recently single dad

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  • #44957 Report

    Raypower123
    Participant

    hi guys, I’m really new to this and I have recently been separated from my missus after 12 years after finding her cheating for 4 months….i just want to reach out for any support I can get really on not only how I can cope but also financial…..we share a mortgage and we arent in any position to buy each other out….i was just wondering the below

     

    • How does the utility bills work?
    • I have my kids forn4 nights…how would I go about the child maintance?
    • How do i cope with being a single parent?I’m currently staying at my parents house?
    • What are my legal rights in terms of the house?can I go back there when I want?

    Thank you so much for any feedback and support

    #44974 Report

    Kathymumofone
    Participant

    Hi,

    Try the gingerbread helpline for the legal stuff.  And the online CMS calculator is good too for calculating nights\maintenance.

    On how do you cope? I just tried to keep everything as normal as possible. Ok we, as parents, were living in separate houses, but life goes on, homework, swimming lessons, pizza night in front of the telly.  I have a couple of rules I try to stick to. My son never sees us argue. I won’t engage if he is there. My ex can ring anytime he likes up to 9pm (bedtime).  I listen carefully to son, if he doesn’t want to visit, that’s fine, I’ll try to arrange for ex to come to our house. Try to find compromises somehow but don’t get walked over.  Communicating by polite email (timed & dated) helps because both parties know their emails could end up on display in court. I bite my lip a lot.

    We had 15 years of co-parenting to get through when this started, now we have six left. In that time I’ve lost my temper once (son returned to me injured, in pain and needing a&e) and I’ve said an absolute No twice. But generally I try to smooth things over where I can. I want my son to have a calm secure childhood, and if that means he sees his dad in a better light than his dad deserves, I’ll cope with that.

    As for life outside parenting and work, I’ll worry about it in 6 years time. 😁

    It does get easier

    #44975 Report

    Kathymumofone
    Participant

    And if you can’t sleep (1.14am?) resort to old favourites, cocoa and a book. Tech stops you sleeping and alcohol makes it worse.

    Kids like ‘normal’, they want to see their dad still his same old self. It will reassure them. If you look like you haven’t slept in a week, they will worry about you.   So chin up, at least while they are around.

    #44977 Report

    Jsmoove
    Participant

    Hi ray,same circumstances as yourself,first of all,be civil in front of the kids,our house goes on the market next week,but for the last few months we split the utility bills and mortgages 50% so I don’t have to pay child maintenance until the house sells,I have my kids Friday night to Monday Morning every other weekend and 2-3 nights during the week if work allows for it,while I have the kids I stay at the marital home while she stays elsewhere and vice versa with myself,it gets really complicated when there is a new partner involve as they like to stick their nose in as well so that’s made my life hell on my end,the quicker you sort it the easier it will be,don’t let it drag out

    #44978 Report

    mountainbiker1
    Participant

    Hi Ray, I’ve just signed in to Gingerbread after a long time, wondering if I was in the right place and it was very nice to see a post by a fellow single dad top of the most recent list. I don’t have much insight into your concerns I’m afraid. Mine are more to do with fighting my ex through the courts to see my son. At the moment I’m only seeing him on video 2x week whereas I used to have him 2 mornings a week before.

    Anyway this was a reply to your request rather than about me. anyway, nice to see a fellow fellow here. Hope it works out for you. It will in the end. Best wishes, J

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