Scared Dad – 19 month old son
11 November 2017 at 1:01 pm #5636
Hi everyone. Im new here andwas just hoping to get things off my chest to people who might be able to relate.
Me and my girlfriend of 7 years have a little boy who is 19 months old.
Our relationship as been very rocky since the start in all honesty but we always got back together. Now with the added pressure of a young son and little to no money, we are at breaking point.
She lives in our house with my son while i sleep at friends houses. Im not sure what way things are going to go but these are some of my main concerns (please feel free to advise/help/guide)
1. If we do breakup, the pain of seeing another man teaching my boy how to do things kills me! (Even stuff like how to use a toilet or how to catch a fish!)
2. The thought of regret years down the line when she has a new partner and they have kids. My son would never have a “FULL” sibling. I would blame myself.
3. Trusting another man with my son. How do i know he wont harm him? How do i know if he would put his life at risk to protect my son?
4. My son looking up to his “second daddy” would destroy me. I feel i should be the only man he sees as his hero. Call it jealousy but i would find it extremely hard to see another man bonding with my son (As good as some step dads are, it would rip me apart)
Can anybody help a lost soul with the above? I just dont know what to do.
Thanks all.11 November 2017 at 1:20 pm #5637
Hello scoed daddy. It’ ok to feel scared as you feel you are losing grip on the most precious person in your life. From what youve written its clrar you love and want to in your sons life. That’ very refreshing to read.
You just need to try and keep your focus on your son. Whether you stay or beak up with his mom.
Always stay close. Arrange consistent visits or time away with your son. Speak to him on the phone. Even if he isn’ talking ask to speak to him. Let him learn your voice over the phone. Ensure you keep regular call that he looks forward to and don’ miss on it. if you do apologise to him.
Another man in his his life doesn’ mean he’ lost you. Be present and gel never forget you.
A good dad is the best a child can have and cannot be replaced in his heart.
If mum doesn’ cooperate don’ make it a big fight and battle. Get legal help and Guidance so you can have controlled visits and everything remain as positive as can be.
I wish you only the best in your son to have the best outcome for you and your family and ultimately you and your son.
I think Gingerbread help with guidance on these matters too. sorry post so long.😊 Don’ be scared think smart.14 November 2017 at 10:25 pm #5696
My daughter has two “dads” who both love her, care for her, and would do anything to protect and cherish her.
I am probably on better terms with her “new” dad than I am with her mother. remember that the only thing that counts is how your child sees you, if they see a dad who loves them and cares for them that will make them happy and love you more, if they see a dad who is stroppy and whiney and doesn’t stand up as a dad they will have no respect for you.
A step parent cannot take away what you are not prepared to give up. just make sure that the time you spend with your son is worthwhile and fulfilling. put the phone away and pay attention to him, don’t bad mouth his mother or partner, spend half as much money and twice as much time and you will be fine.
finally, when you meet a new partner, watch closely how they act with your son, the quickest way to lose him will be to rush into a relationship with a new partner who cant or wont bond and treat him like her own. regardless of how you feel your son must be the most important factor in everything.