

    For reasons too long to explain in this post, I will not be involving the father so will not be receiving and maintenance and am currently on benefits myself for the first time in my life.

    Although excited I am also scared that I won’t be able to provide all I want to for my little boy until I can get back on my feet.

    Does anyone relate?

    #37904 Report

    JosiePanda08
    Participant

    Yup, I can certainly relate <3

    my ex left because I wouldn’t terminate – I couldn’t go through with a termination and I felt really conflicted with my feelings and emotions throughout pregnancy. initially I referred to bump as a parasite, I resented “the parasite” for being the reason my relationship ended. I desperately wanted to be a mum but it was all so messed up in my head.
    I was signed off work for 6 weeks due to a breakdown. I really worried about logistics and practicalities. My career was on a great path. Although I had quite a lot of debt that I’d started responsibly managing a few months prior. I’ve had to depend on my parents again which makes me feel like a delinquent teenager (I’m 35) and I’m genuinely concerned about logistics of going back to work, what I’ll be able to afford vs childcare costs. I’ve recently applied for universal credit, really had to swallow my pride in doing that.
    In all honesty, I’m still struggling with feelings of being inadequate on my own for my child, guilt and sorrow for not being able to provide everything I want him to have and do, sadness that he’s missing out on a dad, already having to compromise on things I buy…I’m in therapy for all of this and it’s definitely helping. Biggest positive grounding is seeing just how happy he is all the time! He’s happiest when he’s wriggling around just in his nappy and his favourite thing to play with is a plastic cup I use to wash his hair lol they are simple little creatures and he’s certainly not missing out on anything because he is surrounded by love!
    Things just manage to come together. So yes, it’ll be hard, yes it’s perfectly normal to feel as though you’re not doing or giving enough to these little folk and yes it sounds like you’ve already been through the mill and it’s likely there’ll be more to come BUT it is do-able. And if you need help from your loved ones then that’ll only teach him how strong you are for asking for and accepting help x

    #37952 Report

    Travelgirl90
    Participant

    Hey, ive just joined

     

    God I feel your pain,

    Im 24weeks pregnant with a little boy and the dad upped and left me 5weeks ago without a real explanation he would dissapear a lot throughout the relationship.

     

    Im so down this isnt how i saw it and wanted a family. Having no closire doesnt help.

    Gotta keep going for our babies.

     

     

    #38131 Report

    MissFishfinger
    Participant

    Thank you so much to you both for replying!

    It helps doesn’t it. We can’t fix each others problems but we can ‘listen’.

    JosiePanda08. I really feel your pain, I’m very happy you didn’t terminate because of him. And I can only imagine how complicated your feelings around that are or have been (isn’t therapy a wonder!!). One part I feel lucky in is that I had no emotional attachment to my child’s dad. Although i’m struggling with the fact that i’m currently living with my abuser. Which is hard when the person you look to support you is also the one that has made your life so hard. I’m happy you walked away from a situation that just may have caused you and your child a lot more pain. And let’s be honest, scientifically they are parasites eh! But lovely ones! And yes, things have a way of working themselves out and I must not compare myself to all my rich friends in seemingly perfect relationships! Your message meant a lot to me!

    TanishaHouse1990. Hang in there. It sounds to be like you will be better without him! Kids need stability and it doesn’t sound like he can offer that. Although you must feel utterly heartbroken and let down. Know that you are not alone and many of us didn’t plan it this way. We will struggle more, but with the right support we will be ok! Stay strong and don’t beat yourself up! If only I could listen to my own advice.

     

     

     

    #38173 Report

    Travelgirl90
    Participant

    Thankyou, yes definitely listen to ur own advise because deep down its what you should follow, here if u ever need a chat. Isolation makes it ten times harder.

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