20 May 2019 at 9:51 pm #25075
my husband walked out two months ago after I found him using a credit card I’d been helping him to pay. I’ve had over 2 years of lies about women,money,thousands of pounds of debt racked up and as a result I’m a paranoid and anxious mess! He’s now seeing someone else,think she was probably lined up before he left if I’m honest. I know deep down it’s a good thing that he’s gone; I’ve forgiven him so many times. I have put my divorce papers in but the future feels so bleak. I have a 3 year old little girl and it breaks my heart that he’s not here for her. He sees her regularly but my parents divorced and I did not want this for her. Can someone tell me that life gets better? I’m just existing at the minute 😢20 May 2019 at 11:00 pm #25076
It will get better, it just takes time. You already know that you are far better off without this guy, which is a start – and the clouds will start to clear, promise. You and your Daughter have a fresh start, it is an opportunity for you both, and she’ll grow up in a much happier environment with you now – that’s how I’m looking at it from what’s happened to me, and it is working out like that.
I’ve found this site invaluable for helping me through, and you’ve come to the right place for support! If you get lonely, just go on to the Friday Night Social thread, lots of us on there!21 May 2019 at 6:14 am #25077
Thank you Soccer Dad-I really hope that life gets better than this. From what I can see at present,he’s living the single life and doesn’t have a care in the world. I,on the other hand,am paying all of the bills and have the responsibility of the house and my little girl. It all just feels so unfair. And I actually miss him,which makes it worse as his behaviour has been appalling 🙈 it’s reassuring that life gets better, things are so tough at the minute.21 May 2019 at 4:00 pm #25079
Things are still very raw for you at the moment but you will get through this. I understand you missing him, that’s normal but one day you’ll realise that it was being a couple you missed and not the man, after all he wasn’t the man he pretended to be so at the moment your missing someone that doesn’t actually exist.
I’m a full time single dad and while I wished my son had a ‘proper’ family especially in the beginning I also realise he has had far more happiness from not being around a toxic relationship.
It does take time to recover from what you have been through, in reality your a victim of domestic abuse so perhaps if you want more help than what us here on the forums can give you could always have a chat with these folk remembering that not all violence is physical.
National Domestic Violence helpline for support on 0808 2000 247
All the best
Mark21 May 2019 at 4:13 pm #25080
Wow, I feel for you hun.
When things were final with my childrens father I got hit up with bill after bill some stuff I didn’t even know where it had came from.
I went into frantic pay mode. Then a debt consolidation company Harrington Brooks phoned. I paid into them until my mum noticed what I was doing and took me to the citizens advice bureau. They set me up with Step Change who I finished paying off last year.
Well done for filing your divorce papers.
Definitely sounds like you’ll be better off without him.
Good luck and like soccer dad said were all here for you.21 May 2019 at 4:25 pm #25081
Thank you Mark and Liane for your replies…I had never really thought about what he’s put me through as domestic abuse,I must admit I feel nothing like myself and it’s all been so destructive. He literally is just carrying on like nothing has happened. I’m so angry but I’m also so sad about everything. Sorry,I realise I’m like a broken record-I just desperately want to feel better.
Liane-I can completely understand that shock of bills turning up. At one point my husband had several credit cards and was using one to pay the other. It really was awful.
how can someone you think you know be so cruel and heartless? I just don’t get it!21 May 2019 at 5:33 pm #25089
Never be sorry for venting here, it’s a large part of what the forum is about.
A great organisation for women and domestic abuse is called Woman’s Aid, if you go to their website there’s a section on what constitutes abuse and I think you’ll find it informative.
Mark21 May 2019 at 7:31 pm #25095
Well done for coping so far.
It’s a miserable process but it will get better, and quickly too. Your daughter won’t see any more arguments or atmospheres. You’ll soon have months when you aren’t drained dry financially.
When it was me, the misery turned into anger that my ex could be so vile & selfish, and the anger gave me the energy somehow to deal with all the problems, and rebuild.
Eventually I wasn’t angry anymore, just proud of my happy son and rebuilt life. You will be too.21 May 2019 at 7:43 pm #25096
<span style=”caret-color: #1a1919; color: #1a1919; font-family: Lato, sans-serif;”>Hi Newsinglemum,</span>
Being on my own is not a situation I ever thought I would be in either and when he left I felt like my world had come crashing down. I have and am still suffering with anxiety but it is getting less and was made easier once the family home was sold, it was the memories for me which I think was fuelling things. You can self refer via Lets Talk and this is as much for anxiety as it is depression. It has helped me focus on the things I can control and try not to worry about the things I can’t – It doesn’t always work but every now and again I do refer back to some of the strategies & there is a really good relaxation section.
I promise you it does get better, I was with my STBXH for 23 years & never envisaged any of what I have had to deal with since last Aug, but now all he is is a bad memory which does make me sad… However onwards & upwards x21 May 2019 at 9:25 pm #25111
Sending you lots of positive thoughts and energy. It is a horrible place to find yourself in. My husband too decided to leave me and our 2.5 year old son 2 months ago. He does spend some time with him, but with his work and personal commitments coming first, I feel that I have been left to be the primary parent with a child who is grieving for his father. This on top of my own grief as I did not see this coming at all and went into shock.
i pep talk myself all day, get through work somehow but when my boy constantly asks and cries to see his dad, I break every single time. I don’t even know sometimes who is consoling who between my little baby and me.
i too torment myself everyday that I failed to give my child a ‘normal’ family life. But what is normal really!? I know in my heart of heart that living with a man who wasn’t committed to me wasn’t a normal family for our baby either. At least this way, we may still have some hope of finding a new normal that makes us happy again, whatever that looks like.
I feel that sometimes I’m mourning for something I never had, I just thought I did, when I didn’t know better. But now I do, so I’ll feel sad for a bit but then make a new life for us as we both deserve better! So do you and your little one! You will be fine because the only way is up from here.21 May 2019 at 9:35 pm #25113
The fear of the unknown is petrifying, you thought you had your life mapped out and then whoosh the rug is pulled out from under you and you are left dazed and confused. BUT this is how you feel now and slowly you will get stronger and start to rebuild a happier and consistent life for you and your little girl, who in her eyes you are amazing and powerful. Keep being kind to yourself and believe that the pain you feel today will ease. We are all here on your journey to awesomeness with you.21 May 2019 at 11:01 pm #25119
Mark makes a great point, which I found too – you miss the couple, not the person – and I now see my family as me and my 2 children; there are so many people now who have separated that it’s not got the “stigma” that people used to give it, and you have not let anyone down – in fact, you’re being very selfless and brave for your Daughter, as if you took him back now, you’d never be able to trust him and the atmosphere would be toxic – that’s not good for her.
Partners can be replaced as and when you feel ready to do so – kids can’t, so just focus on you and your Daughter, and things will get better – I promise!21 May 2019 at 11:19 pm #25123
I am honestly overwhelmed with all of the support from people on here-thank you all of you for your words of wisdom and advice. It really is comforting to know I’m not alone and that other people understand how I feel. The whole ordeal has been really disorientating and I think I’ve forgotten who I am now…but it’s definitely time to rebuild myself I think and start taking control back.
Your messages have given me a little bit of strength and belief that I can do this!