Recently separated with 2 young children
7 December 2021 at 6:24 pm #63650
I’ve just joined here, please be kind.
My husband of 6 years, together for 10, has recently left me for another woman. We have two children together. My eldest is 4 and just started at school. Our youngest is 7 months old.
I found out about it all by mistake, I saw a screenshot of a message in his pictures when I was looking at photos he’d taken of our kids over a weekend. I found about it 8 weeks ago.
It’s come so out of the blue. He has said it himself, we were happy. He wasn’t “looking” for anything it just “happened” and now he doesn’t feel the same way about me anymore because he has “fallen in love” with someone else.
These last few weeks have been horrendous. I’ve been seeing a counsellor. Initially I was so shocked and so angry that he was so quick to leave for her. The anger made me exceptionally busy, I could channel my rage into having the cleanest house and most organised life. I even redecorated the sitting room!! But the anger has dissolved in the last 2 weeks and I just feel so sad and so hopeless.
I’ve had to ask him back here to help with the boys. The sleepless nights with the baby, the coughs and colds and stomach bugs from school, the emotional pain, it’s all just gotten too much. I’ve started on anti depressants this week. I so desperately want to manage on my own without him because seeing him is just so painful.
I’m not really sure what I’m hoping to get out of writing all of this here, but there we are…7 December 2021 at 7:18 pm #63655
I am so sorry you are going through such a hard time right now. I can remember well the rollercoaster of emotions that are threatening to drown you. Please be kind and patient with yourself. You can do this by yourself, but not all at once. I experienced grief like emotions that came in a jumble, we can be lead to believe there’s a process to work through, and while that’s true it is not the same for anyone. Pain, anger, sadness and fear are all perfectly understandable. My advice is to take your time. Accept your feelings as they come, and work through them as best you can around your life. Let things go where you can, and don’t allow anyone else to tell you how you “should” be feeling. Sending love and support.
Luna 🦋7 December 2021 at 11:23 pm #63665
Sorry to hear of your predicament, it helps to put what you are feeling in writing as you have done even if you are unsure if anybody will even read it. Well at least 2 of us have read it and are thinking of you8 December 2021 at 11:06 am #63680
I am sure many more people read your post. Many more are thinking about how you feel and how you try to cope and keep going. Are there any family members you can invite and ask for help? Siblings? I did spend a few weeks with my best friend right after I found out, what was going on. But I didn’t have a seven-month-old baby. There is not much I can tell you. It is horrible and there is no way around it. But it will pass. Five years on, I now know, it was a real good thing for me, and I am grateful that guy gave me a getaway from the life I was living and the person who made it a misery for me and the children. But to be there took time and effort. You are putting in the effort and hopefully time will do the rest for you. I wish you very well and hope you will come out of it better than you were when it all started.9 December 2021 at 4:13 pm #63715
Hi there – been through exactly the same thing… I turned on an old phone for our daughter…and up popped facebook messenger chat heads i didnt recognise… BOOM!!
It is a slow process and it cannot be rushed but its do-able! You are stronger than you realise. You have proved this by doing the things you have.
Take care and be kind to yourself…
Andrew.9 December 2021 at 7:48 pm #63717
Found out two weeks ago my husband was having an affair (just in time for christmas). I kicked him out but he stays in the spare room when I work my 2x night shifts a week to look after our two children age 1 year and 4 years but he does not have a fixed address yet which is annoying as I know I cannot claim anything to support the kids and I until he does. Every time I see him its 1 step forward and 2 steps back. Its painful and s reminder of everything hes done and is now putting me through. I understand. I clean & organise to stay focused & keep the boys in a routine but busier than usual so I dont have time to stop and think about the fact hes still with her now despite me finding out. We are over and just like that he apparently doesn’t love me anymore.
We are worth more than these men! They do not deserve us!9 December 2021 at 10:12 pm #63719
Thank you so much everybody who took the time to reply to me.
I’m finding things so hard at the moment but I appreciate how much hope all of you seem to have. It really means a lot! Thank you x10 December 2021 at 12:13 pm #63730
Keep going! Keep smiling! Glad the support helps.