Really Struggling, newly single
19 February 2019 at 10:19 am #21236
Hi Charlene. I found your post quite moving, everything you’ve gone through there in quite a short space of time. I hope you have a good support network around you. I’m sure you’ll get plenty from the gingerbread forum.19 February 2019 at 4:16 pm #21250
Thank you for sharing your situation, and I’m sorry to hear you are going through a difficult time. I hope you will receive the support you need from our friendly and supportive forum community. In the meantime, I will be sending you a personal message with some sign posting options which will hopefully give you some further support options.
Jessica at Gingerbread19 February 2019 at 5:33 pm #21262
Thank you both. It is a very worrying time.19 February 2019 at 8:25 pm #21265
New here, this is a great forum. Five weeks ago on our 9th wedding anniversary (been together 21 years), my wife told me she was having an affair. I told her to leave, which she did. She is still seeing him. All I have had from her is she wasn’t happy. She comes across as heartless. I find her decision staggering (yhe other fella is older and uglier than me! – wtf?!) In five weeks I have suffered shock, panic attacks, severe anger, rejection, abandonment, denial. I have never ever felt pain like it. I fantasice about killing the other man – but I know I can’t. I cry every day. She was my everything, now I have nothing. Everything in the house reminds me of her.
HOWEVER – for anyone in my/our position at the beginning of this wretched time – speak to people. My friends, family and colleagues have been incredible. The amount of support I receive is overwhelming. Keep a diary to write your thoughts. Keep a notepad and jot things down before you forget them. Cry. Often. Think about your bank accounts. I start therapy tomorrow because I can’t shake it out of my head. I am worried about my anger. I’m already on meds (thanks goodness!). I had a reasonable weekend but broke down this morning at work. Tell people, don’t keep it a secret – it’s amazing how many people you know who have experienced this, it really is. Take care everyone and talk!19 February 2019 at 11:31 pm #21267
I’m also going through a separation at the moment. My daughter is 3.5 and things haven’t been the same in our relationship since we had her (we’ve been together 12 years). I’ve tried to tell myself that if my husband’s mental health got better, he’d be less distant and act like he cares about me again. It’s made me very sad and insecure to be with someone that used to tell me he loved me all the time and was incredibly affectionate, to him treating me like a friend. He finally agreed that things weren’t good between us in November. We started counselling in January, but after 2 sessions he said he didn’t think we could resolve our issues and he thinks the only option is for him to move out.
I’m scared of being lonely and how it will affect my daughter. I also want to stop myself hoping he’ll change his mind and come back, because then I’ll never move on. I’m trying to focus on the possibility of being happier without him around making me feel unloved, or watching him on his phone to other people all the time. But it’s hard to stay positive.
Does anyone have any experience where they’ve stayed friends with their ex? He wants us to be friends, but doesn’t seem to understand why I think it’ll be hard. I feel like I need to get over my feelings for him first, and I don’t think he’ll make any effort to treat me like a friend, as that involves more effort than just being amicable. I want us to get on for my daughter’s sake, but I think it will take time.
The advice someone posted about only thinking 24hours ahead was good. I get carried away with imagining him meeting someone else and how devastating it’ll be when he hasn’t even moved out yet! It’s good to know other people are going through this too.20 February 2019 at 12:38 pm #21285
Hi analyst_mum, very sorry to hear about your situation. Almost identical situation from sounds of it. It is possible to maintain amicability yes but it is a long journey to get there, there are uos and downs like any friendship and you need to be very ckear on boundaries. Happy to talk if you want to PM me.