Reporting domestic, financial and emothinal abuse

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  • #44682 Report

    Crafty Mum
    Participant

    Hi, Has anyone successfully reported to the police Financial and emotional abuse?

    Has anyone applied for legal aid on the grounds of financial abuse? and been successful?

    #44694 Report

    picklepie24
    Participant

    I called the police and reported my then husband, but unfortunately it was just before the new law concerning this came in so he arrested for assaulting me, he wasn’t charged as I knew he wouldn’t be as it was my word against his,  the police just wanted to get him out of the house and away from me so i could move out.

    I didn’t qualify for legal aid even with a history of abuse I was £50 over the threshold to get it because they took my tax credits into account but not the £900 a month I was paying out in childcare which wiped them out almost entirely.

    #44716 Report

    BecksandB
    Participant

    Hi Crafty- yes know lots about this and can help! What’s he done to tip you over the edge in the criminal reporting direction if you don’t mind my asking?

    Have you been to any family court proceedings?

    Becks

     

    #44753 Report

    Crafty Mum
    Participant

    Hi Becks

    It’s been an ongoing issue for years. I’ve had no child maintenance now through CMS since April 2018. I got it included in the divorce proceedings in July 2018 but it was only valid for 12 months. This is because he is self employed and gets paid via disguised remuneration in the form of a loan. Which he declared in divorce. But as far as CMS is concerned it’s not reported to HMRC so his figure keeps coming out as NIL. I took him to appeal but that took over a year, and at that point what he was doing still wasn’t illegal, but it is now. CMS says report him to HMRC for fraud. Sept 19 he said if I withdrew from CMS he would draw up a proposal, but that I would have to agree to his terms prior to this even happening. I did withdraw from CMS but then he just requested that I draw up an itemised list of the 3 childrens outgoings as part of his terms. And that if the children needed anything then I should put in a request and that it would be at his discretion. Which I refused to do. So we were at stalemate. So, then in May 20 I decided to go back to CMS as I was on 80% Furlough, and though after another year he would have registered higher earnings. But no, with this kind of loan it has become apparent that they are set up in such a way that they never get repaid.

    In Feb 19 he took me to court because I took the children out of school in January on holiday for 1 week as their xmas present. And he didn’t give his consent. This was the first time they had ever had term time holiday. (ages 16, 14, 10 at the time, so no exams that year). As part of that court he wanted to take the passports off me and change existing long standing childcare arrangements. But withdrew after the 1st hearing with no reason provided to me.

    I have now just moved my youngest from secondary school some 19 miles away to my local one, walking distance, as I have observed how it effects them and their social groups/friends being so far away, as well as impacting on afterschool clubs, appointments, sickness and potentially missing the school bus etc, as I’m not in receipt of child maintenance this impacted on me too. So given that how any conversation with Ex just makes me upset, frustrated and angry, because he doesn’t see their day to day living costs as something he should be supporting whilst they are with me, and that he just says he is complying with the law and the ruling made by CMS, that the appeal court also upheld, I didn’t tell him before moving our child.

    His usual stock answer to everthing I question is “if you don’t like it then they can come and live with me”. He also says he will pay for clubs but expects me to take them. I’m fed up on these constant threats, he even called me a gold digger when I asked for money for a new school blazer, it’s all about power and control, and everyone just seems to palm you off onto someone else, CMS, HMRC etc. And because there was no court order in place to say who exactly they live with, I worry every time they go that they won’t come back which leaves me anxious. And the onus will be on me to take him to court, whilst having to represent myself is difficult and stressful, but I can’t afford expensive solicitors like he does.

    So guess what he has taken me to court again. We have to go for a full days hearing at some point after CAFCASS have interviewed our child and got reports from both schools. And he has now applied to the CMS for me to contribute to our oldest son, 18 and still in full time education, that has decided to live with him, coz he lives in a big city where his school is and all his friends are.

    So he is hiding his income, he had double standards when it comes to our children, and spending, he is controlling the family budget. He refuses to contribute to this family income whilst they are with me, leaves me feeling trapped and isolated, that I’m then inadequate and worthless. He acts like he is always right that what I say has no relevance. He doesn’t even believe that our child was aware that he was moving school, and that he was fully on board with it. It has led me to lack of sleep and is now interfering with my job, as I just had to take time out to try to deal with all this.

    I felt so bad that i really didn’t want to exist anymore. The criteria to get legal aid seems like another impossible challenge.

    Sorry it’s so long winded.

    M

     

    #44764 Report

    Hi Crafty Mum

    Thank you for posting on our forum.  Please keep an eye out for a private message as I will be sending you some signposting options.

    Kind regards, Justine

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