Reducing Contact

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  • #57259 Report

    HappyHarry
    Participant

    My son has emotional and behavioural issues and awaiting assessment for adhd etc.  This has not been helped over the past 12 months due to my divorce.  He has hurt the children emotionally by trying to get to me and get his own way.  My sons behaviour and perfomance at school has deteriorated massively since we went from him going to his dads 3 nights a week to 3 nights one week 4 nights the next which I didnt want to do but he insisted on in his words so he didnt have to pay me a penny maintenance.  CMS have said he still needs to pay but only £32 a month due to the amount he earns.  We have been told there is a high likelihood that he will be excluded from school (who are doing everything they can to help).  Dad denys any behaviourly issues saying it does not occur with him.  Since leaving he my kids have had 5 homes over a 12 month period and there is now talk of moving again.  There have also been other big changes due to his dads activities.  I am told his situation isnt stable but that the kids arent aware of what is going on – they clearly are and my son is making comments about self harming and wanting to die which he has most definately not heard with us.  He doesnt want to go to his dads and we are having battles to get him to go with him waking through the night crying that he doesnt want to go.  We are working with child services but my ex is not communicating well with them so its down to me to sort one 2 one sessions etc to find out why he feels and behaves the way he does and some of the stuff he says is quite concerning.   I am going back to mediation as I feel less changes/handovers through the school week may help with his school behaviour.  Ideally I would change this to weekends only (pick up friday after school and drop off monday morning at school but I do get that he works every other weekend.  Ive come up with another way to do it but I dont think he will agree to it so looks like I will have to go to court.  He has also made a claim for child benefit which has meant child benefit have froze my payments until it is sorted out.  He will not pay to activities, sports or hobbies, school holidays, any sports equipment (sports glasses – quite high prescription).  When I have had to have the kids more due to covid isolations in both homes and when we have taken them on holiday he refuses to have them any extra days and will only have them on the original days.  That said this isnt about the money more about my childrens well being.

    So all that baffle whats my question?

    Am I right to reduce the amount of nights that he has the children to try to create a smoother pattern with least changes for the kids.

    #57288 Report

    steve3334
    Participant

    hi,

    how old are the kids?

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