Recent break up, I’m so worried about my kids future
18 November 2019 at 9:17 am #32968
My wife recently decided she no longer loved me and we agreed to split and despite me wanting to fight for things she’s not Intrested, we have a beautiful 4 year girl who is the happiest little girl in the world, we are both good parents and ideally want her 50/50 but the thought of it blows my mind.
we are still living together at the moment but we know one of us has to move, I know I can affairs to stay where we are but my wife can’t she’s not great with money which is why Iv always paid for most of the bills, one thing I’m worried about is if she has to go live in a council place in a horrible area (please don’t think I’m a snob, I grew up on a council estate and have lived in hostels when I was younger I just don’t want my child to go through that like I did)
I feel like I need to support my wife for the sake of our little one but I can’t do that and be left with enough to support myself.
i really don’t know what direction to go, and even tho I’m still in the same flat with my wife and kid once my little one wakes up the loneliness and dread feelings come at me really strong, Iv got a good network of friends but don’t wanna keep leaning on them, and even the things I’d distract myself with I can’t focus on and it’s hard for me to pretend everything is okay with my little one when I feel my life force has been ripped out of me, I’m a good dad and have been a really good husband but feeling like I’m having my world ripped away from me when (as my wife said) Iv not done anything wrong she just doesn’t have the feelings anymore hurts like hell as I feel like Iv got to walk away and start fresh and be the one that suffers for everything, my head generally hurts, any advice or support would be great, thanks
Rich18 November 2019 at 4:02 pm #33010
Ok, the harsh reality is your wife is going to have to learn to stand on her own two feet, your not responsible for her when you guys go your own way.
When my ex left and he was seeing my son he ended up for a time in a grotty little place. My son told me he didn’t like the place and that it was ‘rusty’ so I stopped overnight contact (this was going against a court order for contact) until he found somewhere better to live. We do not have to send our children to grotty places just so that they have contact.
Could your wife or you rent privately in a half decent area? Would that work?18 November 2019 at 4:37 pm #33012
It’s great to agreed to take care of her but don’t blame yourself because of your ex decision, it’s not your fault!
If she wants to go just let her go!
But I think both parents are responsible about their kids and the best way is to sit and talk with your ex wife and make a proper decision and find a best and convenient area to live.
I had many difficulties and controversy to talk with my ex. She wanted to fight for any anythings. So I decided to make my own decisions.
It was so hard!
But I didn’t have any choice.
Do whatever is right mate.
Good luck18 November 2019 at 4:55 pm #33013
Kath is right, your wife has to deal with this herself. She will soon learn that life without budgeting is pretty miserable.
There are lots of things you can do to support your little one though. Rather than give your ex money for school uniform, shoes, winter coat etc buy them yourself.
In theory each parent should buy things for the children, to be at each house, but with a bit of good will and organisation, it is possible to share & keep costs down. I do this with my ex.
Thankfully, most small children aren’t bothered by surroundings as long as they are warm, well fed and happy. Your wife has a couple of years before your daughter will notice that the area isn’t as good. Rather than pay for your ex to live somewhere upmarket, perhaps go for a sensible financial split but offer help with redecorating, moving etc. to get her settled.
It is more important that you are both financially secure and can provide for your little one. And don’t feel guilty18 November 2019 at 6:36 pm #33022
Thanks guys for the reply’s, Iv been speaking to my ex wife’s(sounds weird saying that as it’s not been long that we have been separated) who I have to say has been the best mother in law you could ask for and she’s sort of said you should stay where you are and her move out as she has to learn to deal with the real world now and my mate also said she’s the one that’s ended all of this so why should I move out and loose my security because of how she feels, but I’m trying my best to not get to a point scoring position as that’s not gonna be in my daughters best interests (mine maybe), I know il get there in the end it’s just annoying I feel like I have to wait for the wife to sort herself out and figure out what she’s gonna do before I can sort out what I’m gonna do.18 November 2019 at 6:40 pm #33023
Maybe it’s wishful thinking but where we are still friendly I’m hoping that the split will be quite easy even tho I can see her saying I want to take this and want to take that which I’m worried will gut our home in half, but again my little girl needs another home as well so I’m not too worried about that, if we were 50-50 with our little one do we need to pay child maintenance? If we both look after her I don’t know how it would work18 November 2019 at 6:58 pm #33026
Mutual understanding is the best
Glad to hear it
Unfortunately I don’t know how to deal with child maintenance but hope others come and answer to your question.
All the best18 November 2019 at 7:00 pm #33027
Thanks buddy19 November 2019 at 11:34 am #33044
You may also find it helpful to contact our Single Parent Helpline for advice on your child maintenance query. The helpline will be busy and there is usually a wait to get through, but calls are free from a mobile or landline.
Here are their details and I hope this helps:
Alex19 November 2019 at 11:44 am #33048
Thankyou that will be helpful