Recently Seperated, partner not making effort with the kids

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This topic contains 4 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by  LilNige 1 month ago.

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  • #26466 Report

    LilNige
    Participant

    Looking for some advice from anyone who might have had a similar experience.

    Asked my wife to leave at Easter after I discovered she had started a relationship with a new bloke. We had been separated for several years but were initially living as good friends until the friendship turned sour due to financial restraints and the age of my kids.

    Both the kids live with me and work commitments aside my partners interaction with the kids is pretty much once every couple of weeks. She is barely on speaking terms with my teenage daughter. I have made it clear the door is always open for her to come and visit and I want her to have good relationships with her children but increasingly I am getting the impression she’s not really interested. We will not go for the formal divorce for another year or so yet due to financial and practical reasons.

    Anyone else been through this and might be able to offer some practical advice?

    #26474 Report

    PeterD
    Participant

    Hi L

    I have custody of our three kids. She lived under the same roof even though we were separated for 15 months which in turn made the two year separation void. Many people will tell you that living under the same roof will not but believe you me it will be very difficult to get the courts to grant a divorce it a mine field

    she has now met a younger model and we hardly see her more than likely because she all loved up thinking she’s a teenager again

    Same here she hardly speaks to my teenage daughter because she’s jealous of my relationship with her. The best thing you can do is concentrate on your kids and yourself.

    You need to focus your energy on the kids and yourself.

    P

    #26487 Report

    Kathymumofone
    Participant

    Are your children both teenagers? Do they hold her responsible for the marriage breakdown? Is she staying away because they express their anger?

    Would your relationship allow you to explain that they may look grown up, and they may be really angry, but at that age they need her just as much as if they were toddlers and she needs to try to get past that

    Or is there a family member who she trusts, who would talk to her?

    #26510 Report

    LilNige
    Participant

    Thanks for your reply KathyMumOfTwo. They are 13 and 9. The 13 year old’s relationship was pretty poor anyway but I had not realised how bad until she was receiving counselling for stress and anxiety last year. The root cause was her Mum unfortunately. Her mum never really engaged with her during her treatment and they don’t call each other or text now that she has moved out.

    She is making more of an effort with my son but this is pretty much picking up/dropping off at school and the cinema not sitting down and chatting to him.

    Do they blame her? Interesting question I think my daughter does yes.

    Do they need her? They have not shown any signs of missing her at all. School, childminder etc feedback is they all actually appear to be happier than they where before and certainly my daughter appears to have grown in self confidence.

    I do not wish for them not to have a relationship with her but I don’t think she is too fussed about it.

    #26512 Report

    LilNige
    Participant

    Thanks Peter, that is definitely the direction I am leaning towards. I wants to leave the lines of communication open with her for the kids sake. If she chooses to move on like I suspect she is going to, then I can look both kids in the face and tell them honestly it was her decision to walk away from them not mine.

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