Recent separation and looking for advice

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  • #22266 Report


    So the long and short of it is my husband upped and left our family home completely out of the blue.

    I have a beautiful 19month old daughter to support a joint mortgage to pay and a he’ll of a lot of bills to pay on just a 16hours a week  job- feeling very sorry for myself.

    What are the first steps to take? Any coping mechanisms? Advice on letting little one know dad’s not coming back? How to approach the mortgage?

    #22267 Report


    Hi I’m sorry to hear you are going through such a tough time. My husband has left me also out of the blue and struggling to cope emotionally due to a large mortgage and 2 children. I’d also been very interested in your replies and hope u don’t mind me joining in

    #22274 Report


    Hi Jellybonbon,

    a horrible situation, I hope you are ok.

    I think you need to prepare for your ex to ask for things to change. He may ask that you sell the house etc so you need to speak to a solicitor soon.Until then, he is liable for his share of the mortgage, as per the contract, regardless of whether he lives there or not. If he defaults on the mortgage, it will hit his credit record and make it difficult for him to get a mortgage in future, or even to rent a home.

    can you increase your working hours? You will be eligible for free childcare in a few months time so it will be an option?  Check the entitled to web site to estimate what benefits you might get.

    As far as telling your daughter that daddy has left, I wouldn’t get into that until you are clear how life will be in future. Just say daddy is working away and she’ll see him soon.

    And be kind to yourself. It will take time to adapt, but you’ll be fine.

    #22313 Report



    Sorry to hear this. I am 3 months in and my first steps were joining here and booking a free first 30 min with a solicitor which was really helpful. Council tax bills are coming out so apply for 25% single person discount and also universal credit etc. As mentioned above. Talk to friends, family and on forums like this and get some support.  If worried about mortgage payments etc. You could contact your provider. Our bank has a support line or book an appointment with them if possible, together if amicable. Putting a bit of a checklist together will help you move forward and stay in control of things.

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