Really struggling

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  • #43398 Report

    Spikeyhedgehog
    Participant

    I don’t know why I’m here – my last 2 threads did not get any response

    im desperately crying out for help but no ones listening! Am I faking it? Are the suicidal thoughts just a last ditch attempt to get my own way or attention seeking? Am I wallowing in self pity ? I want this to stop I can’t make it stop by getting out of bed by getting in the shower – it’s still there – if I go out it’s still there – reminded I’m on my own. Can’t spend any money just increases the debt. no one knows how I’m really feeling or bothers to notice as so wrapped up in their own perception of what is going on in my life. It’s just me and my thoughts and the dog – no one knows I’ve counted how many tablets I have – no one knows I’m thinking I need to find a rescue home for my dog. I’ve tried the right channels to rectify my situation but no one cares – lies to cover up lies and more lies. Just something simple as getting my address right has a whole knock on effect.I’ve posted everywhere – if anyone was interested it may help others – I’ve been through hell – I still feel like I’m in hell – what’s the way out? Family say they care but don’t really. People who say they love you don’t care. People with a duty of care to you don’t care. I care about others I always care about others. I can’t get it out of my head that if I’m no longer here people will care then – but will they really care about me or will they just care about the fact they never listened when they had a chance and will be doing what they can to ease their own guilt or previous failures. The only place I’m safe is in bed – I can’t spend my life in bed!

    #43399 Report

    Spikeyhedgehog
    Participant

    And I’m on anti depressants my gp knows my medical history he’s given me a link to some self help I’ve been under mental health before – I know all this but I can’t make it enough there just doe3nt seem any point

    #43421 Report

    Hap333
    Participant

    I have read your post. It reassured me that I am not the only one struggerling so thank you for your honesty. I also feel like people don’t know/don’t have the experience to be able to truly care for others. I have faith though that as long as I keep practising and commiting to self care, my vibe will attract my tribe…

    Yoga, meditation, martial arts, nutrition, dance, nature, i try to incorperate into my life so that I grow into the person I am destined to be and fulfill my soul purpose…

     

    I used to be at uni studying but I left and decidied to focus on listening to my feelings instead of constantly distracting myself from them. This has not been easy. At all.

     

    I am so looking forward to the day when I have more support around me as a parent. I must have faith that it’s coming.

    #43422 Report

    Maria_91
    Participant

    I cannot really give you much advice but to me it has always been a huge help if I could honestly talk to someone and tell them everything I feel. Often people only understand when you tell them extensively but then I feel they care. If you want to share more, I am here :).

    #43447 Report

    HI Spikeyhedgehog

    Thanks for posting here on the forum.  I’m glad to see that other forum users have responded to you.  I will be sending you a private message with some signposting options.

    Kind regards, Justine

    #43453 Report

    Spikeyhedgehog
    Participant

    Thank you to those that replied – I didn’t see these until just now when I got a message from Justine.

    I managed to distract myself by back to back Netflix and I have had a better day today mainly as I had to get up to go to the post office or face having my account stopped by EBay. Without this I probably would have stayed in bed. I don’t expect this will be the last time I feel like this I am worn down. I know all the self care stuff –  there is so much I want to do if only I could get out of this rut. My life has been turned upside down I’m trying to move forward and I know it’s just small steps but even the slightest knock back and I am back on the floor ( or in bed).

    i get this things happen for a reason and keep positive but this is all in my head – the reality of life is kicking me hard – how do you know what your soul purpose is though? I think mine is to tell my truth – my truth could help others – I could have given up a long time ago but I am still going ( just) – but I need help with it all. I do believe I talk honestly even when maybe not appropriately. I was ripped off by my legal team not once but twice people that have a professional duty of care, my mental health was taken advantage of and used against me – I suffer with depression – I become overly emotional when expressing my truth and I am not believed. I shut down I can’t function. I know this about myself which is why I needed legal help. My ex knew this about me too and played it to his advantage. I tried to do everything I could to make sure I was protected and still I got fleeced and then the lies to cover it all up.still the lies 5 years down the line – what is the point? These people meant to protect you and they are rotten to the core – but there’s more of them and only one of me.

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