recenetly seperated

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This topic contains 7 replies, has 4 voices, and was last updated by  MarkHB 4 months, 1 week ago.

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  • #23529 Report

    JumboSambo
    Participant

    hi, 3 weeks ago my wife left me after 14 years together. I’m devastated, but she already seems to be dating again. I feel very hurt and betrayed by this, but she insists it’s none of my business any more. is it just me who thinks this is far too soon to start dating again? I feel it’s very callous of her and I’m heartbroken

    #23538 Report

    Teaandcake
    Participant

    Hi, I’m sorry you’re going through this. Although it is very hurtful and selfish of her, it’s probably a result of her having been unhappy with the relationship for some time, therefore, by the time she left you, she had already ‘grieved’ for the relationship and was ready to move on with someone else.

    Sadly I’m speaking from experience. I will feel guilty for the rest of my days that my ex found out I was seeing a work colleague soon after leaving him. 😔

    #23558 Report

    MarkHB
    Participant

    Hi, I am so sorry to hear your news.

    We are in the same boat sadly.

    My wife expressed her desire to separate in January and even though we we are still living in the same house (due to her lack of willing to actually follow through with this) she has been dating and is now sleeping with someone else.

    I am beyond devastated and deserve more respect as do you, but sadly she has emotionally checked a long time ago and has rationsalised this to herself and sadly Teandcake is right in what she says.

    I say this as someone who is a ball of rage this morning and need to gather myself to fake it through my daughters first birthday

    All I can say is make it through each moment, set yourself goals and try and achieve them.

    If the time period seems too long, shorten it, give yourself credit for getting through, take time for yourself and do things you enjoy or spend time with people you love if you can.

    I wish you all the best. I’m told one day it will get better.

    Some days I am bulletproof, some days I am a mess.

     

    #23580 Report

    Alan1
    Participant

    Hi

    My wife left me in January and i just cant get over it – i am devastated as well although i don’t believe she has dated yet.

    I have slept with 2 women since we split but its meaningless and doesn’t really help although i continue to go on dates as it feels the time.

    I find it hard being on my own now – it sounds terrible that i am doing that and i feel i need help so am going to see my doctor and get counselling.

    I just can’t see a day that is worth looking forward to and i have 2 young children so its hard to feel like that.

    I assume she grieved for the relationship last year although she has told me she is finding it hard just like me.

    Don’t know why i have typed the above other than to vent but i feel everyday is difficult.

    I would love a support group in South Essex but they just don’t exist.

    #23592 Report

    JumboSambo
    Participant

    Holy shit markHB, that’s an awful situation to be in. I can understand moving on and dating someone else, and all that entails, but while you’re still living together? That must be torture buddy.

     

    Alan1, it’s good to talk and get it off your chest pal. These are hugely stressful and emotional times for everyone, but people seem to expect men to bottle up their feelings. You need to talk, you need to vent and you need to let out your emotions otherwise they’ll eat away at you. Take care of yourself

    #23593 Report

    MarkHB
    Participant

    Yes, it is.

    The day after we told friends and family she set herself up on dating apps and went looking.

    We have two small kids too ( one next week and four in June) who I am desperate to ensure I can protect from this situation, but it is absolute hell.

    Before all this I promised her I would wait until after our daughters birthday and hers.

    Monday the 29th I will be hitting her with every aspect of this separation including the fact we will have to sell the house, she will have to stop relying me on for childcare and this will end in divorce and right now I can take her for unreasonable behaviour as because she has taken her ring off and claims we are separated (not legally obviously) she claims this is not adultery.

     

    #23598 Report

    JumboSambo
    Participant

    That sounds really rough, and a much worse situation than I’m in.

    We had a 2 week trial seperartion wherr we both agreed we were still together and wouldn’t be seeing other people. On Wednesday night she decided we were officially over, by Thursday night she was out on a date.

    It’s hurts so much its unreal, I can’t even imagine the hell you must be in. Isn’t there somewhere else you can stay until you sell the house?

    #23603 Report

    MarkHB
    Participant

    It’s not great but I’ve got broad shoulders. If I leave I surrender entitlement to my house and children.

    She wants to separate, she goes.

    But I hear your pain. Despite everything there’s a part of me that loves her and that part is the one getting crushed.

    But eventually it will die.

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