Recovering from emotional abuse – finding someone new
29 August 2018 at 8:01 am #15108
My ex partner emotioally abused me i didnt realise thats what he was doing till he’d gone and i didn’t know it was a form of domestic violence till i had to do a safe guarding exam with my job and realised i sufferwd every bullet point listed.
I cant remenber the good parts but i have relised it wasn’t me that made him like that as to get me through the last 6mths i kept a log of everything ive done, bought and things id like to do (ticking them of as i go along)
Anyway i feky confident enouggh to join upto online dating and been talking to what seams to be a great guy, i told him about my ex as i felt i had to to make him understand why i would b nervous when me met up etc.
However he recently tried to invite himself over which i cant have happen for many reasons, and i explained seaking ok that time too.
Meeting up hasmt bern decused as yet part of me thing i shouldnt gave told him whst went on but i need yhings to be didferenr this time its tsken ke 6mths to get to this stage i honestly don’t know if id recover if thst hsppened again.
Wpuld you have yold him?
How am i going to trust anyone?
Most importantly – How do i move on from it?
(On waiting list foe counselling)2 September 2018 at 10:25 pm #15369
Sounds like you are still healing. I came out of a 17 year abusive marriage. The first two people J met online dating showed me that I still needed to give myself time and value myself enough to go with my instincts. A guy trying to invite himself round would not sit right with me.
I wouldn’t necessarily advise laying it all out there to a potential new boyfriend, there’s no rush. We all hate being lonely but honestly take time for yourself. My therapist told me focus on the relationships with my friends, let those be healthy and strong and that’ll help me be able to trust again….over time.
Good luck3 September 2018 at 7:44 am #15371
I have been spending alot of time with friends this past week as finally have realised to love myself first as without that i dont think ANYTHING could have happened with anyone. Im gaining in confidence by the day and bought clothes i wouldnt have condsidered towards the end, i feel free and even ny friends have said how good im looking now.
I feel amazing and actually comfortable alone and i think that has to happen before you love again as ive realised i can take things as they come along m. I was even able to great his parents who seen the change in my ex too. (first time theyve visited since this happened). They didnt really talk about what had happened but they where seeing who i am now,how i am and i am ok it’s took alot of sole searching. His mum said how nice my house had become now 🤗
I did eventually met the guy in a pulic place a have a grest time so we will see i think he was judt bring cherky woth the whole ill come over then as he was a true gent. Even walked me back to my car so we’ll see. But i do no no matter what i will b ok. And that all i neeeded3 September 2018 at 11:32 pm #15390
Lovely to hear you are doing well and taking a positive approach to things. 🌷4 September 2018 at 12:34 pm #15396
Reading this is like someone has been writing about me.
I’m glad you are doing better tho.
Healing Is never linear and it takes a lot of time to trust anyone again.4 September 2018 at 3:11 pm #15401
Yeah i can see the trust side will take a very long time. And even thlught this guy seams ok i keep doubting ot. We will see thing progress there is really no rush. X4 September 2018 at 3:44 pm #15404
I suffered from emotional abuse during my last relationship, like yourself I did not realise until I got out of it. Unfortunately I left the relationship pregnant and I am not a single parent. I do regret having my baby boy, he is everything to me, but I have had to accept that I will be on my own for a while until I can build up that trust to get back out there.
They say times a healer…I am currently having CBT therapy which I have had since having my little boy, it has helped me dramatically and I wouldn’t be where I am today if I hadn’t persued it.4 September 2018 at 10:23 pm #15423
I found joining a marien fitness camp local to me has been the turning point for me.
I am on a waiting list for conselling still waiting to hear. X