Recovering dad wants to see kids

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  • #39634 Report

    Just to tall
    Participant

    Hi I’m justin and I separated from my ex 8 years ago and took it quite hard infact suffering with depression I turned to cocaine and for 6 years I used it regular. I still had my kids every other weekend and also I day at the other weekend. I then decide to quit the drugs as it was affecting me mentally and I quit instantly after all that time which not knowing is the best way not to quit I ended up with drug induced psychosis and got sectioned for 2 month. I was told after coming out of hospital that I couldn’t see my kids by my ex. I was still not well and after 2 long years I am now finally ready to try and get back in my kids life. Yes I admit I made a big mistake. I have just written a letter to their mum explain that I am sorry and hope she will forgive me and had a response aying that she does not think it is the right time for the kids sake for me to try and explain and sort things out with them. She says the school have been involved but I have never had no letters from the schools and I have no court orders restricting me from seeing my kids. I am just respecting what she says but I personally think I should be entitled to try and contact the 4 kids. Can anyone offer me advice on who to contact or try and help me as this is slowly eating me away again and I don’t want to give up on my kids or myself. I know I have been stupid and that I have made a mistake but I don’t think I deserve To be punished by her anymore but not sure what to do anymore

    #39637 Report

    Waunderful
    Participant

    Its a very stressful time right now, especially for kids. Could you ask her for more clarification on the situation?

    If you’re struggling to cope making continued use of any support networks/friends/doctors   is definitely advisable. Self care is even more important these days x

    #39662 Report

    Just to tall
    Participant

    Thank you for this I’m coping OK. Just hate her being in control of this situation.

    #39665 Report

    dannii009
    Participant

    Well done on your road to recovery. Not an easy thing to do but you did it.

    However, you do need to wake up a little bit. By your own admission you looked after your children whilst on drugs and they haven’t seen you for years because of your issues. And now you’re complaining about her being ‘in control’ of the situation. She has every right to be. She doesn’t have to forgive you suddenly and of course she feels protective over the children. The reason why there hasn’t been a court order is because she didn’t take it to court when she could have done. You need to be patient and understanding. They’ve moved on with their lives, it will be hard to let you back in. You may be ready for it but maybe they aren’t. Remember that it’s not all about you.

    I’d just say okay, I understand, I want to prove to you that I have changed so you let me know how and when I can do that.

    #39707 Report

    Just to tall
    Participant

    Thank you yes I know exactly what you saying. And yes I will send her another message. It just doesn’t seam fare when we where together she had a major drink problem 2 bottles of wine a night and I stud by her and looked after the kids while she drank. She was the one who cheated on me with an old mate and others I know off yet I’m the one what’s ended up losing it all. I’m the first to admit I have done the drugs. I will just have to wait over time. I just hope she isn’t drinking again as I have my suspicions she is after her ringing my brother one night at 11pm slurring her words and having a go at him because he had seen one of the kids and told them there Nan was in hospital ill. And he should have told her not the kids. So I do belive I have a right to be concerned aswell.

    #39721 Report

    dannii009
    Participant

    Yes you do! Goodness that sounds like a right mess. I’m sorry you went through all that. I hope that your patience pays off. You may have to bite your tongue for a bit and play the ‘supportive and understanding’ role for the time-being until you can get access again and find out what’s going on. My concern is, if you go down the legal route, you may not get the outcome you’d like. I hope, in time, you can rebuild your relationship with the children. Stay strong!

    #39843 Report

    Adam79
    Participant

    Hi Justin

    First off, well done for realising that you had an issue, and addressing it, it takes courage to do that.

    And secondly, I just wondered the route taken after leaving the care of of the psychiatric ward. Did they suggest narcotics anonymous, or make it mandatory, and were you able to access ongoing psychiatric support, and if so, have you used it? I can maybe help with the addiction side of things, as I’ve had my time using substances in the past, the drugs may differ, but the reasons for doing it are never really that different. There may be a few things I can suggest, I cant with any authority comment about your legal approach to seeing the children again, as I haven’t been down that route. My lads not long since turned two, and it was 12 years ago I last picked anything up, so haven’t been through anything like you, but I did have some heavy stuff go on in that two years and without tapping into help, things could have gone pear shaped.

    You don’t have to do it on your own, and as counter-intuitive as it may sound, for now, it would be very helpful to take care of yourself first. If you want to send me a message, please do, perhaps we can have a chat if nothing more.

    Take care

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