Residence order

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  • #46785 Report



    I wondered if anyone has any knowledge on the following

    My husband and I have split. He has threatened, repeatedly, to take our son and not bring him back. He has been verbally and mentally abusive towards my older children (not his) and me for years but I havnt reported it to the police.  The police have attended my address on 2 occasions where the neighbours have called them out of concern for my children and I.  I want to get a residence order but not sure if I will be granted one as I’ve never pressed charges for his behaviour. Can anyone give me some advice please?

    #46788 Report


    I am glad you not reported it to police as that makes matters worse. However you should now apply to attempt mediation with your ex to see if u can sort out contact arrangements. It is possible he may not engage in conversations and then mediator can sign it off and u can fill out signed c100 to family courts.

    After that its highly likely you will end up with an order with child lives with mum and spends time with dad eventually. There is a process like safeguarding checks, it will help massively if u arent preventing contact and offering some form of contact . this will bode well for getting what u want in long run as you are coming across as reasonable.

    #46789 Report


    Oh and you will get residency and would like to add if behaviors got violent etc with evidence this would seriously implicate things.

    Most dads agree to residency with mum if they are offered good contact in return

    #46802 Report


    If he is being threatening you SHOULD report it to the police, even if you choose not to take action they will have a record of the abuse.

    You need to get a child arrangement order in place, you should go through mediation first but in cases of domestic abuse this won’t be necessary (whether he has been charged or not) and it can go straight to court. A cafcass officer will help you to come to an agreement, and you don’t have to sit down with him i had separate rooms when i attended court.

    My ex was/is abuse to me and my older children who are not his and i have logged all the problems with the police including him following my kids and driving his car at me.  He threatened to take the children i have with him away from me so I took him to court for the child arrangement order which made me the primary carer and his access was outlined he was also told he wasn’t allowed to call or message me unless it was an emergency and he wasn’t allowed to my house (drop offs are done in a supermarket carpark).   I am also considering a non molestation order due to his ongoing harassment, it’s been over 5 years since i left and he just won’t leave me alone.

    Don’t suffer in silence you shouldn’t have to put up with his behaviour, it has taken me many years to realise i don’t have to put up with constant threats and deserve to get on with my life without being afraid.

    #46905 Report


    You can get a Prohibited Steps Order (stop him taking the children without consent and if he does or if he doesn’t return them he will be immediately arrested) and fill in with the C100 (allegations of abuse) to support it. You can also apply for a Non-Molestation Order (injunction) which will prevent him intimidating you and encouraging others to intimidate you.

    Both of these can be applied as urgent without hearing, meaning he will have the orders stamped on him without a court hearing or giving notice (basically he’ll be “served”)


    if you are on any benefits at all you can have a HWF code (help with fees) which will mean you won’t pay. The non-mol and pro-steps are £250 each and can find the paperwork online.

    #46929 Report

    Hi there

    Thanks for the comments on this post.  Please remember that rules around benefits and charges change frequently so what may have been the case for one parent does not automatically mean its the case for another.  We recommend strongly that parents seek advice from those who have received up to date  training.   Our helpline will be able to help you to explore your options or direct you to the relevant agency.

    • Gingerbread Single Parent Helpline – Freephone 0808 802 0925

    Opening hours:  Mon 10 – 6, Tues 10- 4, Wed 10 – 1 & 5 – 7, Thurs 10 – 4, Fri 10 – 4  They can be busy so callers can expect to wait up to 20 minutes before the call is answered.

    Please make yourselves familiar with our guidelines on advice giving on the forum.

    Kind regards, Justine


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