Recently Separated

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  • #58829 Report

    Dpsebast
    Participant

    Hello,

    My wife has decided that she wants to separate (only decided last week), but this has been going on for a few months.  we were working through things and  last week I thought we were both getting on and were talking about going on holidays, birthdays and the usual family stuff and it just felt great.  Like a light switch, she changed her mind and said it was over.

    She now wants me to move out so she can get on with her life.  I told her do not rush me into moving out…..I need to make sure I am still close enough to the children so I can be an integral part of their lives.  The children still do not know and my ex does not want to tell them until I have found a place.  I accept that and don’t know if that is the right thing or we should be preparing them.

    She will stay in the house and I will pay the mortgage and she will pay all the other bills.  She is not expecting me to pay any maintenance support as she will be entitled to Universal Credit.  For me, paying the mortgage and finding a rental will really push be close to my limit and I think she knows this, as I would have to stay in the family home.

    My other concern is that when I move out, will she then dictate when I can see the children and have them over.  I work from home, I can take and collect from school.  They are also getting to an age (boy 10, girl 8), where they would prefer to be playing with their friends and not with their parents.  I also worry that they may not want to spend time with me because they want to be with their friends.

    Do I need to get something drafted which shows what has been agreed or we verbally agree and hope it works…..

    Thanks for listening…..

    Lost at the moment..

     

    #58898 Report

    MR2123
    Participant

    Hi

    i am going through a very similar situation to you (about 2 weeks further ahead). My wife has said she wishes to separate.

    We are currently still living together as it would be difficult for either of us to afford to take on a rental and parents houses are either too small or too far away.

    About your questions; neither person can be forced from the home (unless there has been abuse or violence) so it’s down to you both to work out what happens next (either together or with assistance of third parties). This will include finances and child arrangements. I’ve said to my wife that I am not willing to move out until these have been broadly agreed. For the moment we are living on that basis. Legally I do not believe you have diminished your rights by moving out, but you will know what may happen in your circumstance. For me I would like to see the basis of some agreement drafting. You may wish to get advice on this

    In relation to the kids – this is a tough one if where you live now they have lots of friends to play with which may not be the case when you are in a new place. If they are like my kids (most kids) they may moan about this but they will want to spend time with their dad

    #58903 Report

    Dpsebast
    Participant

    Hi MR2123,

    At the moment I have my head in the sand and trying not to think about what I should do next.  Rental property is so expensive and I am so happy with the area I live in right now.  The thought of moving away and being away from the kids is heart breaking.

    We have verbally agreed the finances, the outgoings….but, need to talk about who is responsible for repairs to the house.  She does not earn enough and I know it will come down to me in the end.  I think there are things which still need to be discussed, especially the children.

     

     

     

     

    #58904 Report

    MR2123
    Participant

    Hi Dpsebast

    i can relate. The thought of not seeing the kids every day is heart breaking. Especially with lock down etc and working from home I can count on one hand the times I’ve not been here for bed time. Others have said this is one of the toughest to get through. However they do say you find your rhythm. Hopefully you will have the relationship with your wife to still share those key moments together with the children (birthdays, school plays etc). I’m trying to maintain this with my wife

    #58905 Report

    Dpsebast
    Participant

    Hi MR2123,

    Maintaining an amicable relationship with my wife who does not want to engage in conversation is proving difficult.  Her dad came along earlier and we had a chat…I get on well with her parents and he was upset we were splitting up.

    Emotions are running high which is normal and hopefully we will be friends and do what is best for the children.

    Just wish I could turn back the clock!!

     

     

    #58924 Report

    MR2123
    Participant

    Feeling like that is quite normal and it’s only natural to think what would have happened if you had done things differently. Accepting a separation is really difficult when you don’t want it. I know how you are feeling.

    I think keeping the focus on the children is the best way to maintain a relationship. Well that’s what I am trying to do. This is my first rodeo so also learning as I go.

Viewing 6 posts - 1 through 6 (of 6 total)

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