Recently separated

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This topic contains 17 replies, has 11 voices, and was last updated by  jean Jeanie 4 months, 3 weeks ago.

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 18 total)
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  • #25342 Report

    Spirit
    Participant

    Hi All,

    I have recently separated from my husband of 16 years and I have two boys aged 7 and 4 years. I have to say I’m finding everything at the moment extremely over whelming and I’m not sure if I’m ever going to feel happy again. I do have lovely friends around me who have been very supportive but all of them are married so I feel a bit of the odd one out being single. It would be really nice if I could connect with more people who have been or are going through this as at times I feel as if I’m going mad and the loneliness is just awful too.

     

    Thanks Mel

    #25344 Report

    Ginger1002
    Participant

    Hi Mel,

    I am also recently separated and know exactly how you feel about the loneliness. I don’t have any friends around me so find it very difficult. I have 4 boys. Feel free to chat!

    Emma

    #25346 Report

    SoccerDad
    Participant

    Hi both

    Going through this too at the moment after 20 years. What I’ve found is that it is getting easier as time goes on – just setting little steps, and giving myself a well done when I’ve done them. You need to know that you are doing great in the circumstances – and you are.

    This place has really helped, knowing there are other people out there in the same boat who understand, and also some great stories of hope where people have come out the other side.

    There’s a Friday night social thread in the forum that people go on any night they’re feeling low, or even if they just want people to chat with!

    It will get easier, even though it feels really bad st the moment – the clouds will get clearer, it’s been 2 months so far and you definitely feel a bit better as time goes on – the feelings of emptiness do start to ebb.

    Finally, remember that everyone on here will listen and chat – i’ve found more friends on here that understand than I ever would in social circles.

    SD

    #25367 Report

    Spirit
    Participant

    Thank you it’s so nice to chat to people who are going through a similar thing as me.

    A bit of a tough day today – took both my boys to the park  which ended abruptly as 4 year old wet himself and the 7 year old fell over 🙁 rushed back through town to get clothes for youngest and plasters for my oldest on route. I then bumped into one of my ex’s aunt’s who wanted to chat she know’s we’ve split up but what she doesn’t know is that he’s now dating a 25 year old (he’s nearly 40 – he did this about 3 to 4 months after we split) God it was so hard holding that info back but I did. I have to say I was a bit rude and abrupt to her but it wasn’t a good time at all.

    My ex’s seems to think that we can still be friends but sadly I’m certainly not in that head space at all if I ever will be 🙁

    #25370 Report

    PeterD
    Participant

    Hi Spirit

    My wife of 23 years has walked out on me and the 3 kids. She’s got herself a younger model😂😂😂.

    I now have the kids and she doesn’t want any involvement. She wants to remain friends but to be honest with you I hope I never see her again.

    Yes it’s tough but I’m coping by looking at every thing as a new adventure and it seems to be working. I still do get that horrible empty feeling but it is getting better every day😁😁😁.

    I’ve recently joined gingerbread and I am surprised how many people are in the same boat. Even though it’s chatting in a forum it does help.

    Stay strong it gets easier honest.

    Regards

    PeterD

    #25371 Report

    SoccerDad
    Participant

    I’m not sure friends with exes works, particularly if it’s not a mutual split or there’s something that’s been going on. Sounds like he wants his cake and eat it to a degree, or feels guilty – either way, you need your space, so be selfish and grab it with both hands!

    #25380 Report

    Charchar101
    Participant

    I’m sorry to hear you are not doing so well, I hope there are people hear to help. I am in a very similar situation, i would have been with my husband 10 years this year, we have a gorgeous 3 year old boy and I gave birth to a baby girl last Tuesday but my husband left me for someone else when I was 5 months pregnant. I have never felt so alone even though he has been here for us helping since she arrived but it’s tough as I obviously wish he wasn’t around because of what he did but feel if he wants to be there for the kids that’s the best thing for them, but it’s very difficult for me. I’m now on maternity leave to free to chat whenever you want.

    • This reply was modified 4 months, 4 weeks ago by  Charchar101.
    #25387 Report

    Spirit
    Participant

    Thanks SoccerDad  he thinks we can just carry on being friends, his life’s all sorted now he’s got a new girl friend, idiot!

    I totally agree with the cake and eat it too and possibly guilt as well and this is what I have said all along to him but he won’t have it 🙁

    Charchar10 thats awful hun so sorry to hear your struggles too and very happy to chat anytime.

     

    What is it with people you think you know someone and then bam one day your whole life is just turned upside down 🙁

    Sorry for ranting but I just don’t understand how any of this can happen

    • This reply was modified 4 months, 4 weeks ago by  Spirit.
    #25440 Report

    jean Jeanie
    Participant

    hi spirit,

    i feel your pain, I’m recently separated from hubby since February, he just said he loves me but not in love with me, then left. He wants to be friends, we have two boys I try to be civil but I just don’t understand how after 23 years he can leave without even trying?? I’m trying the no contact except on a Sunday night where we ring each other to discuss the boys, although this weekend I’ve had a massive meltdown and asked him why, he answers he doesn’t know, and I’ve also asked him if we can try again, he said no!! I feel like I’m back at square one again and now feel shitty than ever!!!!

    #25445 Report

    Spirit
    Participant

    Hi Jean,

    I’m so sorry and yes I completely understand your sadness and frustration too. I separated from my husband in January and we were going through marriage counselling until he announced he was dating right at the end of the session as you can imagine I was devastated. I suspected something was going on as this woman appeared on the scene around February time.

    It’s all very complicated but I found out through my 7 year old a few months ago that daddy and his new friend had hung out with my kids not once but twice and all went out for lunch. You can imagine I went absolutely ballistic at my ex and he stopped that but unfortunately the seed was sown and the children would mention her on numerous occasions on how nice she was etc. This was absolutely awful for me to hear and deal with but I couldn’t say anything to the children as they didn’t understand what they were saying 🙁

    I get that someone can be unhappy in a marriage but it’s the way he went about it all and not at any point did he consider me or especially my children’s feelings in any of this he just thought all about himself and what he wanted. And as I say he wants to be my friend as he believe’s he done nothing wrong as we were separated – I certainly wasn’t on the same page as him re dating I was trying to save our marriage!

    #25465 Report

    Staceyt30
    Participant

    Hi I on my own with a 1 year old and dam it hard depression is not helping either

    #25467 Report

    Spirit
    Participant

    Hi Stacey I’m so sorry to hear that I’m happy to chat anytime 🙂

     

    #25469 Report

    Kanger1
    Participant

    Hiya, we split in January and have a 9 yr old. Same here in that his only thought was how he felt, no ability to communicate and wants to be friends to ease his guilt.  He has a ‘friend’ who was appearing everytime he had our child. It took our child saying to him she was confused and me mentioning it to his mum for him to tell our child that his friend won’t be meeting up with her as much for the time being.  Its all quite unpleasant but its on them and not about us.

    All I can say is its our exes loss as we are the stable ones, there for our kids and will likely take our time meeting someone new and long term will be happier 🙂

    Sending my best to all of us in this unpleasant place right now and it will get easier 🙂 on a lighter note went to see Hugh Jackman last night and he is so in love with his wife of 23? Years. Good partnerships are out there.

    #25484 Report

    Yorkshire KT
    Participant

    Same here. 8yo boy and 4yo girl. 15 years together and he loves me but not in love with me. He wanted a break in October and moved in with his mum then he decided he wasn’t coming back in December. He still can’t tell my why or what went wrong and I’m still feeling confused and broken. Of course I’m still his best friend and he wants the best for me!!!!!

    We see each other 3 times a week as he has them overnight at his mums but I have them from school. How do you get over someone you have to see all the time! 🙈

    #25485 Report

    Liane
    Participant

    Ive been seperated from my kids dad since 2011.

    Physically, mentally and emotionally i just couldn’t do it anymore.

    As hard as it all was its the best thing. If we would have kept trying i think id have ended up a permanent patient on the local psych ward.

    Keep going. Write it down. Plan it out. Breathe. Talk. Recouperate and start again.

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