Rock Bottom

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  • #31787 Report


    Ive been separated for 10 months and recently found out that my wife has a new partner,  this has crushed me as I had always hoped for reconciliation. I’m 46, she is 38 and he is 33 and I feel bad about that also for obvious reasons.  She has filed separation papers on me.

    Several other very serious but unrelated  things have also happened in the last few weeks that on their own would have been hard to deal with.   I feel unable to cope. I have been breaking down uncontrollably and can’t see a way out of my situation.  I have 3 beautiful children and I couldn’t see them yesterday as I was in such a state and I didn’t want them to see me like it.  They are with my Mum tonight. I feel that my life has collapsed around me and I have lost everything.

    I’m sure many of you have been here or worse, I would love to hear from or meet up with people who have been here and got through it somehow so I can hear their advice or from people who are also in my situation who want to talk and maybe meet for mutual support.


    #31790 Report


    Jim, I am in the same boat mate, in the last 16 weeks I have been made redundent, had my wife of 22 years ask for a divorce, been told the kids are going with her and the dog and yesterday she put the family home on the market.

    I feel your pain, my ex keeps telling me their is nobody else involved but she is moving very quickly with all this. I have been crying myself to sleep over it all, bursting into tears at the silliest things.

    A few weeks ago I was in a dark place and you don’t want to go their believe me, my 16 year old daughter pulled me round.

    The only advice I can give you is take each hour as it comes, deal with what’s in front of you and look at a good thing thats happened to you and concentrate on that

    #31796 Report


    Things will get better.

    Its ok to have days where you feel helpless… but you have three children so you know you have crack on for their sake.

    I have times when it all seems too much. Take each day as it comes and keep yourself busy.

    I hope it all works out for you

    #31802 Report


    It’s great that you have help from your mum. Don’t feel bad about asking her for help when you need it. Of course you will be in bits from time to time; that’s entirely expected. It takes time to deal with blows like this.

    A useful tactic for me was to discipline my thoughts about my ex and his new partner. If I ever caught myself imagining their conversations, feelings, what they were doing, I would stop myself and think about something else. I also stopped myself rehearsing imaginary conversations with him. Both of those made me feel so much worse and didn’t help the situation in any practical way. It made such a difference just to stop bloody thinking about them, stop going over everything again and again and again… there’s no point.

    It has also been helpful to give my child lots of love and attention so that our relationship is strengthened and we share our feelings for each other more overtly. There is bottomless unconditional love for you there, if you let them feel free to express it, and that will make you feel much better and stronger.



    #31821 Report

    Hi Jim123

    I’m Justine, one of the moderators here.  Please look out for a private message from me as I’ll be sending you some signposting options.

    Kind regards, Justine

    #31909 Report


    Some good advice there, I’ve been in a similar place mentally, although not with the children but with a relationship and my mental health deteriorated. Don’t feel shy or sit back when asking for help-a trip to the doctors to get support I would always recommend – I did and taking medication was the best thing for me, it gave me the crutch and boost I needed to get me to where I am now 😊 which is a single mum, pregnant again after another disastrous relationship…. 😂 BUT I have built my resilience and discovered mindfulness, and now spend time on ME when not with the kids, taking good from the bad (actually it’s a good rest and allows me to focus more on the kids when I’m not working and we have our weekends together). There is light at the end of the tunnel, you can do this-talking really does help. Not dwelling on the past (which slips into my mind a lot, although I need to sort that out), but looking forwards to a positive future where you will meet someone who deserves you.

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