Relationship break up

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  • #60156 Report

    Jemima2021
    Participant

    <span style=”color: #343a40; font-family: ‘Helvetica Neue’, Helvetica-, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; text-align: start; background-color: #d8e9d6;”>Hi all, im totally new to this, I have been in a 19 year relationship, he was my first boyfriend, we have kids. We were never married ( he did want to in later years, but i declined), the reasons I did was because he was so controlling in younger years, i couldn’t go out with friends, i was always been accused of cheating, and eyeing up fellas, I can whole hearted say i never did any of that, i worked took care of our child while he went playing pool and lots of other stuff with his friends, he didn’t work this was early 20s, when he asked me to marry him back then i was so excited (before that marriage wasnt important to me in general) i had planned things in my head, then one day he laughed at me and goes do u really think id ever marry you, it hurts till this day. so because of this i became a timed little mouse and walked about with my head down so i couldn’t be accused of anything, but I still was, he also told me around them years that when r child at the time(first born) was 18 he would leave me, i have always kept that in my head, however 6 years into are relationship he contacted his ex behind my back, and i use to find date site numbers in his wallet, he also took photo of his ex when we moved in together. So the years went on and i thought he grew up, you see he always thought that everyone was out to get him, so he started work few years back and the every1 out to get him left, it was such a weight off me, we got on i was like im glad i stuck it out, he has changed and im happy. However it only lasted couple of years till again everyone had a problem with him crept back in( it pulling a certain face at him), so he left his job,it has went to the stage that its nearly the whole town we live in has a problem with him( in his head), i would say to him all that people can’t be out to get you, so he d turn on me, call me nieve and stupid, so about 6 months ago he accused me of giving him this look in our house(i couldn’t even make the face if i tried), so then i thought this is all in his head, he also accused our oldest who is now 17, then one day i came in from work and he goes to me “did you enjoy him yesterday, you dirty tramp”. I was so angry, my young years flashed before me, im 38 now and i think differently and im not that little mouse, over the next 2 weeks he was through other things, we d make up, then another day he rang me and asked where a pair of underwear was and i say where they always are, he said no and accused me of taking them and been with someone else. I went home from work so angry, he had locked the bedroom door, i said i wanted in, i losted it, he made out he was afraid of me attacking him and that why he wouldn’t open the door, and said if i leave a minute he d lock himself in bathroom so i could go to bedroom. I walked in looked in my underwear drawer and they were just sitting there, he came out tried to say thats not them, and i still angry he tried to get me to hit him, i didn’t. I had losted alot of feeling now, and didnt want to be in this any more ( just to say here later on i found out he set me up and recorded all this on laptop). So we broke up a while after i asked him why he accused me and im still waiting on the answer. He got very drunk when we broke up, and the next day said it was killing him and all the sorrys, i forgive him, but was angry at myself. He told me alot after that he really loved me and wass obsessed with me. I had no tears when we broke up,it didn’t seem to bother me. Then he had an accident I was there 4 him, took time of work, even though all i got was grief. Over the past couple of weeks its been difficult between us, but he still tell me he was madly in love with me. Then last week he had a fight with me and told me i didn’t mean it to come out like that, i was going to break up with you on Monday (today), i thought this is just the usual. I asked him why monday and why break up, was there someone else, he said if there was and she had a hiuse he d be there. He said hes over this relationship and blamed me for having everyone give him these dirty looks ( including our daughter, who is now almost 18!) It broke my heart for him to think that of me, when its not true. I feel sick that its ended, and i dont no why, i think because he has made it final. I cant understand how he was madly in love with me 2 weeks ago ,to just be done with me. I guess im wondering have i been replaced…I know this is very long but i need to give an overall picture. If someone can see something I cant, i would be so greatfull.</span>

    #60157 Report

    Andrew uk
    Participant

    Hi Jemima. I’m so sorry things are difficult. If you want to chat let me know. I hope writing it down on here has helped a bit. Message me if you want.

    #60158 Report

    Andrew uk
    Participant

    My ex left with my 2 kids in June 2020. I haven’t seen them since April this year. It’s hard trying to work out where it went wrong, especially when I look back at all the happy times. It’s hard to move forward but every small step makes a difference.

    #60163 Report

    Jemima2021
    Participant

    Hi Andrew, thank you for responding, im sorry to hear about your break up and to lose the kids too. I guess in my heart of hearts  i knew time for the relationship was up, but the fact a couple of weeks ago he told me he was madly in love with me, and then just turns on me and breaks up is harsh, he could of just said i dont see this going anywhere anymore, and I would of been ok with that, thats what makes me think he has replaced me…how can u just be over someone that quickly, or did he ever love me? If you like to share your heartache, im a ear  to listen.

    #60165 Report

    Andrew uk
    Participant

    Maybe he doesn’t know what he wants either. It’s a difficult time for all concerned. You must feel all over the place atm. I’m struggling today too. Here to support.

    #60166 Report

    Andrew uk
    Participant

    If it’s okay to ask, are your kids okay? I mean they with you? I’m up early for work in the morning so I will chat tomorrow if you want.

    Small steps, one at a time. There is hope, I promise. Not right now but there is.

    #60183 Report

    JuneB
    Participant

    Hi Jemima. The situation you were in for so long sounds unstable and devastating for you and your children, no wonder you were going round like a mouse.  It’s important now to get the support, advice you need and build yourself back up. Take care X

    #60208 Report

    GingerbreadHelen
    Keymaster

    Hi Jemima2021, I’m glad you have made contact with people on the forum. I think you will find this link to our webpages useful. You and your child’s wellbeing | Gingerbread. Please look out for a private message from me too with some other ideas for support.

Viewing 8 posts - 1 through 8 (of 8 total)

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