Relationship breakdown after 8.5 years. How will I manage?

Home Online forum Gingerbread Forum Relationship breakdown after 8.5 years. How will I manage?

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  • #64191 Report



    Im 49, daughter of 17, nearly 18, I don’t think my relationship is going to last much longer after 8 years.

    I cannot play second fiddle anymore to his narcissistic ex, I won’t bore you with all the details of their marriage and how she treated him, but she still has an influence over him. They have a nearly 17 year old daughter, who is turning into her mum, and a 10 year old son who I believe has autistic traits but everyone puts their heads in the sand.

    I’m worried I won’t be able to manage living alone. I have Fibromyalgia and other minor underlying problems affecting my health and mobility.

    I claim ESA and I do care work and cleaning, privately, but within my threshold, other than that, I have nothing.

    What is out there for me if I make the break?

    Im sorry if this is all over the place and there is a lot more to the situation but I just need to deal with facts.

    Thanking you all in advance for your support and advice.


    #64205 Report


    Hi scoobysue,

    I don’t really have much to offer in the way of advice but just know that your not alone. I am new here and it is a very worrying and confusing time for all. Do you have any family or friends that can help you manage? I know the future may seem bleak at the minute but I am certain that you are strong enough to get through. The fact that you have taken the first step and spoken out shows heaps of courage. I’m always here if you need to talk xx

    #64212 Report

    Scooby, I’d suggest getting proper advice.  I went to a solicitor as soon as I got my marching orders from my ex and it helped.  I’m not saying you should pay anyone, as it sounds like you just need to know what type of financial help and support may be out there for someone with the condition you have, but get that advice and guidance so it’s one less thing for you to doubt about any plans to move forward.    I say this as someone who is forever doing the opposite of what I advise.  I’m forever thinking ‘well, I don’t know that now and there’s no chance I can do it unless I find all that info out, but I just don’t have time’ and then I’m stuck in the same position.  Forever.  Almost literally.

    Sounds like there’s a lot of relationships that you’re also trying to manage, so perhaps see if you can get some guidance/counselling for how that’s affecting you.

    #64606 Report


    Hi ScoobySue72, Our advice team will be able to do a finance check to see what support you may be eligible for. We also have some web information you may find useful:

    Helpline – Gingerbread

    Webchat – Gingerbread

    Separating – Gingerbread


    #64613 Report

    *deleted user*

    Perhaps consider putting in an application for PIP to help your financial situation?

    It is tough I know but CAB might be able to do it for and with you?


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