12 October 2020 at 2:17 pm #44752
I’m looking to relocate 45 minutes from my ex. It would mean an additional 35 minutes drive for them. I do not want to stop or inhibit contact, as much as we don’t get on I know it’s in our children best interest and my ex is a decent parent who loves our 3 children as much as I do.
The move gives our children financial stability, a happier home, more time with me, no need for childcare and a social life they currently do not have, They will also see their extended family more, something rare at the moment. All 3 children wish to move, they have chosen the schools they like and I’ve made sure to go through how tough it can be to move schools, but they are in agreement they feel happier in the new house (my partners).
Currently we live near my ex and their family, I have no support in place and as the only parent working when I have the children it’s really tough. The children complain about being in childcare before and after school, and I just make ends meet despite having a really good job. Moving means I can work in line with the rest of the company meaning I will collect from school every day so the youngest get to go to the park with friends, have friends over ect.
The other parent has the children around their shift pattern, this is through a CAO that states 65-35 parenting in my favour. This means we never have set days, but looking at the whole year would mean they would have 5 days where they had to travel with the children. I would be responsible for dropping them off and collecting on the last day, as that seems fair given I am the one relocating. I’ve also offered to financially compensate my ex for their increased travel, with extra to account for wear and tear (roughly an additional £80 pcm on top of fuel costs) as I want the children to have 2 financially stable homes.
My ex dearly loves the children, however when it comes to things such as medical care, dentists, homework, school meetings, assemblies ect they do not part take. That’s OK, as they have different parenting strengths and provide the children with a greater involvement from their extended family, they also encourage the children in other ways such as sports.
My ex refuses to allow this and we are going to court. There was DV in the relationship towards me, however I’ve always been firm that they pose no risk to the children. we have been to court before for our CAO, during which ex suddenly developed lots of concerns about my parenting and character, I was cleared through a section 7 report. I am conscious ex will do this again.
Ex is instead asking court for a residence order that prevents me from moving, ex is also insisting we now go to shared custody so we don’t have to deal with future issues with me as the ‘resident’ parent, and that we no longer have to have involvement from CMS (due to exes non-payment) as no CM will be owed (including the debts ex is supposed to repay).
I just want to move on with my life and provide the best life possible for our children, although ex will have the travel times to factor in, ex will still have the children on the days ex requested. I’ve also highlighted to ex he could have some additional time during school holidays if ex felt the travel time reduced contact.
Can anyone tell me my chances of being successful? This is well thought out with housing sorted, my job sorted, contact arrangements un-interrupted and the children’s perspectives gained?They have told ex they would like to move, although ex has told them it’s their choice, but to remember if they chose this they are saying they want to see them (ex) less which upset the children.13 October 2020 at 2:19 pm #44773
Hopefully it won’t be long before another parent is able to share their experience with you but in the meantime you can always call our Single Parent Helpline. They will be able to help you to explore your options. Here are their details:
• Gingerbread Single Parent Helpline – Freephone 0808 802 0925
Opening hours: Mon 10 – 6, Tues 10- 4, Wed 10 – 1 & 5 – 7, Thurs 10 – 4, Fri 10 – 4 They can be busy so callers can expect to wait up to 20 minutes before the call is answered.
Hope that helps.
Kind regards, Justine